


Hate That I Love You

by heartykeykeke



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Lovers, Friends With Benefits, Growing Pains, Jealousy, M/M, Ongniel, Psychological, Slice of Life, Smut, Tension, based off of the manga Love or Hate, bit of romantic comedy scenes, complicated relationship, forbidden love au, incest au, linear story line, not as fucked up as the manga, step-brothers au, teens and adults eras both covered, there's no cheating or threesomes, time skipping, warning for underage sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2020-10-29 06:36:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 61,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20792243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartykeykeke/pseuds/heartykeykeke
Summary: When his mother marries his English teacher, Seongwoo gets a new step-brother whom he instantly dislikes. To Daniel, the feeling is mutual. They absuletely detest each other from the first day they meet. Yet they're forced to live under one roof and act like a family. A year full of chaos, haywire emotions, a bunch of childish pranks, fights and carelessly flung curse words later, the two high-strung teens find themselves somehow making out. First loves have never been messier.





	1. I Can't Stand You

** 2010 Spring, Seoul**

"This is Daniel, Mr. Kang's son. He's only a year younger than you, so you guys can be like friends. He will be moving with us to Canada and joining your school this year. Say hello, Seongwoo."

Ong Seongwoo had been sitting at the restaurant, messing with his phone and refusing to look at the two blonde men across from him. The seventeen-year-old had never been a fouler mood. He understood that his mom was lonely and that she was meeting someone the last half a year while saying she was working late, but he was pissed to learn that of all people she was seeing it was his English teacher. And they were serious; as much as could be.

The reason for the meeting was rather than asking for his opinion to inform him of her decision. He was being formally introduced to his new family. If he made enough of a fuss, he knew his mom wouldn't marry him because she dearly loved her only son who was the spitting image of her late husband, her first love. However, he couldn't be that rotten as to flat out say how he was feeling about all this. His mom deserved to be happy and he knew the teacher was a decent person. He just had concerns about her marrying a foreigner and uprooting them to another country (even though the opportunities for him were boundless in comparison to Korea). Plus, she hadn't dated him long enough to know if they were a compatible.

He didn't need a father or a brother. Their place was small but cozy. They did well on their own; her cafes didn’t need this man’s investments or entrepreneur friends. He had taken up all the responsibilities in the house since he was ten and he was sure he could help make her café expand in the future, once he majored in designing.

His mother painfully jabbed him in the side and gave him a scornful look. The moody teenager sighed and set down his phone reluctantly.

He bowed to the pair with his arms brattily crossed and mumbled, "Hello. I'm Ong Seongwoo. First year high school, seventeen years old. Nice to meet you. I guess."

He purposefully sounded displeased and ended rudely sarcastic. He couldn't help his attitude or control the indifference on his face. He was a stressed, rebellious teenager after all. That man should know right away what he was getting into and he never could much hide his feelings from his mom anyway.

From the look of the scowl, dangling earrings, arrogant expression, and street fashion of the teacher's sixteen-year-old son, that man was going to be getting double the trouble in his life. Teachers always had some extra sensitive sense of duty to help teens successfully reach adulthood even those that were not under their direct care, that they didn't have to be responsible for.

The blonde teenager with the massive physical and cocky, obnoxious feel to him that he hadn’t liked from the first glance spoke in a deep, husky tone, "Lady, you seem nice and all. I can see why my dad would like you. You're smart, kind, fairly young, and have a nice body shape. But you should know that I don't make friends easily. Nor do I have an interest in a brother. I won't be taking orders from either of you like Cinderella. I’ll approve of this relationship because my Dad deserves to be happy, but I don’t think it’s necessary for us to be like the Brady Bunch. It’s better that I’m straightforward so you don’t build up your expectations."

Seongwoo scoffed, rolled his eyes, and then scowled. "I don't have any intention of talking to you let alone being friends or ordering around. Since I didn't like you from the start. Maybe it’s you that shouldn’t have any expectations. It would take some impressive magic to make us one big happy family."

"At least we’re on the same page in one aspect though I can tell we’re total opposites. There's something about your pretty boy face I don't like. I can tell we won't get along. You're the egotistic, studious, skinny jeans, eye liner wearing, artsy fartsy no one understands me type, right?"

"And you're the over-confident, lazy bum, game addict, saggy butt jeans wearing, gangster wanna be I do everything my own way type. Got a problem with that?" 

"Yeah, I do got a problem. That you'll infect me with your gayness."

"You look gayer than anyone here. You've got chandeliers in your ears."

"They're trendy. Not a word that you would know looking like a black hole because you’re too busy sketching trees to learn how to match some colors."

"Maybe they were a hit in the disco era. You're just missing the roller skates."

"What do you know about fashion, emo boy? You look like you're going to a funeral. Who died, your favorite Metallica member?"

“I can prepare your funeral right now, but I won’t be wasting more than a handful of coins, if you’d like.”

“You’re a pipsqueak. You really think you could take me. I could break your wrist with two fingers I bet.”

They glared at each other, hanging over the table with their fists clenched as if they would be tempted to throw punches any second. Their parents watched with helpless slightly amused expressions.

"Similar fiery tempers and strong opinions I see."

"They'll get used to each other. It's normal for boys their age to fight at first. Once they find something in common, they'll be tight as knots."

Seongwoo's mom giggled, making both teenagers look at her in amazement.

"That was so lame..." They both said at the same time, then glared at each other. A second later, they aggressively grabbed their sodas and chugged with their faces looking in the opposite direction.

Seongwoo's mom clapped excitedly, the earlier concern fading from her face completely. "They're already in sync! That's a great sign. I think you're right, jagiya. They're going to get along over time. How can they not when they're this similar?"

The slick-backed blonde-haired, expensive suited Canadian man was smiling with amusement as if he were watching an entertaining boxing match instead of his son and future son insulting each other on their first meeting.

**2010 Winter, Vancouver, Canada**

"Seongwoo hyung! Yah, fucking Ong Seongwoo! I know you can hear me, you prissy prick! Stop ignoring me! How long is it going to take you to doll up today? If I'm late then I'm going to have to clean the classroom today. I'm already on trash duty. Don't be a huge ass to make up for the fact you have none! Come on! Ugh, hyung!! Please, at least let me in to brush my teeth!"

Daniel banged on the bathroom door, shouting to be heard over the rock music playing. Finally, the voice stopped belting out the lyrics to Boulevard of Broken Dreams and the door clicked. Seongwoo opened the door wide, his chestnut colored hair styled in the usual idol reminiscent comma style. makeup on his face though his skin was naturally clear and pale as snow. His large eyes sparkling like twilight and rimmed with a thin faint line of Kohl to make them look more gigantic. And beautiful. Like the rest of his godlike statuesque features.

Daniel hated many things about Seongwoo. Like that he was a pretty boy and a know it all. Like that he always wore black clothes, oversized at the top and ridiculously tight on the bottoms, showing off his slender, long legs. Like that he was a cunny, sarcastic, mouthy brat who often smirked and played pranks on him, snickering like a villain at his accomplishments when he was suffering or embarrassed.

Daniel the jokester had finally met his match. After they’d moved to Canada and started living in a two-story house with the upper floor being sheerly their domain, he learned that no one was more obnoxious than his stepbrother. No one was more irritatingly stunning and skinny and delicately doll like either. It annoyed him to the max and left him cranky all day when he saw that glowing smug face in the morning.

"You finally said the magic word. Here, little bro. I got your toothbrush ready. Aren't I the sweetest?"

Daniel gingerly took his toothbrush with two fingers, eying him suspiciously with good reason. It was their routine. Seongwoo would start pranking him and he would follow up later in the day because he needed revenge, he wasn't the sort to let things slide even for a day. He just went bigger and few in between while Seongwoo went smaller (but equally petty and annoying) and frequent. A couple of days ago he'd replaced their empty toothpaste tube with foot cream, so Daniel was overly cautious (he tried hard to learn from his mistakes, one which was never to trust Seongwoo being the least bit kind for no apparent reason).

"What did you do to it?"

"Nothing~ Why would I ever do something mean to my cute little brother?" he sang in his airy, smooth as chocolate voice.

"Cus you hate me and you’re freaking heartless like Orochimaru. Did you get stolen vodka samples from your friend at the convenience store again? You seem drunk."

Daniel brushed off his hand that was playing with his cheek. "Not yet. I'm saving my stash for after the finals. Woah~ Your skin is so elastic, and you know it's getting better now that you’re finally taking care of it. Told you that my nagging and beauty techniques would come in handy someday."

Daniel glared at him through the mirror, shying away from his fingers. He got creeped out when Seongwoo touched him. Because despite they hated each other, his fingers were gentle, silky, and tingle-inducing. He didn't want to get closer to him.

Seongwoo was a freak of nature and a pain in his side. It was fun to bicker, but he usually pretended it wasn't and pinched himself hard not to laugh. Sometimes Seongwoo was hilarious, especially those times he wasn't trying to be like when he got lost confused or clumsy.

Daniel sometimes found himself caring for him like a real brother and then regretting it and being extra mean to him later. To keep the natural order of how their relationship was and should be. They disliked each other. They were mortal enemies only tolerating each other just enough that their parents didn't get involved or feel the need to split. Because their parents were happier now they were together and they did love them though they didn't often show it.

They'd even grown mutually fond of their new mother and father in a way they couldn’t for each other. Seongwoo studied and discussed novels with Daniel's father and went to art museums with him, things he'd been disappointed that Daniel refused to do. Daniel said that he wasn't going to be ordered around, but he did things that Seongwoo's mom suggested, such as their chores chart which earned him allowance and they went shopping together since he had an interest in clothes. Whereas Seongwoo refused to wear anything not black, simple (non-designer), and cheap. He disliked crowded places and noise, especially hating shopping malls.

In a way, their parents got the second son they never had but wished to(one eighteen and one seventeen). So, they couldn’t fully complain. Except for one fact. Things hadn't all worked out as perfectly as they hoped. Gradually their sons’ constant bickering put a slight strain on their relationship, at least at home from what they saw. They didn't have family dinners and outings as much recently. It seemed their stressed parents got more stressed by how it had been a year and they still were on the verge of war. Which was why they'd made a pact last week to attempt to curb their anger/fierce hatred for each other when their parents were in the house and act like normal. Not that it was really working. They’d gotten physical a few times and had to blame the crashing sounds on their cats and the bruises on clumsily bumping into things.

"Stop or I'll tell your mom about them," Daniel threatened.

"You better not if you want to live to graduation day."

Daniel did detest school (though it was easier in Canada than Koreans had it by far, he had to admit) and want to get out of it. His plan was to work after while pursuing professional dance lessons. Whereas Seongwoo was going to art school at the end of the year. He had the talent and the smarts, Daniel hated to admit it, but he still thought it was crazy he actually liked school enough he wanted to put himself through an extra five years and even pay for it, to be freaking tortured.

The only good thing was that when Seongwoo moved to the dorms, he'd have the house and Seongwoo's larger room to himself. Between shifts of course. He was bound to work less than their parents who almost always worked later than their normal hours.

"Have to see how you behave, kitty."

"Stupid mutt. Looks like you have rabies. Or you're the drooling neighborhood idiot."

"At least I don't get lost on my way to school still, Princess Peach."

Seongwoo scrunched up his button nose until a crease appeared between his groomed brows. He hated that nickname in particular (but not as much as Daniel disliked his peach perfume for the way it made him want to stick his nose to the side of his neck and take deep wiffs).

"Shut up! That happened once and you keep bringing it up like it happens all the time."

That he knew of, it had happened twice, but he suspected it was a weekly occurrence.

"Gargle."Thinking only that he wanted to get this strong mint flavor out of his mouth, he grabbed the cup he thought was full of water and took a sip. He immediately gagged, face scrunched in horror.

"Ugh! Gross!"

He spat out the water from the cup the other held out into the sink like a spraying hose. He'd stupidly let his guard down while talking with a mouthful of minty foam.

"That's how you want to start the day, huh? Freaking Ongcheongie."

He wiped his mouth with a towel after gargling while the man in an oversized black hoodie and ripped skinny jeans propped his flat butt on the counter and snickered.

"It's a perfect start to my day. You act like you don't know me. We've lived together almost a year now, sharing the bathroom kitchen and living area, the battle zones. Why so surprised? You’re the idiot here, not me. You don’t even know the square root of nine."

"Not surprised, just disappointed. Your genius brains are wasting energy on childish pranks. You’re not that good at math either, so get off your high horse before you hurt yourself. You probably looked that up in secret or purposefully asked me only what you know to make me look like a fool. As usual."

"It's hardly a waste for me. I have a separate compartment of brain energy to use on weak targets like you. It's just hard for you to understand that cus you're a pea brain with the battery life of ten minutes. I hardly need to try to make you look like the neighborhood pabo. I just need to wait and I’ll see it at least five times a day. Guaranteed entertainment."

"Are you done?" Daniel snarled, annoyed that he was losing precious time and that Seongwoo was giving him the most obnoxious golf clap.

He'd mess with Seongwoo later, right now he needed to hurry to avoid a punishment. Unless it was his pipes, he hated cleaning. Those chores were usually taken care of by others.

"Maybe~" the elder sang before gliding out of the kitchen on those shapely legs for days models would kill for, stuffing his phone in his hoodie pocket.

Daniel was putting on his lotion when he sniffed his hand thinking it smelled funny.

"Yah!! This is Dad’s muscle aching cream! Ugh, I freaking hate this smell! Hyung! That’s too much even for a punk like you!"

Seongwoo leaned on the door cackling evilly as the blonde washed his face again while cursing and grumbling.

"Serves him right. That brat should learn not to mess with me by now. Where’s the respect for your elders these days? His dad’s a good person but he got lazy in raising his oversized, shaggy mutt of a son."

Yesterday, Daniel had broken his favorite mug by accident and hid his phone that he had to search for for an entire hour. It was in the laundry machine inside a sock of all places. It had driven him mad trying to figure out where the ringing and buzzing was coming from. So, he'd planned out this morning’s pranks.

He danced happily back to his room to get his stuff ready with the smuggest of smiles.

"Daniel! You didn't do the dishes!"

The bathroom door cracked open, a messy wet blonde head appearing while patting at his glossy face. He called back down to the first floor in response to Seongwoo’s mom.

"As of midnight, it was Seongwoo's turn. Ask him about why it’s not done."

"Ong Seongwoo! Seongwoo-yah~ Why didn’t you do the dishes yet? It’s filthy and there’s flies!"

"Yah, you told me last night when I asked that you already did them. You fat-ass liar! You planned this!"

Seongwoo rushed out of his room glaring at the blonde who merely smirked and stuck out his tongue. He huffed and rolled his eyes, flipping him off ever so naturally (they did it to each other often, under the table and behind their parents’ backs).

"Sorry, Mom! I'll do them right now."

On his way towards the stairs, Daniel stuck out his leg. Seongwoo slammed into it and then tripped, sprawling on the floor in a humiliating fashion. His face turned scarlet with rage and shame.

"Payback's a bitch. Now you're gonna be late too. I hope they give you the punishment you hate the most. Oh, that's right your first class today is P.E., right? I guess you will have to run laps."

"Like hell I will," the brunette snarled, scrambling up and dashing for the stairs like his life depended on it.

"You're warming up already? Nice choice, hyung! Running is good for your health. Much better than dieting. Maybe you’ll develop an ass in the process."

"Shut the hell up, Kang Daniel! Just wait!"

The blonde chuckled, feeling excited jitters rush over him. He was looking forward to it, even if he had to suffer. It was fun to mess with the genius, perfectionist, model student. Some moments he didn't mind having a brother since it kept his creativity flowing and his mind sharp.

**2011 Spring, Vancouver, Canada**

Things had changed in a short time between the stepbrothers. Like a sparkler had been lit and the flames were singing close to the bottom. It was hard to say if it was for the better or for the worst. It just was and it was strange.

They were more aware of each other which sometimes made them uncomfortable but at the same time things felt more comfortable, even pleasant. Their pranks had decreased, and they'd started to hang out after school which they'd never done before.

The first trigger was Daniel discovering a couple of Seongwoo's secrets. He was being bullied by his classmates for being gay. Seeing the comics he had were largely boy love that he hadn't noticed before, he felt awful for teasing and bullying him about that fact. He had meant it as a joke, he wasn’t at all homophobic, and he couldn't stand anyone bullying Seongwoo but him. So, they broke one of their golden rules—which was to ignore each other at school.

Daniel walked with him to school and to his art academy and they had lunch together. Since many people were intimidated or respected him once he stuck himself in the vicinity of Seongwoo and let people know they were close (they never let their friends know even they were brothers though since it was complicated and they looked different so it wouldn't make much sense to anyone and people in Canada weren't as curious about personal info like that), the bullies disappeared. Seongwoo was able to lead a happier school life.

The other trigger was after they'd accidentally walked in on each other in the process of getting ready for a shower. They felt strange things and couldn't get the idea of the other's body off their minds. They'd stared and flushed at each other half naked for a full minute as if they were unable to unglue their gaze. Since then, Daniel felt an even stronger pull to Seongwoo as well as a curiosity about why he would be into guys instead of girls.

He'd go in to the larger room that was given to the elder to borrow the BL comics from Seongwoo’s shelf, then stay in Seongwoo's bed, claiming that he was too lazy to go back but in actuality there was something both comforting and exciting about being with Seongwoo. He was suddenly more intriguing than ever now that he knew his secrets and that he had a vulnerable, romantic side. All the things he painted were soft and all the stories he had on his bookshelf were sappy with a tinge of hot, rated scenes that were just up his ally. He'd thought he was all studious, edgy, gloomy, and boring. That he never thought of romance and hadn’t the foggiest clue how to kiss.

It was an interesting new side and he found himself studying and chatting with his brother to attempt to get to know more. The more he knew, the more that he found his brother amusing and adorable. The more he secretly gazed at him painting and snacking and drinking sweet coffee while listening to rock music, sometimes even randomly grooving when he thought Daniel wasn't looking or forgot that he was there momentarily, the more he found him attractive. Dangerously so.

Daniel knew he shouldn't at all be having the thoughts he was having about Seongwoo since they were related. It wasn't by blood but technically they were still brothers. It had taken awhile to get used to, but after a year, he thought of Seongwoo as an irreplaceable family member despite he’d sworn on their first meeting that would never happen.

He got some hints that Seongwoo might be feeling the same forbidden things as he caught him looking over at him and biting on his lips with a flushed, sensual sort of face. There were times when his eyes were positively enticing as if he were begging to be kissed. Every day that he hung out there, he was putting them at risk because it was harder to stop himself from jumping on the other.

The third trigger was their raging, teenage hormones. Seongwoo was eighteen nearing on nineteen and Daniel seventeen. They were in their prime, the hottest blooded of times. The novels and videos they shared--because boys would be boys and they both were curious and had needs they couldn't share with their other friends--didn't help at all. Especially when Daniel finally convinced Seongwoo to let him read his favorite manhwa series.

Seongwoo kept the books he cherished literally locked up since Daniel had started raiding his shelves and appeared as guilty as a dirty criminal if he even mentioned it. Daniel bothered him, threatened to start up the pranks, and then won him over by agreeing to do Seongwoo's share of chores during finals week. He giggled and rolled around the bed as he reached the end of the first volume of Lover Boy, taking one of Seongwoo's large, white seal dolls captive squished against his neck. Seongwoo stopped painting a photo of one of their many cats sleeping under a bush in their front yard and rolled his eyes.

"Are you that happy? It's just a comic."

Daniel nodded while grinning wide.

"I am very happy. Because I have an idea why you were hiding this from me. These characters are freaking cute and hot at the same time. And they remind me of us. Like the way they look and act. See, look at this part. Jaeha is totally you! Why don't you teach me how to draw?"

"No."

Seongwoo bluntly refused and turned back to his painting. His expression was tight and cold, but his eyes were weary and the tips of his ears peachy. Daniel knew it-- he'd hit right on the mark and caught him red-handed. He must have read this and imagined them together. He might have even felt attracted to him personally and so that's why he'd picked it up in the first place. He was flattered, amused, and intrigued.

"I'm not bad, I swear. It won't be a huge waste of your time. I can teach you how to do something too. I know you think popping is cool. Or b-boy. I can teach you the basics of that."

"No thanks. It’s fun to watch but I wouldn’t want to do it even if I knew how. All that spinning would make me dizzy."

Daniel set the book down and flipped off the bed, landing on his feet with his arms out in a showy fashion. Seongwoo hid his impressed expression behind indifference.

"Show off," he grumbled.

Daniel smirked, knowing he was simply envious that he couldn't he as flexible and graceful in his dreams.

"Ah, I see what the problem is. You are worried you'll get more attracted to me. That you'll do something stupid. Well, hyung. Even without acting like them, I think you're going to. Just like Jaeha to Eunho. You won't be able to resist me. I'm too charming."

Seongwoo snorted. "Right. Have you been smoking again? I told you..."

"You're not the one to lecture just cus you're a bit older. Clear out your stash first, drunkie."

Seongwoo turned defensive. "I never get that level. Just a bit buzzed. It eases the stress and helps me focus."

Daniel chuckled and poked at the creamy cheek.

"I know that. I'm just teasing. You're cute when you're annoyed."

The raven-haired boy in black with impeccably styled hair pushed his hand away, his handsome face tinted coral.

"Well, you're cute when you're being mostly silent over there. Give me space, Niel. I can't work with someone crowding me."

The younger also knew that but he decided to ignore it. Because he wanted to be closer to his hyung and more affectionate, much more so. These days he was even surprised by how touchy and clingy he was.

He scooted the stool closet and rested his chin on his shoulder, wrapping his arms around the other’s slim waist. It felt so perfect that he sighed in contentment.

Seongwoo tensed for a moment, then sighed tiredly and let him be. He figured it was no use. With the way Daniel's personality was, the more you told him not to do something the more enticed he was to continue doing it enjoying it even more. Basically, he was screwed (just like his nerves and brain cells, just like the rest of his body often wished it were being treated in a more literal sense).

"It's pretty."

"Thanks."

Seongwoo's voice was full of pleasant surprise. It was the first time Daniel had said anything nice about his paintings. Usually he claimed they looked mediocre or too fluffy and that he should draw something more advanced, like a scene from movies, like the Fast and The Furious which he was currently obsessed with.

"I wasn’t only talking about the picture though. The hands that drew this and the person attached to those hands even more so."

Seongwoo flushed, messing up a stroke because he was flabbergasted. "What nonsense. What are you playing at complimenting me suddenly? Is there something you need?"

He turned to shoot a suspicious glare at the blonde but froze when he saw that he was looking at him and their faces were ridiculously close together.

"I'm not playing. I just stated a fact. You brag about your looks all the time and I'm simply acknowledging that. You are pretty so I'm saying you're pretty. Is there something wrong with that? As for your question about if there’s something I need, well…There might be."

The art enthusiast flushed harder and shifted his gaze away finding the molten, sweet hazel eyes incredibly unsettling. His insides were turning to warm, marshmallow cream. He was not at all used to this and he liked it too much. Daniel being affectionate and kind and flattering him he could certainly grow accustomed to. Especially, this feeling of being wanted.

"No, there's nothing wrong in particular. It's just a bit weird of you."

"Why is it weird? I've been nice to you before."

He couldn't recall until recently. The way they were the last few weeks was nice but strange. He wondered if Daniel was feeling the same things he was which made it hard to be the way they were before. For example, it was hard to think of him like a brother at that moment. Inappropriate fantasies that usually only tortured him at night were flashing through his mind, making his heart race and skin buzz.

"That's weird too. That you're being nice to me and that I’m being nice in return. It's all... very weird...I wonder why...I feel...odd around you...and if you feel the same..."

Seongwoo was drawing closer, his hazy eyes stuck on Daniel's plush cherry lips that looked as supple, sweet, and glistening as a dewy, ripened strawberry. All that was on his mind then were his blossoming feelings and that he wondered if the other’s lips tasted as amazing as he'd been dreaming.

Daniel was also looking at the other’s thin but shapely, velvety lips with his own parting and waiting. His heart was thinking hard his mouth dry and his palms sweaty. His brain was full of his suppressed secret hopes and desires that he knew were wrong to have but that he couldn't seem to stop.

Their eyes fluttered closed with their spindly, ebony lashes dancing across their snowy cheeks as their lips brushed faintly. It was a mere hesitant, careful whisper of a kiss full of uncertainty, nerves, and curiosity. Seongwoo turned away with his hands clenched, his face flushing deeply and panic-stricken.

"I'm sorry, Niel. That was hyung’s mistake. I shouldn't have done that. Please forgive me and just forget about it because it's not going to happen again. I promise."

"Don’t promise anything like that, hyung. Because..."

Daniel gently cradled his face and turned the brunette to face him. Compared to Seongwoo who looked like he was about to die with shame and guilt, Daniel was lost in the passion that they'd incited earlier and his expression was determined. The sight made Seongwoo jittery in a good way. He found himself leaning in as if he were being seduced or hypnotized. A desperate sensation to be held and kissed by his brother who desired him as fiercely as he did came over him, taking over his instinct to flee and tell the other they shouldn't do this.

"I want to do it again. Let’s kiss again, hyung."

This time, Seongwoo moaned before their lips crashed together and his body moved of its own accord. Daniel grabbed his arm and pulled him closer as if he also felt the intense magnetic pull bringing him forward. He ended up sitting on Daniel's lap with his right hand on his shoulder, digging into his flannel overshirt which matched his since his mother had given them matching presents to celebrate how they were finally being friendly with each other like how she had hoped.

A part of his mind thought it was ironic when he saw the red and black checkers rubbing against the black and grey checkers covering his arm--they were much more friendly in a way their parents wouldn't want, that they'd immensely regret hoping if they found out. Somehow, those worries didn't matter at all at that moment. Daniel's amazing, electrifying kisses washed away any negative emotions and most rational unrelated thoughts.

Their lips slid and lightly smacked until they had pressed every corner and cranny, claiming the newly explored territory as their own. Then they parted and got more daring, licking at where they'd kissed previously with the tip of their tongues. Eventually, when they were near breathless and the excitement they felt was evident from their pounding hearts and the firm grip on each other's arms, the tips met in the middle.

They inhaled with a sharp hiss, darting them back in their mouths as if they'd been zapped. Then, they shifted their heads and bravely stuck them out again, moaning and sighing softly in pleasure as they brushed and tangled. Nothing had ever felt so amazing and sensitive. They were seeing stars and warm tingles causing their bodies to shiver and their hair to stand on end. If their previous kisses were like noise poppers, then this new sort of kiss was like New Year fireworks. 

"It should feel wrong but why does it feel more right then kissing anyone ever has..."

Seongwoo muttered, burying his face in Daniel's neck after they'd taken a break from what felt like hours of passionate but ever gentle kissing. They were flushed and light-headed from the intense sensations and the lack of oxygen. Their lips were swollen and sore from being overly used and teethed. Daniel kissed his temple, continuing to run his fingers through strands of silky raven locks. The gesture made Seongwoo feel loved and eased despite it was foreign; he might fall asleep if his body wasn’t smoldering.

"I feel the same. That was the greatest make-out session known to man-kind. Thanks for making my first the best."

The elder giggled, squeezing Daniel tighter. He felt wonderful that he was his first anything. It made him feel like Daniel sort of belonged to him.

“You might not have been my first but you’re definitely the most memorable, I can assure you that.”

“Well, as long as my inexperienced self can blow away all the other guys you experimented with, then I’m satisfied. Imagine when I know what I’m actually doing after some practice.”

Seongwoo scratched his neck and affectionately kissed his collarbone. “A monster kissing rookie indeed. That’s a terrifying thought. I’ve already been driven crazy from your beginner level kisses.”

“Oh, have you? I should get a reward then—"

“Daniel! Seongwoo! I’ve brought chicken for dinner! Spicy and fried, half-half, just as you like it. Come down~”

Seongwoo’s mother calling them made them panic as if she’d burst through the door or could see through the floor from downstairs. Daniel stood up as Seongwoo tried to jump out of his lap, resulting in Daniel nearly catapulting him across the room. Seongwoo squealed and clung to the front of Daniel’s shirt as he went flying backwards, tipping at an odd angle. Daniel attempted to get a firm grip on his waist and bend backwards to right their tipping bodies, but the result was that they slow-motion tumbled to the bed with comical expressions.

“Woah~” They exclaimed until they burst into laughter after their ungraceful landing.

They’d fallen over onto the bed against each other with their limbs a tangled mess, Daniel attempting not to squish Seongwoo with his large body the best he could. They were not only on a bunch of blankets and pillows but a mountain of seals. Seongwoo decorated the top of the bed so the upper half of it was fully occupied by things of a fluffy, soft nature. It was so very Seongwoo though, he understood the boy’s true character now behind all the black and emo make-up. His skin was pale and silky smooth, his hair was fluffy and smelled naturally good, his lips were wavy and light pink. Those seals were just like him.

Seongwoo was still giggling when Daniel leaned in and gave him a gentle peck. He turned bashful and flushed beautifully after that. Daniel stroked his coral, starred cheek and got lost in admiring his beauty for a moment, thinking why he’d ever disliked anything about Seongwoo and hadn’t known his real feelings before.

With each kiss they’d shared, he felt as if he were falling harder for the other’s charms. He hated the idea of going down and playing the brothers act again so soon, of putting distance between them already. He decided then that he wasn’t going to. He didn’t care if their parents guessed at the reason for their newfound closeness with increased skinship or not. He couldn’t live dishonestly anymore. He couldn’t pretend that he hated or just barely could stand Seongwoo. He knew his feelings now and he refused to hide them.

When they went down, Daniel firmly held Seongwoo’s hand, half helping him and half tugging the nervous, shifty eyed brunette down the stairs. Seongwoo attempted to push his hand away but Daniel refused to let his hand go until they were in the kitchen. Seongwoo’s mother noticed their joined hands and how flustered Seongwoo was but she was pleased by it rather than repulsed, judging by the huge smile split across her face.

“Aw, that’s a positively adorable picture I thought I’d never see before I die. I want to photograph it and frame it but I’m sure you guys would hate that. It’s good to see you’re getting along. I was wondering if I was dreaming about this peace treaty, but I’d rather not wake up if it is a dream. Our house has never been more harmonious and cozier since this miracle happened. Eat up, it’s all for you~ I already ate and Dad will be late. I’m going to go wash up.”

They sat down with their hands still linked though Seongwoo was giving Daniel the stink -eye to ‘cut the crap’. She pat them both on the shoulders and kissed the crowns of their head, then forced them together for a group hug. She was in an extremely good mood that day it seemed. Seeing her sons getting along made her feel all the better so that she couldn’t bear to leave yet.

“I love you both so much. Daniel, do take care of my precious Seongwoo. He’s cranky and arrogant but he’s a giant baby in need of protection. Seongwoo, let others show you affection and care for you. Stop being so skittish and denying that you like that. I think it’s perfectly normal for boys to be physical and kind to each other. Hmm? There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s not like I’m going to tease you, I swear. Both of you, I hope you get along and hang out like this for the rest of your lives. It’s such a beautiful site.”

“Mom, you’re being weird. And you’re messing up my hair. How many times I told you don’t touch it after it’s been styled…” Seongwoo whined, fixing his slightly tussled locks and trying to escape from her and Daniel’s hold.

Daniel smiled at the cutely embarrassed boy and squeezed their fingers together tightly. “Don’t worry, Mom. Things are different now. We’re over that argumentative stage. Now we’ve accepted each other’s differences and grown used to living together. We’re much closer.”

Seongwoo’s eyes popped and his mouth pursed primly, expressing he thought Daniel had been speaking carelessly. ‘Don’t you dare say anymore or that’s never going to happen again’ he warned sharply with his expressive, dark eyes. The blonde turned smug and slightly snickered, not giving him the definite answer of agreement that he wished for.

“Be careful!” he hissed when his mother was gone, kicking the other’s leg under the table.

“Eh~ Where’s the fun in that? You know I’m a risk taker. I bet you think that’s hot, right? That’s why you get all starry eyed seeing me boarding,” Daniel teased, capturing the bare foot between his own and caressing with his toes.

“I do not—that’s--! Stop!” Seongwoo became so flustered that he couldn’t speak properly when Daniel raised his hand up to his mouth and started to kiss a trail along his knuckles.

His eyes went in distress to the hallway, but his mother was luckily already in their parent’s room. Daniel stared at him with charismatic, enticing bedroom eyes that were even more intense than earlier as he licked between his knuckles and then bit his thumb, his soft toes sending tingles up his legs to his groin. Seongwoo squeezed his thighs which felt like they were on fire, suppressing a moan. He’d never been turned on this intensely in such a short time.

“Hyung, you’re cute. Does that turn you on?”

“Shh! I’m not,” Seongwoo grumbled, then stuffed the brat’s mouth with a fried chicken leg before he could say something more scandalous that his mother might hear.


	2. You Never Know What You're Missing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seongwoo learns a lesson--that we don't know how great something is or miss it until it's gone. 
> 
> Warning: underage smut, heavy angst

**2011 Summer, Vancouver, Canada**

“Hyung~ Hmm…soft and squishy…”

“What are you doing, you big puppy? Get off. You’re suffocating me.”

It was sweltering hot because it was the middle of the summer. Yet there Daniel was, insisting on sleeping in his bedroom. These days, their routine was to hang out after they’d finished their homework and had dinner while their parents were doing their own thing downstairs, usually leaving them undisturbed. This assured that they could spend time together doing whatever they wanted without their parents knowing or their grades taking a hit (which was both more important to Seongwoo than to Daniel who was more rebellious and carefree, Seongwoo thought of that as foolish and careless).

“Don’t wanna. I’m lonely and it’s cold…”

Seongwoo snorted, giving up on pushing the heavy arm off of him. Every day was so unbearably hot that he was forced to go around in t-shirts and shorts though he absolutely hated showing his pale skin and delicate body off (he’d been bullied for looking soft, pretty, and being oddly petite too many times to count). It wasn’t thankfully as humid as the summers in Korea were and there was no rainy season. But it was still way too hot to be covered in blankets nestled up against a largely built man with a natural heater in his muscles.

“I’m hot. Roll over and stay on your side.”

“The window is open and blowing wind on me. I’m cold~” Daniel whined, nestling into Seongwoo’s neck. “Hyung, just until I fall asleep~”

A shiver ran down the raven-haired man’s spine followed by a rush of desire. It wasn’t intentional but Daniel could easily turn the eighteen-year-old on with the subtlest brushes and tended to get grabby in his sleep. It caused him to have troubles sleeping, along with the insufferable heat.

“Don’t! I’m sweaty. I probably smell. Gross. Niel!” he huffed, attempting to wiggle and push his way to freedom and coolness.

“You smell like peaches. And you’re so soft. Hyung, do you know how nice you feel or smell? It’s intoxicating. I could hold you and sniff you for eternity and never get tired of it. I know you’re hot, but I’m not thinking the same way you’re thinking.”

Seongwoo turned bashful then, his heart skipping and stomach turning at the flattery. Soon his loins were uncomfortably burning and achy with how Daniel rubbed his chest and nuzzled his neck. He started to peck gently along his hairline. That was where Seongwoo lost his self-control. He rolled over and on top of the blanket, tossing his arm and leg casually over the larger blonde laying on his side.

Daniel eagerly scooped his arms around his waist and pulled him close smoothly with a smug, sexy grin of victory that Seongwoo strongly desired to eat off. He attempted to curb his urges, however, because in this heat he didn’t think that he could do much more than a bit of kissing.

Each night, they’d been experimenting with things that they knew teenagers weren’t supposed to do. They taught each other naughty things that made them feel more like adults. They enjoyed the thrill of walking on the wild side, doing things that their parents wouldn’t approve of, that they legally weren’t allowed to do yet. Since both of them had a rebellious streak, when put together they were a formidable devilish pair.

Seongwoo shared his stash, teaching him how to make cocktails with contents from their fridge that made the alcohol more pleasant to drink (actually Daniel was naturally better with drinking and rather enjoyed the taste of it straight). Daniel snuck home cigarettes from his friends and they sometimes smoked outside their window (making sure that no-one was around and no cats were in the room in case they inhaled it and got sick). They also read and watched rated things together (with headphones and the door shut of course), discussing what they’d like to try or thought was hot.

Seongwoo as it turned out, though he was still technically a virgin, had tried out a lot more than Daniel had so he was his tutor in all things sexual. Seongwoo was basically Daniel’s first everything and Daniel was a star pupil who was naturally gifted and eager to learn. Seongwoo was also a wild-cat in contrast to his usual cool demeaner. He was passionate and all over him once he was in the mood. Once he wanted something, there was no stopping him. He’d pull off any trick to get what he wished and got demanding but Daniel wasn’t at all complaining.

He felt honored to be wanted by such an attractive, fiery man and more than willing to please to the best of his ability. He didn’t even mind when Seongwoo had made him come so many times that he could barely function the next day in class and got in trouble so he had to suffer a week of detention.

“Niel…”

“Hmm?”

“I wanna do something…”

“Then let’s do something. You know you don’t have to ask me. I’m up for anything, as long as it’s you, gorgeous.”

Seongwoo giggled as Daniel swooped in and pecked his cheek.

“But it’s too hot and I’m feeling sluggish.”

“Then you can just lay there, and I’ll take care of everything.”

Seongwoo stared at him while biting his previously pouty lip thoughtfully. He was on the verge of agreeing to that but feeling bad about it. Seongwoo believed in reciprocation and was a selfless lover. He’d always give the favor back two times what Daniel gave him when they fooled around as if it were his motto. Daniel didn’t ask or expect it of him; he was just that kind after some intimacy melted his icy exterior.

“You might feel differently once you’re naked and getting into it.”

Panic choked the brunette’s lovely voice. “N-naked? But…we haven’t…”

Seongwoo lacked confidence with one thing, which was his body. He got shy and uncomfortable even removing bottoms if they weren’t under the blankets in total darkness, as if Daniel could see much of anything.

“Hyung, it’s super dark, the lights are off. I’m hardly going to see anything. And I’ve seen every bit of you already. Just not all at the same time. Why are you being so squeamish? You have a beautiful body without a single flaw.”

Daniel was already reaching for the other’s shorts while Seongwoo hesitated, pressing at his shoulders and attempting to wiggle away (half-heartedly, because he craved the other’s incredible touches).

“Don’t flatter me so much. I’ll get spoiled. I like the way you lie too much. You beautiful liar.”

Daniel smiled cheekily. “You should know better than anyone, hyung. That I never lie. You might not have the confidence but you should know. Your body is gorgeous. It drives me insane. From the very day that I saw it by accident in the bathroom.”

“Oh, god. Don’t remind me that happened. I’m so embarrassed. Don’t look please…”

Daniel chuckled, kissing the hands that were covering his face as he buried it in his shoulder. He tossed away the shorts and stroked up his legs which were as smooth as the finest silk and perfectly shaped. It was rare to see the silhouette of his lower half. He liked it so much he was considering stealing all the blankets Seongwoo had.

“I won’t look if you don’t want me to, but it’s going to be hard. Because just your lower half is already so magnetizing my eyes feel they might pop out to have a look.”

Seongwoo snorted and playfully slapped him. “Stop it. You’re always so full of nonsense. Like a helium balloon.”

Daniel smirked, not in the least offended. His insults had less weight now that he’d melt with one kiss and word of flattery in private.

“You like that about me though. I know you found me somewhat amusing even on our first meeting.”

“Yeah, I have to admit the way you insulted me out of the blue was sort of funny. Terribly rude and obnoxious, but funny indeed. I laughed about it later. Just a bit.”

“You too. I find your sarcasm and attitude quite adorable and funny. Your smirks were always so infuriatingly hot as well. Do you know that you walk around with an arrogant, fuck-me smirk half the time? You’re lucky I haven’t cut that tempting mouth of yours off. I don’t like anyone seeing that expression but me.”

“Me too, Niel. That incredible, intense look in your eyes when you get turned on. How it’s possessive and smoldering yet caring and sweet. I don’t like the idea of anyone seeing that lovely contradiction either. Should I poke them out then?”

“That’s a terrifying thought because it sounds like something a psycho like you would do,” the blonde commented with a light chuckle as the other brushed his thumbs along the cute bundles of fat beneath his eyes.

Daniel turned his head to lick at the dainty wrist while his hands travelled slowly up the curve of the elder’s hip, below his white tank-top and oversized grey sweater that was temptingly falling off his beautiful, bony shoulders. He was hypnotized by the conflicting sensations of Seongwoo’s lithe, flawless body. He was both soft yet hard, hot and cold, silky yet rough depending on what part you were touching. His chin and the front of his legs were rough because of the amount of hair he had while his bottom and thighs were silky smooth and squishy, for example.

His lips caressed the silkiest part of his body, his slender, porcelain wrist. Then, his tongue lapped along the sensitive points on his veins and bone while giving Seongwoo a molten stare as his hands explored the various textures of his exposed body. Seongwoo brought his hands down to grip his black T-shirt and the pillow, his fingers digging in tight, his eyes popping open and then fluttering shut, his pretty bow shaped lips parting and eliciting soft, suppressed moans and gasps of excitement.

Gradually, Daniel warmed him up until he was begging to be kissed and touched more harshly. He rolled over the elder and pushed up his tank-top in one artful swoop to his armpits, exposing his small coffee colored buds. He took one in his mouth and pinched the other, laying over the rest of his warm, silky body. Seongwoo gasped and arched up off the bed, pressing more into him, his knees bending up, toes curling into the sheets, thighs squeezing his sides, his hands digging into his hair and holding him warmly.

“Ah, Niel, yes, good…” he whispered between sweet moans and hitches of breath.

Daniel kissed sensual and wet down his chest, hands moving to spread and caress his thighs fully on the bed. Seongwoo’s hands flew to grab the pillow and cover his mouth, watching with apprehension and excitement. He knew what was coming as soon as Daniel started his downward path and the idea was enough to make him tempted to moan loudly and get his heart thumping.

Seongwoo loved nothing more than blow jobs and Daniel never grew tired of them either. It pleased him, worked him up, and built his confidence to see Seongwoo falling apart so completely because of his touches. Seongwoo had this look then that made him feel like he was being worshipped and adored. He liked feeling like Seongwoo was desperately into him to the point he could barely function; that he wasn’t tempted to go to anyone else for this because no-one could get him as good as Daniel could.

When he gave Seongwoo blow jobs, he could feel how passionate Seongwoo was. That’s when he appeared the most beautiful and that’s when Daniel felt most like he adored this man and wanted to be with no-one else for all eternity. It was when he was feeling the most wanted and when he felt that he also wanted Seongwoo the most, more than just physically though he didn’t express those feelings.

Because they could have a physical relationship, sure, in secret. But the rest was complicated. Being a selfish person, he wanted Seongwoo to himself and he was so proud of being his lover that he wanted to shout it to the world, even if it meant the end of their family. However, he had a feeling it might be different for Seongwoo, the more mature, experienced, indifferent of them. He might not like him the same way. Things might just be for the fun and the thrill of it for him.

He doubted that Seongwoo liked him enough to risk their happiness and tear their family apart to have an open relationship. A tiny, fearful part of him doubted that Seongwoo only wanted and fooled around with him the same way that he did. Those cowardly doubts were what kept him from saying how he felt and what he wanted in regards to their future. He was scared to lose what he had with Seongwoo; a mostly physical, undefined relationship was better than going back to nothing but bickering brothers.

“Niel, hurry up…I want your mouth on me. Fuck, do I want it so bad.”

“Yeah, you’re bad, hyung. We’re both terribly bad. That’s what makes this so irresistibly hot.”

Daniel teased him by licking along his ribs, tiny belly button and prominent hip bones alternatively while pinching and rubbing his quivering thighs. He did this until Seongwoo was whining and begging for him to go lower, even scratching his shoulders beneath his shirt and shoving on his head while gyrating his hips up. He was so sexy like that, Daniel was spell-bound.

“Dammit, Niel. Give me what I want…Please. I want you so badly…”

Finally, when he was acting sweet and on the verge of tears, Daniel hovered over his leaking member with a satisfied smirk.

“That’s why I keep telling you, hyung. If you want something, you should just ask nicely. We really need to work on this nasty personality of yo—”

“Shut it and take it in your mouth already, you jerk,” Seongwoo snarled, forcing Daniel to cut off by thrusting into his open mouth and pressing his head down.

The move was so sudden and unexpected that Daniel slid down, taking the penis all the way to the back of his throat. He gagged as it jammed his tonsils while Seongwoo moaned in bliss, eyes drifting closed, his hips still and tensed in mid-air, thighs quivering.

“Fuck that’s perfect. Even your mouth is big and steamy hot like the rest of you. Can you just make me another one so I can use it when you’re not around because of your dance contests?”

Daniel chuckled as he gripped the small, pert cheeks he loved to fondle and smack around whenever he could. He squeezed and held him there while he bobbed his head. He licked and hummed the way that Seongwoo preferred, dragging his teeth just slightly in the middle while the tip of his tongue circled the tip.

“Yes…” the man muttered, body shaking and rolling with the motions.

Daniel eagerly sank to the base and sucked hard while yanking his body close to his mouth before repeating the motions. In minutes, Seongwoo was screaming into the pillow, his pale body quivering, thrashing, and soaked with sweat. Daniel continued to push, suck, and lick enthusiastically, getting more into it as Seongwoo’s attractively pitch and rolling movement increased, his hand gripping like an iron claw over his bicep in encouragement and to take strength to get through the intense moment.

“Ah! Coming, Niel, it’s here. Get ready to move away. Ahh, hmm…” Seongwoo buried his head into the pillow and bit the fabric as his shaking thighs squeezed Daniel’s head.

Daniel stayed at the base, waiting while sucking hard and brushing the pulsing vein with his tongue. Seongwoo’s warm, bitter seed flowed down his throat, leaving him with no choice but to swallow. He was used to the taste and rather liked it, so he had no qualms about drinking it down. It was less mess and smell for them to have to hide or attempt to explain away later anyway. Luckily, their parents hardly came to their rooms and this sort of sweaty, hormonal smell was easily covered up by the fact that they were teenage boys. So, he swallowed despite Seongwoo was embarrassed by it so usually disapproved.

“Hyung…Was that good?”

Daniel pulled off after the elder had collapsed to the bed and stopped moaning into the pillow, signaling that his orgasm had ended. He was sure that considering how long it had lasted and how into it Seongwoo had been that it had been great but he liked having his ego stroked by having it confirmed. Daniel took pride in that he was a naturally skilled lover that brought his hyung a large amount of satisfaction.

“Yes, it was freaking fantastic. The best I ever had. I can’t even scold you for not listening to me to move. You topped yourself yet again. Is that what you wanted to hear, you brat? You’re satisfied now?” he glared though his eyes were beautiful and starry.

Then, the messy, flushed brunette affectionately ruffled his damp, blonde hair. The bite in his voice a mere fraction of what it had been before because nowadays when Seongwoo yelled at him it wasn’t sincere. Seongwoo got irritated at him but rarely angry, as if he figured at some point it was a waste of his energy or he just couldn’t be angry with how cute and cheeky the younger was most of the time. Arguments usually turned into heavy make-out sessions anyway because of the thick tension between them constantly.

Daniel smiled in the way he knew the other found irresistible, then pecked along his thighs, eyes full of adoration and warmth that were reserved only for his hyung in private.

“I’m glad that I could please you so well. I just want you to be happy, hyung. Your smile is a work of art.”

“I am, of course. I’m always happy these days. Thanks to you. But you should think of your own happiness too.”

Seongwoo stroked his cheek and smiled sweetly, his eyes taking on a softness that usually only was prevalent after an orgasm. Because Seongwoo was more guarded and not as emotionally honest as he was. The more that he opened up, the more that Seongwoo seemed to close up when it came to his thoughts and emotions regarding their relationship. As if he were putting a leash on his feelings before they ran away (which they did a bit whenever they got physical).

Daniel wished that Seongwoo wouldn’t put walls up between them or hold back from feeling things. However, all he could do was pretend he didn’t know and attempt to knock down those walls and draw out those feelings. That was probably why he’d become addicted to doing physical things with Seongwoo to the point they were doing something nearly every night these days. He was addicted to that loving, vulnerable look he had right after and the affectionate acts and words he received during their times together. Luckily, Seongwoo never seriously rejected his advances, even in the middle of summer at three in the morning.

“Your happiness is my happiness, hyung. Because I like you.”

Seongwoo’s nose scrunched up. He didn’t like it when Daniel said romantic sort of things. Daniel suspected it was because he didn’t like the way that it made him feel since he didn’t know how to act afterwards.

Daniel watched, smirking lips pressed to the dip under his hip bone, feeling amused and full of feelings. It was dark so it was impossible to see but he was sure that Seongwoo was blushing. His eyes were looking elsewhere and he reached up to scratch his ear. The last sign was the lip chewing habit. Daniel had succeeded in making him flustered, which was the most adorable version of Seongwoo there was.

“I like you, hyung,” he repeated evilly, followed by kisses along the ridge of the bone.

Seongwoo groaned and sat up, tussling his hair in frustration.

“Enough. Stop saying that. It’s getting late. If we want to get any sleep, we should take care of you first.”

“Oh, goodie. I wasn’t expecting anything because you were in a pissy mood. Am I getting a reward?”

The spitting image of an excited puppy rolled back onto his side of the bed, putting his arms behind his head and wearing a brilliant smile. Seongwoo crawled over and straddled his lap, lightly sitting his silky, squishy flesh across his thighs, the whole time observing the tent in Danie’s shorts with chic indifference on his gorgeous face.

“I have no choice, do I? Not like I can sleep right now. It’s only fair after you showed promise. I think the student surpassed the teacher finally.”

“Yes, I finally aced a test, then? That’s awesome.”

“Hmm, what should your award be? You know, Niel, I’ve been thinking. What we’ve done, it’s starting to not feel like enough. What do you think about…if we did more?” the elder commented coyly, licking at his lips hungrily as he unsheathed and glided his fingers along the blonde’s thick member.

Daniel’s eyes popped open and a rush of heat ran through his body. “You mean…All the way? Are you…sure?”

That was a big thing. There was only one thing that they hadn’t done yet. One thing that neither of them had done with anyone. They had yet to officially lose their virginity. He’d wanted to ask a hundred times and in his mind the only one that he wanted to lose it with was his hyung, but he hadn’t been able to gather his courage and bring it up yet. He knew it would be special and amazing even if it was just in their room by impulse one night.

Daniel was of course ready to do it anytime but always waiting for Seongwoo to ask first, never pushing or begging him for it since he was satisfied with even kissing if that was all that Seongwoo was willing to do with him. It had been a miracle that his attraction had ever been reciprocated. Going all the way with Seongwoo had been nothing but a distant dream he could barely fathom. Until that blessed moment.

A thousand fantasies flashed through his mind, all the things that they could do together, how sensational they would feel, how wonderful of a picture they would make joined together in the ultimate intimate moment. Each image was more like art than the comics he’d seen, and he suddenly wanted it desperately.

Daniel gripped Seongwoo’s small yet shapely hips and gulped.

“Hyung…I’d love that honestly. But you should think about it carefully. It’s something you will always remember and it will also be painful. If you really want it, then let’s do it. But if you think you will hesitate or regret at all, then let’s not. We can wait. Or you can save it for someone you love. Someone that you can be with normally. I’m alright if you don’t do that for me. I’m alright with what we’ve got going so far. So…”

Seongwoo pressed a finger to his lips, brushing the pad gently across the pillowy flesh in an enticing manner. His hazy eyes trailed along his body like a hungry wolf.

“Shh. I’m going to do it. I wasn’t really asking for your permission, Niel. I know you want it as much as I do. I was just saving it for the right moment. Well, I’m not sure if this is the right one, but I just can’t help thinking that I want more. That I want to feel your big dick pulsing inside of me, stretching me out rather than my own fingers. I want to be filled and taken. Sorry for being selfish and impulsive, Niel, but I don’t think I can wait another day. I need to know what it’s like. We’ve waited long enough. I need you…tonight, right now…”

“Fuck…” Daniel exhaled a shaky breath and ran his fingers through his hair. “That’s too fucking sexy. You’re going to kill me, hyung…” he muttered, electric shocks racing through his tense body.

Seongwoo had released and started to stroke his member, staring at him with lusty eyes and parted, wet lips with his fingers already trusting into his hole to prepare himself.

“You can’t die just yet, little brother. I haven’t put it in me or had nearly enough of you. Wait another ten minutes at least before you croak.”

“Ten minutes, ha. I’m not sure I can last one minute at this rate,” he grumbled, digging his fingers into the creamy thighs hovering over him.

He felt like all the blood centered in one area and his brain had turned to mush and his entire body was ablaze. Even the idea of it about to happen after all these weeks the ultimate sin as well as his greatest hope had raised him up into the clouds of heaven.

“Hyung…oh god…” he whispered breathlessly with a look of wonder as Seongwoo slowly lowered his bottom over the tip he was holding carefully.

They both were silent and nervous, barely moving or breathing as they connected for the first time. Seongwoo had his eyes closed, brows folded in heavy concentration. Daniel didn’t even flex his lower body out of fear that he’d cause his brother pain. He could only hope that he wasn’t too hard or too big but there was no way that it could be comfortable with an object in that small, tight space.

He could feel the elder’s muscles contracting, resisting the foreign object. It was incredibly warm and squeezed twice as tight as Seongwoo’s grip ever had been. It felt like a year before Seongwoo had slipped it in until their bodies were touching. He stilled with his hands on Daniel’s firm stomach. Daniel dared to move just his fingertips in comfort along his thighs and study his handsome, scrunched face. He released the breath he was holding, questioning softly.

“Does it hurt really bad?”

Seongwoo shook his head, then paused to tilt it with a quizzical look as he wiggled. Then he shook his head again more certainly and smiled, his pretty face relaxing some of the tension, turning him back to looking youthful.

“Not as much as I feared it would. It’s thicker and uncomfortable compared to fingers. But somehow, I can tell I’ll already like it better. I feel full and complete somehow. It’s intimate and intense and makes me tingle. No need for you to worry, Niel.”

Daniel nodded and gulped, feeling both relieved and nervous. He could hardly believe they were doing this. He hoped that their first time wasn’t disappointing or seriously painful for the both of them.

“Do you want to try to move? I’ll just stay here. You take your time. As long as you need. Any speed you want to go.”

“That’s nice of you. When you’re sweet like that, Daniel, it really messes with me, you know…”

“Well, isn’t it normal to be nice in this situation? You’ve got a dick up your hole. I can only imagine how painful and weird it is.”

Seongwoo laughed at the younger’s joke, stroking his hard stomach in a way that made his insides burn, his pretty eyes opening to gaze warmly at his face. Daniel loved the fondness he saw there more than he knew was logical. What he wouldn’t give to have a photo of that rare look. What he wouldn’t give for his hyung to look at him like that other times when they weren’t being intimate, showing that he was fully open and letting himself feel something.

“Silly. It’s not weird at all. It’s natural and right and it’s wonderful. I chose the right person and the right moment. For sure. I’m really happy now, Daniel. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy.”

He sat up while gently tugging the other down so that their lips could meet for a soft kiss. As usual, once they started kissing, they couldn’t stop. Light, affectionate brushes eventually turned to firm presses and then to passionate licks and bites. Daniel was surprised when Seongwoo suddenly shoved him back to lay on the bed, his expression fierce. They were both panting from their laborious kissing session.

“Enough of that. I’m so ready. I’m burning up now. It feels good. I need to move. Hold on, Niel. We’re going for a ride. Pray that it doesn’t snap.”

With a sudden, aggressive movement, the raven-haired beauty shifted upwards and then slammed his bottom onto Daniel’s thighs without any other warning. Daniel unconsciously tensed and thrust up, a shiver running through him, a thick groan erupting from his though. He was seeing stars in their darkened ceiling beyond the glow in the dark stick-ons Seongwoo had put there last year.

“Uh, hyung! Uh…”

Seongwoo arched and wiggled, tossing his head back with a husky moan slipping out of his slackened, bow-shaped lips. A look of bliss and wonder crossed their faces after their heads rolled around and their glassy eyes refocused on each other. Daniel felt like he might pass out from the waves of intense, new pleasure. Everything besides Seongwoo was fuzzy and unfocused.

He forgot everything but the unfamiliar, tingling waves coursing through him, his quickened pulse, his choked breath, the future groans he felt built up in his chest.

His brother had never looked so gorgeous as he did then. He’d never felt so close and fond of him. Connecting did special, weird things to them that he couldn’t explain but that he loved already. He was so thankful for Seongwoo allowing this to happen, for giving him a memorable first time but he could hardly breathe let alone form words.

Seongwoo huffed with a sensual smirk. “Good, isn’t it? But I already want more…”

Daniel couldn’t object even if he’d wanted to (and he’d have been insane to want to stop this perfection from continuing). He didn’t dare close his eyes because he didn’t want to miss a moment of the other rising up and slamming gracefully down over him. He stole himself by tensing and biting his lip this time, the groan escaping him being a bit less embarrassingly loud.

This time, Seongwoo didn’t sink all the way down. He bent backwards, pressing his hands on his lower stomach and upper thigh, slightly twisting his slender body. As soon as he neared the base, he pushed himself up, that tight, searing hot muscle squeezing up to his tip for a moment and then slipping quickly back down. He worked his body expertly with careful concentration and more control than Daniel knew the clumsy boy could possess. Slowly slipping up and then rapidly sinking down to a steady rhythm which drove him insane.

Daniel didn’t think he lasted more than a couple minutes like that, listening to Seongwoo’s airy, passionate cries and watching his pleasure, blissful expressions, their eyes full of amazement and excitement stuck on each other. He suddenly burst with a choked warning that came a moment too late, grabbing his brother’s hips and slamming him to meet his wild thrusts, thick groans and curses slipping from his mouth.

Seongwoo rolled his hips as quick as he could, squeezing his muscles he wasn’t fully sure how to work yet to make the moment more pleasurable for his lover. As they thrashed together, he cradled Daniel’s blonde head and kissed his sweaty temple, murmuring something that he never had before.

“Like…I like this…I like you, Niel-ah…I know it’s wrong for us to do this and terribly wrong for me to feel that way, but maybe that’s why I can’t help it and why it feels so tempting. I like you in ways that I really shouldn’t. Thank you for being my first. That was amazing. I don’t regret that I chose you.”

“Me neither, hyung. I’ll never regret this. It was so perfect,” he breathed huskily, pressing his nose to his sweaty, sweet scented neck.

They were so exhausted and emotional afterwards that they fell asleep cuddling, their half-bare, damp bodies tangled out in the open.

“Seongwoo? Are you not up yet? The trash-collector will be here any moment and you haven’t taken out the trash yet, I noti—Oh! Oh, god!”

Seongwoo’s mother gasped and quickly shut the door to her son’s room. She harshly shook her head, sure that she had to be hallucinating. She couldn’t have possibly seen Seongwoo and Daniel…doing that…

She cracked open the door and peeked inside fearfully. The sight was worse than what she’d first caught a glimpse of. The boys were naked from the waist down, their pajama bottoms and panties scattered on the floor. Daniel was hugging Seongwoo’s waist as if he were at risk of running away, their legs were tangled together intimately, Daniel’s nose was pressed into the back of his neck so much so that his face wasn’t visible. Seongwoo looked peaceful and was wearing the sweetest of smiles.

Suddenly as she saw the inappropriate yet adorable scene, everything clicked with their behavior and changed relationship. They had gotten along because they liked each other. They had at some point amongst their bickering became friends and then that led to affectionate lovers. What had she done wrong, she wondered. That was way beyond what she hoped for.

She wasn’t disgusted by it, though admittedly it came as a shock. She merely felt sorry for them and she felt guilty for not stopping them before it was too late. Now that she knew of their relationship, things weren’t going to be the same with her family. She had a tough choice to make, but she wouldn’t make it alone.

She would make it with the boys that she loved dearly. She had and always would love her son in particular more than life itself. She would discuss with him and let him do as he wanted, what he needed. Even if it was at the sacrifice of her own relationship and happiness. That was how important her son and protecting his delicate emotions were. She’d been through several heartbreaks, but she didn’t want him to at such a ripe age. She’d protect him and help his relationship the best that she could. However, she didn’t think that the solution was to turn a blind eye.

The first unusual thing that Seongwoo noticed when he woke up was that Daniel was still with him. Usually, he slipped to his own room sometime in the middle of the night. The second thing was the time. The third thing was the note on his beside table.

He quickly grabbed the paper and scrambled up, panic rushing through him. Daniel rolled onto his back, his arm still loosely wrapped across his waist. Seongwoo read the letter and then cursed, slamming his hand on the bed. Daniel stirred at the sound of his lover’s distress and groggily opened his eyes. The first thing the blonde saw was Seongwoo grabbing at his bedhead, bent over his knees, crying softly.

“Hyung? What’s wrong?”

“Daniel, we’re screwed…” he sniffed, then shakily handed him the crumpled letter, his face horror stricken and damp. “Mom…she saw us…”

Daniel was speechless as he read the letters several times, hardly believing how unlucky they were. The perfect world they’d been living in had crashed down unexpectedly. They were in a seriously dangerous situation now.

_I happened to walk in and see you guys together. I’m sorry for not noticing things earlier. So, this is why you two became close. Because you’re seeing each other. That came as a shock, I admit. But don’t worry, I’m not against it._

_I will let you both choose how we deal with this. If you want to keep meeting and have an official relationship, then I will make adjustments so you can do that freely without anymore guilt or secrecy. If you wish to remain a family, then you’ll need to stop this all together and go back to being nothing but friends. _

_I will respect your choices. I’m not angry or disgusted, seriously. I understand how this can happen because you’re both charming and you’re at that age where you’re learning about yourselves. I love you both so much and I want what is best for you. Rather than telling you what that is, I believe that I should let you decide that since you’re both adults. _

_Let me know by tonight what you want the status of your relationship to be. I will keep it to myself and handle things, whatever your choice is. My poor, sweet boys, how did this happen, your first love is someone you cannot be with without pain or secrecy, how pitiful…I’m sorry. I love you both. Think carefully and I will respect your choice._

_Love, Mom_

That day, Seongwoo and Daniel called in sick to school. For an hour, they merely sat in the bed. Daniel stared off into space, slowly drowning in his whirlpool of thoughts. While Seongwoo hugged and cried into his seal mountain, refusing to let Daniel see his face. Daniel wanted to do something for him, but he hardly had a clue how to handle his own emotions or the situations. Eventually, he couldn’t bear the sounds of the other’s sobs since he’d never heard him cry in earnest this hard before.

He laid down and rubbed the other’s shoulder, shushing him like he would a baby. It was at the tip of his tongue to say that everything was going to be right and he had no reason to worry or be sad, but he wasn’t capable of spilling lies even if they were necessary to comfort someone in their time of distress. He couldn’t say empty words and he himself was terrified that Seongwoo’s mom would fly back to Canada tomorrow to separate them and that he’d lose Seongwoo forever.

His elder brother now held such a large presence in his life and his existence meant so much to him that he couldn’t imagine his life without him. It was ironic considering how much he’d wished that Seongwoo would just disappear a year ago. So many things had changed. For the better he had thought up until that day.

Currently, he was wondering if it was for the worst. He regretted falling for him and starting this physical relationship. He regretted making Seongwoo miserable and uncertain about his future and ridden with guilt, shame, and embarrassment. He hated that he was hopeless to do anything for him in his time of distress. A part of him said that he didn’t deserve to like Seongwoo when he couldn’t even offer him words of reassurance and protect him from those that he feared. He’d wanted to be Seongwoo’s official boyfriend but he might not be qualified for it.

“Hyung…Shall we tell her the truth? Shall we take the risk? Let them split and then we can be together for real…What do you think of that?”

“No, I don’t think that’s right. We’re young and we’ve just been fooling around. How can we be selfish children about this and make them split? When we probably won’t even last…”

Daniel bristled, his hand pausing at Seongwoo’s rather cold, negative words that he hadn’t expected. He hadn’t believed that Seongwoo would be fully on his side about being official at the risk of their parents failed marriage, sure. However, it was unexpected that he treated his feelings so flippantly. He’d just admitted for the first time that he had liked him last night. Or was that something said merely in a fit of passion while being swept away by the mood?

“Why do you think we wouldn’t last? How do you know that? Sure, we’re young. Sure, it’s our first relationship. Sure, it started out as something physical. But it’s not like that anymore for me, hyung. I’m not just fooling around. When I said I like you, when I held you, when I acted sweet to you, all those times I said nice things to you—I was dead serious. I don’t lie with my words or my actions. I was thinking we could be something. Was it…not like that for you? When you said that you liked me too last night…Were you lying?”

For a few agonizing minutes, Seongwoo was silent and tense besides sniffles here and there, suggesting his crying hadn’t stopped yet. Daniel watched him on the verge of panicking.

“I…I don’t know. It’s…complicated. My mind is a mess. I can’t really tell what I’m feeling. I’m sorry, Daniel. I don’t know what I’m really feeling for you. Sometimes it feels different, but other times it feels like we’re mainly physically compatible. I mean, we’re total opposites, like fire and ice. We clash because of that which isn’t healthy.

I think I also might like you, but I don’t think that I can be as selfish as you. To hurt my mom for a relationship that has no guarantee to go somewhere. When I’m not sure if my feelings are just temporary or if they’re serious. What if our feelings have been based off the thrill of being forbidden? We’re young, Daniel. And immature, rebellious. What do we know about love?

It’s a given that we wouldn’t be forever, just as we will get older and our personalities will change. It’s a risk that I can’t afford to take. My mother…she really loves your father and she’s been so happy. I would be ridden with guilt taking that from her if we ended up not working out. Realistically…”

Daniel snapped then, getting up from the bed and tossing some of his pillows to the floor angrily.

“Enough. I don’t want to hear anymore. Is that why you’re crying so much? Because you’re already breaking up with me in your mind, is that it? Without even discussing it with me? You just go and decide my feelings and plan our failed future all on your own, huh?

You call me selfish for wanting to be with you. You call me unrealistic for thinking that our feelings are more than just thrills and curiosity? Fucking ridiculous, hyung. You call me immature all the time but look at this bullshit you’re spouting.”

Seongwoo was alarmed at how angry and hurt Daniel was. He sat up, sensing that there was either some misunderstanding or he’d said things too harshly.

“Daniel, wait a moment. Let me rephrase. I don’t mean that you’re selfish or immature for thinking that way or that your feelings don’t mean anything. I just mean, considering our age—”

“Age doesn’t matter with love, hyung. I love you. It’s plain and simple. I don’t need school or adults to teach me what my feelings are. I love you so I want to stay with you, no matter what it takes. Even if it means our parents go against us or they have to split up. I want to protect our relationship and be by your side first and foremost because I care about you and the thought of being without you is terrible. You’re my top priority.

But you obviously don’t feel that way. You don’t have serious feelings for me or you would know it and I’m somewhere in the middle of your list of priorities. I was just an experiment to you. An exciting thrill. Someone fun to fool around with. Like all the others. Just I was more convenient because I’m just next door. In the end, you didn’t want anything serious from me and what you said yesterday were just empty words from being caught up in the moment. You weren’t looking at an ‘us’ in the future. I’ll be selfish then. While you’re the jerky user who only thinks with your dick.”

Seongwoo took a deep breath and after exhaling, attempted to reason calmly with the upset blonde. “Daniel, you’re over-reacting. I wasn’t using you or just fooling around. Are you kidding me? I could do that with anyone then. But I stopped meeting anyone but you so I could spend time with you after school. Why would I risk that with my brother, huh? Just for an orgasm? I also feel something special towards you. I don’t know what it is yet but there’s something there. I like you too.”

The younger appeared broken and on the verge of tears, his broad shoulders slumped in defeat.

“You don’t like me the same way though, hyung. Or not as much. You can’t deny that, I see. And now I don’t want to have anything to deal with you. I don’t want to keep loving someone more with no hope of having a relationship. It hurts and it’s tiring. You won’t even tell your mother about us. You want to say that it was a onetime thing? Do you want me to lie and say that we never had anything serious going on and we’ve cleared up our feelings after letting off some steam?

Fine, then that’s what I will do. But don’t expect me to be like I have been. It doesn’t work that way. You get all of me or none of me.”

Daniel brushed Seongwoo’s hand away as he tried to hold him from leaving the room. After that, Daniel left the house and wasn’t back until late that night.

Seongwoo took the initiative on his own to tell his mother that he and Daniel had only fooled around for a bit and that they’d agreed to go back to being normal brothers, that she didn’t need to be concerned. She promised not to tell their father and asked that if he wanted to be with Daniel later, then he should tell her honestly rather than hold back on his feelings for her sake.

Seongwoo made an effort to lie with a smile that he really had no strong feelings for Daniel and that Daniel also had no interest in continuing a relationship with him, so they’d agreed to end it where it was.

That night, both boys stayed in their own rooms, dealing with their pain and frustration any way that they could, praying that magically things would get better and their attachment and strange feelings towards each other would disappear with some time apart. They wished for nothing more but to travel back in the past and be like they were before, which suddenly seemed better since it was less painful.

When they weren’t friendly and knew next to nothing about each other. When they didn’t think of all the things they liked about the other that made them run through their mind most of the day. When they didn’t miss chatting or crave for the other’s touches.

Over the next several months, Seongwoo and Daneil’s relationship was worse than it had ever been. They couldn’t be in the same room without bickering and cursing at each other. It didn’t hold any of the old playfulness that it had before. On occasion, they’d have a physical fight and Seongwoo’s mother had to help cover things up. This added to the strain that was put on her relationship with Daniel’s father who was rarely at home because of his new business job.

They both eventually gave up on Daniel and Seongwoo getting along, which was the main reason for the divorce according to Seongwoo’s mother. Daniel’s father never knew about why those two got along nor that they ever had been in a relationship. He also didn’t know that the reason Seongwoo’s mother decided on divorcing instead of seeing if time and effort would heal her relationship was for her son’s sake.

She saw that Seongwoo was so unhappy and moody these days that he couldn’t focus on his schoolwork. She heard him crying many times in his room yet every time she would ask what it was about, he refused to tell her. She decided on her own that it was because of Daniel. Because of their fighting. Because he had probably said or did something that broke his heart. She didn’t want to hate the boy, but she couldn’t stand to see her son in an unhealthy environment.

For the sake of his health and happiness, after the divorce she moved back to Korea with him to finish out the school year. When she told him her decision, Seongwoo responded ‘okay’ like a robot. He merely nodded with a blank expression, saying that he’d go along with whatever she thought was right and needed for her life, for her happiness.

She couldn’t help but cry and hug him tight then, hating how they both had this sacrificial personality and thus bad luck with relationships. It was the one thing that she wished Seongwoo wouldn’t take from her, but it seemed he had. She felt sad that his first love was so complex and broke his heart like that, turning him into a mere shell of himself. She was more determined than ever to take him away from the boy that was making him miserable and cold and give him a normal life again. She wanted her son to go back to the way he was before, not a broken, emotionless robot.

**2011 Winter, Incheon**

They were in the rented car, driving from the airport to their new home. Seongwoo’s mother was playing her favorite drama soundtracks on low volume while Seongwoo was silently staring outside at the passing rice fields. She glanced over at him with concern several times, uncertain about what to bring up for conversation topics.

She knew that when her son was in a mood, he didn’t like aimless chit-chat as he thought it was a waste of his words and energy. She decided to just jump right to the point; what she was most wondering about. Before she could get a word out of her opened mouth, Seongwoo spoke in a soft, pretty but rather dead voice.

"So...What did he think was the reason?"

Though he didn’t specify, she figured he was asking about the divorce. She squeezed the steering wheel, exhaling tiredly at the memory of that difficult conversation she’d had to broach.

"That you two were fighting too much and I wanted to return with you and my business permanently to Korea. What did you talk about with Daniel? The door was shut and you spoke softly so I didn’t hear anything. I was worried."

Seongwoo sighed in a similar fashion to how his mother just had. He continued staring out the half-opened window, chin resting in his hand with a gloomy expression that had become his norm.

"Nothing much. We just said goodbye."

"I hope that it wasn’t too difficult. I'm glad it didn't end up in swinging fists this time."

Her amused smile faltered when she looked over to see that her son had his eyes closed and a single tear slipped out, trickling down his cheek.

Seongwoo was imagining the last moments he had with Daniel. He'd just told him their flight was soon. Then, the younger acted like he couldn't care less, when suddenly he hugged him from behind and rested his face on his shoulder. In a choked, desperate tone he had muttered.

_"Please don't go. We don't need to be physical nor do we need to be serious. I don't care what you want us to be nor if we have the same feelings. I'm sorry that I have been angry and mean to you. That was immature of me and I'll take it all back. Stay with me. Stay by my side, hyung. Don't leave me all alone. I...I don't know how to live without you anymore. I...don't think I can..." _

_Seongwoo hesitantly reached up and pat his quivering arm before saying oddly calmly, "You were right, Niel. I think maybe I didn't like you the same way or as intensely. That's why I'm not feeling upset about going. Maybe I don't need you like you need me. Maybe it was all just physical for me. Which means I'm not worth your time. _

_Find someone that you can be with proudly who loves you even more than you do. Better luck with your next relationship. I'm sorry that I've hurt you and disappointed you and now I'm leaving you alone. I'm sorry I wasn't crazy and irrational enough to do anything to stay together. I'm sorry that I'm me...I'm messed up, twisted, insincere and complicated. You deserve better. Someone easier, nicer, braver, not as driven by their desires..." _

_"Hyung..." _

_Daniel clung to him, dampening his shirt with his tears and sniffling. _

_"Don't go please. Stay with me. What can I do to get you to stay? I'm sorry for everything. I'll be better. I'll be a good brother. I won't even touch you or say anything weird, I promise. Hyung, don't go, hmm? Don't go..." _

No matter how much he begged and cried, Seongwoo didn't crack. He still felt mostly numb and out of it as if his soul was not in his body at that time. He'd thought maybe he was a heartless, unromantic person incapable of love as Daniel had once said in their many arguments after their breakup.

He felt terrible and guilty seeing how sincere Daniel was and had been towards him. Daniel seemed to have truly loved him with his whole heart though he had been keeping the lid on exposing the intensity of his feelings for his own sake. Because he had feared what was happening. That Seongwoo didn't feel the same.

Why had he been with Daniel until then? He started to doubt himself and his own feelings since their breakup. That maybe he had been using and fooling around with Daniel because he was lonely, bored, curious and horny. That maybe he had never really cared about him.

That's what he had thought until he'd checked his phone after using his new SIM card once they’d landed in Incheon. He'd found that Daniel had blocked him and erased his contact information. He couldn't contact him or see him in the future even if he wanted to. Before he hadn't had any intention to, thinking it was best to forget that boy’s existence and work on erasing those memories that hurt and irked him to think about.

However, as soon as he realized that what his choice had done made him lose Daniel for good, the emotions he thought he'd been strangely lacking suddenly appeared. Like the aftershocks of an earthquake, rocking him to his core without warning. He realized he had liked Daniel and this whole breakup hurt like a bitch and that he was going to miss his brother turned lover terribly in the days to come.

The saying goes, _you never know what you're missing until it's gone._ That was ideal for his situation. The weeks of blocked emotions he’d been unaware he was avoiding hit him at once like a tsunami on the drive and he had a hell of a time keeping quiet and hiding his tears from his mom as he grieved.

"Aigoo, my baby boy. You finally gave in to what you're feeling huh? That’s actually good. Cry it all out. Don’t avoid the pain anymore."

His mom pat and squeezed his hand with a reassuring, sympathetic tone. He could do nothing but keep his mouth covered and wipe at his leaking, puffy eyes, feeling ashamed of the massive waterworks.

"This is why I decided to take you back to Korea, Seongwoo. Breakups are rough, especially the first. You need time to think and sort yourself out. You probably have been torn because you don't understand your own feelings and it hasn't been helping that he's angry and starting fights.

What you need is time away from him. Time to yourself, darling. If you realize you like him seriously, then you can be with him again later. You can continue your first love. After you fix your emotions and understand yourself and what you want. If not, then you can work on forgetting him. You will meet someone better that's similar to you rather than the opposite. Trust me that's much easier. Not as complicated. Especially I won't be getting married to anyone with kids in the future."

She joked and laughed bitterly but she was on her own. Seongwoo was not a bit close to being in the mood.

"I'm not sure if I can...like someone else...feel this way…ever again..." He admitted quietly, not expecting his mother to have heard him.

"Eh~ That's just your broken heart talking. We all get emo and think that way after our first relationship doesn't go well. We all cry a river and feel like out heart is being ripped and stabbed. It's normal honey. It's part of growing up. But you should know. First loves are not meant to last. They're meant to end and then we learn from them so that they can help us with our second love that usually goes better. It's merely a stepping stone in life. A memory to cherish."

Seongwoo nodded in acknowledgement that he understood her advice. She went silent continuing to pat his hand. The crying boy watched the passing buildings, hoping that his intense pain and longing would soon fade and that the memories would disappeared as quickly as their chances to be happy together had. Otherwise he felt like he really couldn't bear to live on.

A life without Daniel and his boldly expressed, boundless love suddenly seemed so insufferably bleak that it wasn't worth maintaining.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to end with angst. At least you got the smutty fluffy parts, a huge chunk in the beginning. This story has to move quickly because it's not going to be super long. Their past is only about 30% of the story. I hope you enjoyed their teenage moments. They had a rocky relationship, but it had it's special sweet moments. I'm sure they won't forget each other anytime soon. Wonder how long it will take to meet them again and how~ Tell me your theories! (it's different from the manhwa from here on especially but no worries, there will still be smut with these too and a couple of other guys coming between them down the road). 
> 
> Have a great weekend! Thank you for giving this story a chance ^^
> 
> <3 Raina


	3. Reset, Restart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been years without a clue about the other's wherabouts or well-being, yet there wasn't a day that went by when the ex-brothers didn't miss each other, regret how things ended, or wonder what their first love, their better half, was up to. At a concert he was dragged to by his Kpop-obsessed boyfriend, Seongwoo sees a familiar face on the screen. From there, the two restart their relationship.

**2016 Fall, Gocheok Sky Dome**

"Oh, they're here! I'm so excited. They're the coolest. Watch, you're going to love them too."

"Right, sure..."

Seongwoo resisted just barely from rolling his eyes, unable to keep that characteristic sarcasm out of his voice. He disliked idols and especially was not a fan of pop music from any country. He could appreciate dancing as another sort of art form, but the music was just not his preference. It was too peppy, the music artificial, and the lyrics usually lacked substance.

He preferred music that was pleasant to the ears, real, and meaningful. He didn't like rock music anymore either, since the guitars, drums, and shouting took a toll on his ears that the emotional words couldn't overcome. He was more into indie rock, piano pieces, and ballads these days. He was only at this festival because of his boyfriend, who was a K-pop fan. He had so many groups that he liked that Seongwoo lost track of who was his favorite.

From the way Jimin carried several light sticks and banners in his bag for his various bias groups, he thought each one was his favorite. Until the next group was announced. He bounced and squealed so much that it was embarrassing.

Seongwoo pulled his black cap down further, pretending he didn't know the person on his right making an utter fool of himself. He wondered again why he'd chosen to date this guy out of all the candidates at his art school. Then, he felt the man's solid buff arms around his shoulders as he excitedly hugged him.

"They're coming, hyung! Look, they're like gods! Have you ever seen anyone cooler? I wish I was half as cool and could dance. I bet you would go crazy for me then, huh?"

The way he talked, his large body, his shaggy blonde hair, the way that he was always smiling and affectionate--it reminded him of someone he'd cared for in the past. Seongwoo had spent years in college dating around, trying to forget that person. Even making sure to give himself punishments when he thought about him or tempted to search him up online.

Yet here he was—clinging to the first guy that was had similar traits he came across even though they had nothing in common and he found him irritating, not to mention a selfish, rather dull lover. He hadn’t inherited the skills and caring, enticing way of touching that the man in his memories had unfortunately.

He’d been planning to break up with this guy soon because he couldn’t stand some things about him and he found their conversations dreadfully boring, but then he’d seemed so excited about this concert that he’d begged him into going. Also, the guy hated to do anything alone so if he didn’t go, then he’d likely be forced to cancel last minutes and tickets in their country really weren’t cheap. Some nice bone in his body that hadn’t yet by some miracle been cracked to pieces compelled Seongwoo to go to a place that he disliked and push back his break-up plans.

The art student hissed, “Calm down a bit, would you? They’re just people like you and me. What do you mean, gods? Such an exaggeration. You know. You’d be much more likable without this obsession of yours. I’m freaking sick of this.”

The man didn’t hear his irritated muttering because he was already cheering and waving his light stick like the shrilly screaming, wild fan girls they were surrounded by. Seongwoo was one of the few just standing there with an indifferent expression. The large screen hanging from the dome’s ceiling showed a group of idols dressed in fancy suits with their rainbow colored hair styled up like vampires, their brown eyes covered by various colored contacts, their probably plastic, extra smooth and oddly shimmering faces caked in make-up like he’d once worn.

Nowadays Seongwoo went light with his make-up, keeping it natural except he still had a penchant for smoky eyes (dark, edgy, and intense like his soul). He felt like their looks were overboard. It wasn’t good for their skin and it gave people around the world the wrong impression that Koreans liked a more feminine style. In reality, when men wore make-up if they chose to not be lazy one morning, they usually wore it naturally.

The fact that he’d liked heavy make-up had already been an issue in Korean but when he went to Canada without understanding that many Western men considered it strange to wear make-up at all, he’d ended up getting bullied and ridiculed for it. It was an easily distinguishable mark that he was gay supposedly; he hadn’t ever told those Canadians they were wrong since he didn’t lie or care all that much if people found that fact out. He wasn’t proud or ashamed of it. It was simply a fact that he’d long ago accepted was and would likely never change.

He had no qualms even in Korea going out with his boyfriends or being physical just like he hadn’t in Canada with his cosmetics, fashion, reading, or music choices. If people had a problem with something about his tastes, that was their issue to deal with. It wasn’t a crime for him to like boys and that didn’t define him as a person. There was much more to him than that he was gay and for the most part he liked who he was, no matter what others thought or thoughtlessly said.

Seongwoo hadn’t expected to enjoy the performance at all. He forcefully watched the screen with disinterest because he’d already looked several times around the crowded venue. There wasn’t much to see there and the sight didn’t change over the hours. His feet hurt as he bounced back and forth, his hands in his trench coat because he wasn’t the sort to wave them about like an advertisement balloon.

He prayed that this group was the highlight of the concert so that they could finally leave this place. His boyfriend promised that he would pay for the meal and wine of his choice after the show and he was getting antsy for that. How did anyone survive a three-hour concert, really? They had only had a bottle of water since they arrived four hours ago. They’d been standing in order to see over the sea of dark heads for who knew how long.

“How much longer? I’m hungry,” Seongwoo whined while pawing at his boyfriend’s arms, then pouted when he was ignored.

He turned back to the screen disgruntled, wondering what was so great about these guys that he suddenly didn’t seem to exist. He was determined to break up with this guy tonight after getting dinner because he couldn’t stand this sort of thing anymore. He hated being second best to some celebrities that the guy had never met and would likely never meet. If it was just one group or he liked them normally, things would be different. Instead, his room was full of their posters, his bookshelves had a ton of albums and merchandise, he streamed music videos even when he was over at his place to visit, and several times he’d cancelled a date with him to go to an idol related event or even because he had some ‘v-live’ thing to watch. He’d drawn the line at this moment; being dragged here and then even ignored when his ‘gods’ came on the stage.

The brunette who couldn’t lose in terms of looks to any idol crossed his arms and glared at the screen.

“Tch. What’s so good about them? They’re not even that handsome. From what I can see, the back-up dancers are more attractive and better at dancing. They’ve got sharper moves and they’re charisma…tic…”

Seongwoo drifted off, his head sinking forward like a turtle falling out of its shell, his eyes squinting as they focused on a zoomed in image on the popped out screen. Some of the back-up dancers appeared there, with faces shown in detail. He gasped as if he’d been splashed with cold water, his hand flying to his dropped mouth. The rest of his body went frozen and his breath caught in his throat.

Those hazel eyes, that handsome yet cutely soft face, that dusty, thick blonde hair, the fluffy cheeks, the plush heart shaped lips. It was him. It was Daniel. His first love. His at one time brother. The man that he’d been trying hard and failing to forget.

_My Niel is on the big screen and he’s dancing like a professional. It’s so nice to see him. He looks good, healthy and filled out, more manly…But wait. _

What on Earth was he doing on stage with idols? He’d seriously made dancing into a career? He’d become a back-up dancer? Well, it was true that once he said something, he went through with it usually, even back then. So, he’d found a way to turn his hobby into a way to make money and even got to go around with an idol group and appear in concerts like this.

_Not bad, for a mutt who never studied or thought two days into the future anyway._

Did he live in Korea? Or was he on tour with them? Or was it a temporary job? How long was he going to be here? He wasn’t going to fly off to Canada or another country tomorrow, was he? Could he meet him before he left? Should he even?

Questions ricocheted through his brain rapidly like out of control bullets, attacking and then fleeing from his conscious before Seongwoo had a moment to think of a plausible answer before another came.

“Seongwoo hyung? Are you alright?”

“Y-yes?”

The student finally managed to tear his eyes away from the screen for a moment when Daniel’s face disappeared from the screen. The camera went back to focusing on those in the center of the idol group that was dancing on stage. His boyfriend surprised him by noticing his condition in the middle of a dance break, but now Seongwoo had absolutely no interest in talking to him in that moment.

He turned back to the screen after absently saying he was fine. His heart raced and his jittery hands fidgeted with his sweater sleeves as his eyes flitted around, trying to get another look. Praying but also dreading it.

When Daniel didn’t appear on the screen, he looked at the stage. He was able to spot him easily by his large build (was he even buffer and taller? Ridiculously unfair, he had hardly grown or filled out all these years despite having a trainer) and blonde, fluffy hair. His heart thumped so loudly that his chest hurt and he started hiccupping. His eyes stuck on Daniel dancing on the side while his hand hit his lurching chest.

“You’ve got hiccups. Drink some water. Hyung? Drink.”

Seongwoo attempted to wave his boyfriend off, getting annoyed that he was daring to distract him from watching the dancer, but then he recalled that no-one in fact besides his mother had any idea about his disastrous, sinful, forbidden first love. Most people were not aware that he’d had a brother or that he’d lived in Canada with another family for a year. He avoided saying as much personal stuff as possible. Jimin only knew the bare minimum, since he figured they wouldn’t be lasting that long from the beginning.

He smiled and thanked the man, taking the water bottle that he was nudging his arm with. He took small sips, eyes still glued to the stage. His boyfriend went back to chanting, shouting, and waving his light stick which looked to him like a damn fool.

_Why hurt your arm while looking stupid like that? Do their performances or skills improve because you pump a glowing plastic stick up and down? Am I stuck in some sort of magical world I wasn’t aware of having entered? Were these fruit-loops not singers but energy sucking entertainers? _

The brunette didn’t get it. Nor care to. However, somehow seeing his brother on stage made him want to cheer as well. He didn’t know the words and all he had was his water bottle. He raised it up and followed what his boyfriend did. His shouts were weak and self-conscious and his pumps were half-hearted but his boyfriend smiled brightly, delighted that he was joining him, the first time that his hobby had ever been acknowledged.

Seongwoo smiled shyly, his face heating up, guilt washing over him. This copy-cat Daniel which name currently escaped his mind didn’t have any clue that he wasn’t cheering for him but rather for the original one. He also had no idea that even the subtle sight of the other from this distance was making him feel flutterier than he ever had, even in the midst of intercourse.

His mother had been right that he’d never forget his first love and he’d always have a special place in his heart. What she’d been wrong about thus far was that there would be someone else for him. Seeing Daniel again made him realize it; that he was irreplaceable and unforgettable. He needed to have him back in his life somehow.

At least they could be friends. They’d been good at that. He didn’t just want to be an ex that never contacted him the rest of his life. They’d grown too close for that. They’d clicked too well. He’d learned his lesson—not to let a good thing go. The only good thing that ever happened in his life, to be honest, was Daniel. Since fate gave him a second chance to make things right, he was going to grasp it and not let him go.

But how could he possibly talk to him? Should he go up to the front of the stage? Wouldn’t that be risky because of the guards? He might get thrown out of the venue and lose his chance.

Seongwoo chewed on his lip, feeling anxious. He watched the rest of the performance with a saccharine smile and pumped his water bottle listlessly, his mind busy trying to come up with a plan.

Seongwoo had failed to come up with a successful plan but by his luck even after stalling up to an hour after the concert was finished, he saw the dancers leaving the venue, headed for a large van. It was an impulsive move very much unlike him that left his boyfriend absolutely stumped, but he had to act fast or he’d lose his only chance.

He rushed to the edge of the crowd of fan girls waiting for the idols to come out to go to their various vans. They luckily weren’t paying much mind to the back-up dancers. He spotted the broad-shouldered blonde and waved his arms.

“Daniel! Kang Daniel! Look here! It’s me! Ong Seongwoo!”

The following scene was like those cheesy scenes in romance movies. Daniel whipped around and then froze. Seongwoo smiled brightly and waved once their eyes met. Then that familiar brilliant, charming, dimpled, eye-squinting smile appeared on his handsome (even more so than back then since he’d lost some baby fat) face.

“Hyung? Seongwoo hyung!” He called and then was slow motion running in his direction.

Seongwoo didn’t know what possibly compelled them to meet in the middle of the street and cling to each other like lovers meeting after twenty years of seperation, Daniel lifting him high and crushing his waist while he squeezed around the other’s neck tightly. But that’s what happened. As if they’d never had a miserable break up, made each other cry several times, argued and insulted each other so strongly that it ended up in literal fist fights, or blocked each other on all SNS options. The moment that they reunited it was as if all their extremely negative, painful memories were washed away by a powerful wave.

“What are you doing here?” the caramelly blonde asked with pleasant disbelief, his angular, hazel eyes full of twinkling stars. The positive emotion there was as clear as ever to read, since Daniel had always lived honestly and expressed himself in a way that Seongwoo envied.

Seongwoo teased in a cheerful tone, “I happen to live here, Daniel. The question is, is what in the hell are you doing dancing on a stage in Korea?”

“It’s for my work. I’m also living here now. I didn’t think I’d ever see you in this kind of place. You graduated from rock music and became an idol fan? It doesn’t really suit you.”

“No, of course not! I hate idols and pop music still! I came here with someone that’s why. I was dragged here.”

Daniel had pulled back, his expression somewhat less bright as if he were disappointed. Seongwoo could read his thoughts easily—he didn’t like the idea that Seongwoo had a boyfriend or an interested date. Suddenly, the student also decided that he wasn’t fond of the idea either. While looking over his shoulder his hands started to slide from his waist which Seongwoo hated. He held his hands there and smiled sweetly.

“Someone? Ah, you’re seeing someone. That’s your b…”

Seongwoo quickly lied, as easy as breathing, “He’s nobody. I’m not seeing anyone. What about you?”

The blonde became flustered, scratching at the back of his neck and laughing dorkily. Seongwoo was delighted to see that adorable habit hadn’t changed and that he’d never fixed his rabbit-like front teeth.

“Me? No-one. That’s good. I mean, um, it’s not exactly good. I sure don’t like being single all that much but…Well, if your friend doesn’t mind, I’d like to hang out now. Take you out for dinner or coffee or something.”

_I’ll break up with…what’s-his-name later. I’ve really lost my interest, I was planning on dumping him after today anyway, and I want to spend my limited free time getting to know Daniel again. Being available is probably better. Just in case he wants to meet up or talk a couple more times before leaving the country again. Just in case of…other things maybe happening too…_

_When his thoughts started going strange places, he bit his lip. Daniel’s eyes ran across the pale man’s flushed, pretty face, drinking it in greedily as if to commit it to memory._

“Take a picture. It will last longer.”

“I intend to. I’m going to get a ton of selfies with you and brag to all my friends about how I met this super hot model.”

Seongwoo snorted, playfully slapping his arms. “Hey, now. I appreciate the compliments, but you shouldn’t lie like that. Your nose will grow like Pinocchio.”

“Come to think of that. You’ve seen the animation movie, right? Don’t you think the shape and the whole extending straight out thing is rather fallic?”

Seongwoo burst into laughter, falling over onto his chest. He hadn’t laughed that hard in…he couldn’t recall the last time he was taken over by a fit of giggles. It felt nice. It felt like he were a broken-down machine and someone had just hit the reset button, bringing him to life once more. Daniel held his shoulders ever so gentle and his body felt like a solid, safe heaven.

That was the simple way they became entangled in each other’s lives again, re-starting their connection. This time though, they were starting out as friends and they weren’t at all related. Seongwoo ditched his nameless, mediocre boyfriend that night without a second of regret and spent the rest of the day eating dinner and drinking coffee with Daniel.

They chatted about what had been happening in their lives as well as agreeing to forget all that had happened in their past (they barely even discussed it, both not wanting to talk about it and stir up hard feelings). They decided to start anew. They didn’t, however, act as if they didn’t know about each other; they couldn’t fully go back to being blank slates. The facts and the attraction and the habits were all still there. Their closeness that came from a year of living together, hours of intimacy and aimless chats—that couldn’t be ignored.

They shared information about how their parents were doing and their current status with work and studies. Daniel’s father was swamped with work and had taken up golfing as a hobby while Seongwoo’s mother, who was still in touch with his father only for business, had her café business going with a new branch to come soon that Seongwoo was planning to help out with after graduating college.

Seongwoo was studying graphic design at an arts school. Daniel had done his military service right after graduating high school and then went back to dancing school. He had only been accepted into the company and moved to Korea a few months ago.

They both were happy with their status and working hard for their dreams. They didn’t touch much on their relationship history besides to admit that they were currently solo and hadn’t had anyone majorly serious. Daniel still laughed a lot and scratched the back of his neck when he was shy. Seongwoo still fidgeted and blushed if he received an exaggerated bundle of compliments from him. He was still indifferent, cool, and prickly and Daniel was still as bubbly, childish, and cocky as ever.

They found each other more alluring, handsome, and charming than before, possibly because they dressed differently and their looks and way of thinking and talking were more mature than when they were teenagers.

Although the attraction was there, besides a bit of flirting, steamy stares, and light, accidentally on purpose brushes, they didn’t act on it the first day they reunited. They attempted to keep their relationship from getting messy, not wanting to travel down the same complicated, painful path. They weren’t brothers legally anymore, but somehow they still felt like they were and the fact that they were opposites and their parents might have issues with a relationship between them kept their lustful thoughts on lock-down.

It was simply nice to be around each other without animosity, making up for the time they’d spent missing and wondering about each other. At dawn when they’d finally decided to split up because they needed to get some sleep to function in their duties later that day, they followed each other’s SNS and shared their new contact information, promising to stay in touch and not get overly emotional and impulsive this time around.

“Hyung…I’m sorry that I over-reacted before. The situation was complicated back then, not like you could have stayed even if you’d wanted to. Thank you for forgiving my immature teenage self. It’s really great to see you and I’m glad to see you’ve lived well and are healthy. I’ve missed you, really really missed you a ridiculous amount…”

Daniel held him as sweetly as he remembered, though it felt different because he was larger and warmer. He felt smaller and safer in his embrace. He couldn’t help but hold his toned back and cozy up to his firm, nice smelling chest. The only way to describe it was as if he’d returned back home after a long, lonely, exhausting journey.

“I missed you too. I’m sorry for back then. For not being more honest and sensitive. For not considering what you were saying more seriously. I didn’t exactly know until later after you’d blocked all contact with me, but it’s still no excuse. I should have sent you an apology letter at least.”

“It’s fine. We agreed that’s in the past and it’s better not to bring it up. I forgave and forgot already, hyung. That immature, overly sensitive boy is grown up. You weren’t in the wrong more than me. I knew that after I’d calmed down and re-evaluated myself. I was selfish, impulsive, and acting too much on my emotions. You were right. It would have been wrong for us to continue seeing each other and it was risky. We were so young and the chances of us working out then were slim to none. I’m glad that we aren’t the ones responsible for our parents splitting. They’re friends now and my Dad is completely in the blue, which is better for him I think.”

“Is it really fine? Sometimes, I think that you were right and I was wrong. I think about how things might have been if I’d been braver and more selfish. Not so logical all the time. If I had put our feelings and ‘us’ first. If I hadn’t run away to what I thought was the safer option. Would we have had a happier youth? Would we still be together now? Would our parents have turned a blind eye and let us be a happy family while dating in secret? I’m still plagued by the what-ifs and have many regrets…”

Seongwoo sighed softly, resting his chin on Daniel’s shoulder. Daniel comfortingly rubbed his spine as if he were stroking a cat’s back. Seongwoo knew then why their cats had loved it so much. He was very tempted to start purring. He’d missed this man’s special, caring touches like crazy.

“Who knows. There’s no way we can know that, hyung. Unless your genius brain has designed a time machine by any chance. Then by all means…”

“Dammit. I haven’t quite managed to get it working yet.”

They both chuckled at their lame jokes. It lightened the heavy mood, sweeping away some of the subtle sadness that had pressed over them. The infamous, unbreakable duo was back.

“It’s better if you don’t think about it. Worrying about things you can’t do anything about just gives you early wrinkles. You need to keep this handsome face never disappointing and flawless.”

Seongwoo chuckled, bashfully looking down as Daniel pinched his cheek and gazed upon him in that overbearingly open, fond way he had. As ever, he both liked and felt uncomfortable with the intense, raw way Daniel looked at him. It made him feel flattered and also self-conscious.

“You don’t look so bad yourself. No longer looking like you got run over by a truck. Though I wouldn’t say you’re quite brag-worthy enough to put on my Instagram.”

The blonde’s mouth crooked up on one side in amusement at the familiar insult in that chilly, indifferent tone. “Guess that nasty mouth of yours hasn’t changed much. Now I look like?”

“You got stepped on by cats? Because you probably would let them walk over you, the way you’re a sappy cat-mania.”

Daniel snorted and then burst out laughing, holding his hand to his now exceptionally firm gut and patting his shoulder. “You’re as hilarious and bratty as ever. Saying the opposite of what you think. Sliding in an insult when I least expect it. I love it.”

Seongwoo smirked, swallowing back a nervous laugh and tugged at his earlobe. Hearing that word slip casually out of his mouth made his stomach turn and his pulse quicken subtly.

“Um, I guess I should go. See you later?”

“Yeah, we’ll see each other again. Hopefully soon. Bye, hyung. Sleep tight.”

Thinking of that reminded him of the next part of that phrase. “Niel-ah. Are you still scared of bugs?”

“Yeah. Absolutely terrified. Will you catch them for me like you used to?”

“I will. But don’t fall for me this time,” Seongwoo teased with a playful grin.

Daniel grinned widely back, his eyes full of affection and amusement, his hand resting on his elbow as if reluctant to let him leave just yet.

“That’s quite a challenge. You grew more irresistibly charming by the year.”

“Shut up with your nonsense or I’ll sick mosquitoes on you.”

“You shut up first and go inside already. Before I kick your negative butt and make it cave in.”

They eventually waved and went their separate ways, one inside his apartment complex and the other towards the line of parked taxis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short one but I decided to leave the rest of their meetings to your imagination rather than going into full detail. Consider this a fluffy filler chapter, though it's still important. But it's needed as a break for you to rest your heart for the following drama and hotness to come in the second part of this story. I hope it was easy to visualize and that the sweet moment made you smile. How cool it would be to meet your first love many years later on stage though by sheer coincidence. To turn around and see your first love just there and more gorgeous than ever and happy to see you. The rush of excitement and bliss you'd feel to hug and chat, all the things you'd have to catch up, the nostalgic feelings, a blast from the past, so to speak. I think meeting this way again is romantic and I was trying to bring about a scene from a movie. Dunno if it came out that way because it's short and not full of details, but if you felt that way then I'm proud of myself. Hehe. *pats shoulder* 
> 
> I can't believe I wrote about Jimin, that's the first non wanna one related ship that I've put in my stories in so many years and I've literally never ever written about anyone from BTS cus I'm not a fan. I did that just for the ong-min shippers. But it's just the way he looks that I'm using for the character here, nothing else cus I don't really know anything about his personality, so do forgive me (it's a little cameo in fiction after all, I wish his fans wouldn't take it seriously, but I'll change something if it offends you or is completely inaccurate). There's more ong/niel related ships down the road but it's of course a surprise~ Wouldn't it be fun to guess though? I'll tell you that there's three more ships appearing on here and you can guess which ones they are below~ 
> 
> Thoughts please? See ya in a week! Get ready for another time skip~ TGIF, have an amazing weekend!!! 
> 
> <3 Raina


	4. Re-Forgetting You Fails

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashforward to possibly the most messed up but still oddly hot and sweet relationship you've ever seen (heavily inspired by the webtoon Hate or Love). Ong is slightly less messed up than Heesoo (but he's still a rather cold manwhore, actually I get so frustrated with Heesoo) and Niel is sweeter and more forward than Joowon is (though honestly I love JW just the way his character is, I think he's great)
> 
> I recommend listening to these songs (or just the whole album) while reading because lyrics and mood really suit this couple: Lauv's Never Not, Getting Over You, Bracelet, Breathe, Chasing Fire, Reforget, and Easy Love. Sorry I can't make a playlist but it's all on youtube or spotify~

**2019 Fall, Seoul**

"You're breaking up with me? Suddenly? Over what? What did I do wrong? Just tell me and I'll fix it, Seongwoo hyung. I really like you. I can't let you go like that. Not when what we have has been so great. Please don’t do this."

Seongwoo stared coldly at the man across the table from him and slightly sneered, showing his true character.

"What exactly was so great? I've been bored to death since the first week after we started dating. I've been hinting for weeks now that I wasn't into you and wanted to break up. I was graciously giving you the chance to save your pride and not have a messy break up like this. I dropped a countless number of clues. You're cute but you're incredibly dense, Ohje. I don’t think you’re going to be able to make it as a police, so shoot for your second option."

The youthful, largely built blonde looked like a kicked puppy, almost making Seongwoo feel guilty but he planned to stick to his resolve. "Why are you suddenly being mean? What’s with that frigid look? Is this the real you?"

"Oh god. Here the waterworks come again. You're such a baby. Stop crying. Ugh, maybe I need to stop seeing people who are younger and sensitive. They always turn out to be saps."

He rubbed his temples as the buff twenty-three-year-old with a puppy disposition broke down sobbing like a toddler.

The other whimpered. "Seongwoo hyung. I love you. Can't you give me another chance? If it's because I'm immature or I experienced, I'll research how to be more exciting and the sort of guy you like, so... please don’t…don’t do this…"

Seongwoo sighed and rather awkwardly pat his shoulder. He was never much of a comforter, so the gesture was foreign to him.

"Ohje, listen. It's not really you. The reason why we didn’t work out. It's me. This is how I really am. You didn't believe me when I said I'm an ugly person inside. I told you not to be that serious about me. That I'm the worst with relationships. That I’m hiding much of the messed-up person I am. That I don’t develop attachments."

"I thought if I was sincere enough that I could be different. That I could change you. That you’d develop some attachment even slightly to me."

"I was sincere to you too. I liked you when we first started dating. I tried my best but it's just not working out. Things are cooling off. I don't know why and it's unfortunate. You're a nice guy and a decent boyfriend too. Just not for me. You deserve better than me anyway. Consider that I'm doing you a favor. Letting you off the hook. You'll find---"

Ohje slammed the table, appearing furious, face damp and splotchy which made him cute and quite kissable. Seongwoo sat back, clenched his fists under the table, and gulped, resisting the temptation. That sort of face he was weak against.

Ohje was handsomely cute plus he was genuinely nice, easy-going, and sweet. He had the most banging body too. Seongwoo had wanted things to work out for once but in the end, purity and normal romance didn't share his interest for long. At this rate, he was going to hurt the kid even worse, scar him and affect his future relationships. He'd already started to avoid him and ignore his texts which had turned him anxious.

He'd been down this road with every younger, energetic, romantic young-twenty-something he'd been with, so he saw clearly where it was going. Before their nasty break up made the other a wreck and gave him distress and drama, he'd thought he'd cut the whole thing off simply while it was still alright and the kid didn't yet annoy the hell out of him. He was going to though with that godawful crying. He really couldn't understand that habit the student had. He himself hardly cried since that year when he was eighteen experiencing his first and only heartbreak. He saw it as a sign of weakness and immaturity. In general, it made him downright uncomfortable.

"Don’t say I'm going to find someone else. You're pretty, smart, talented, creative, charismatic. There's no one that can replace you. I’ve never met anyone so amazing. Hyung, don't give up on me yet. I'll do better. I know. I'll make you feel really good. That will put you in a pleasant mood. Then we can talk about this calmly instead of jumping to drastic solutions. Let's go somewhere we can be alone."

"The food though...and I was serious...I want to break up..."

Seongwoo muttered, turning rapidly flustered by those large, warm hands rubbing his own. The way that he was rough yet gentle at the same time had been quite intoxicating. To be honest, the only reason he was drawn this long to the crybaby was the sex. Of all the people that he'd been with this year, Ohje was the closest to his ideal sex partner and it made him drool even imagining it. That's why he was patient and considerate to the point that it had lasted several months. That was twice longer than his average relationship.

"Okay, hyung, I understand. Let's have one last moment. I promise I'll leave you alone and not whine and accept your decision. Just give me a night. Hmm? Don't leave this time around with your random strange excuses. Stay with me and sleep in. Hmm?"

"Alright, alright. Just stop with the puppy look please. You know how that affects me."

The blonde sniffed and smiled crookedly, looking intoxicatingly adorable and sexy then. Damn those cute and sexy types that knew how to get their way with that fucking puppy act. He despised his weak soul.

This was all THAT man's fault. For being like that when he stole his heart. For making that type vibrate a part of his otherwise still solid rock of a heart.

Before collecting his stuff while Ohje paid for their half-finished meal, Seongwoo glanced at his contacts. There were as he expected no new messages. The jerk that he was waiting for said he was in the country yesterday for the week, but he didn't respond anything about his suggestion to meet. That's how it always went and it was even more frustrating these days than ever.

That fucking prick, Kang Daniel. How dare he pull this shit again? The obnoxious, free-spirited dancer came and went out of Seoul throughout the year, contacting him on a whim, leaving without telling him in advance. He'd ignore his messages, respond days later, and often leave him on read. He'd also show up at his place or studio unannounced. Waltz in his life without permission, whisk him away with his charms, and then leave him alone to deal with the messy, emotional aftermath of realizing that paradise he’d been living in for a short while was never going to be a reality.

Because they were not just friends. They could never resist that attraction, though they’d managed to hold off for months after reuniting. Because of that irritating part of him that kept waiting and getting stirred by his former brother and first love, Seongwoo wasn't able to have a normal relationship in the past three years. All he could do was steal some semblance of happiness by being with people that reminded him of Daniel in a way or two that wanted him the way Daniel didn't.

His life was complicated. He was an extremely fucked up person. He slept with younger guys while imagining it was someone else while having an ambiguous relationship with Daniel somewhere between friends, family, and lovers that wasn't ever going to go anywhere. It was a cycle he'd been in for years now and had failed to find a way out of.

Seongwoo stuffed his phone in his bag with a look of disgust, cursing Daniel colorfully under his breath.

"Hyung?" Ohje asked with a confounded look while Seongwoo dragged him by the arm in a rush out of the restaurant.

He hadn't even been able to return his credit card back to his wallet.

"There's no time to go to my place. Let's get a hotel."

The younger man lit up brighter than the moon and nearly as sparkling.

"You're that eager? Sweet~"

"The only part that's sweet about me is my hole," Seongwoo commented bitterly with a faint smile.

He was already regretting his decision, but he couldn’t help it. He desperately needed to get his mind off of Daniel and Ohje was the closest, safest option. Because he knew that crybaby could sure as hell blow his mind in bed, which was exactly what was the ultimate distraction.

"Hyung, is that good for you? Hyung. Is something wrong? You don’t seem into it…"

"Uh? Uh...it's good. Really good. Deeper. Ah~"

Seongwoo closed his eyes, trying to refocus. He pushed the negative feelings of frustration, jealousy, anxiousness, loneliness away and did what he usually did to elicit the sort of erotic moans that would get Ohje going. He imagined it was a different person thrusting behind him, since that was the quickest, surefire way to get himself properly excited. A slightly thicker dick, hotter, smoother hands, more muscular thighs, a deeper, huskier voice.

It wasn't hard because Ohje was 90% similar physically and that's what had drawn him to him. The current Ohje was fairly similar to Daniel at seventeen years old in personality and build similar to around when he was in his early twenties. It wasn't hard to tweak his brain with the help of his creativity and closed eyes.

"Ah, hyung, hyung, hyung~! I’m coming soon--" The younger cried desperately in a squeaky, choked tone, slapping their bodies together hard enough to leave bruises.

Seongwoo luckily didn't mind that he got rough in the middle of passion as long as he managed to get properly turned on beforehand. He chanted the name of the one doing serious damage to his innocent screaming prostate (while another sweeter, affectionate nickname bounced off his mind).

Seongwoo was smoking a cigarette outside his closed cafe which he only did when he was really stressed. Because smoking reminded him of his past and a certain someone that he was praying he could forget. He picked up the phone when it vibrated without looking at who it was, which was a careless move he'd made several times in his life. The clumsy fool that he was. It was ridiculous in his lifetime how he kept making the same mistakes and never seemed to learn from them.

"Hello," he said after puffing out a cloud of smoke.

"Hyung! You promised! Why did you leave again? Wasn't it good for you? The least you could do is stay one night after all I've been through and dumping me like this suddenly all on your own. You owe me that much."

Seongwoo smiled softly as he sensed the pout. "Sorry, Ohje. You already woke up?”

Well, he was but he also wasn’t. He knew that he’d done wrong but he also knew that he’d do the same thing if he went back in time. It was complicated. Ohje wouldn’t get it, but he at least deserved to hear those words in this sad situation. He didn’t want to leave with Ohje thinking he was a total asshole (but he was, everyone but his mother knew that).

"Stop saying things you don't mean. If you were sorry, you would have stopped doing this."

His smile faltered, sensing Ohje was truly upset and fed up. He hadn't yet whined about getting back together. He’d finally broken him down and got the kid to give up. Maybe he would grow up a bit from this. He didn’t know how to think of it though. He sort of liked Ohje just the way he was; that innocence and cluelessness was his special charm. Though it wasn’t something that was of much interest for him to stick around.

"I am sorry though. Thanks for last night. You deserve someone better. Don't take what I said before so harshly. It's just me being weird. You're not really lacking anything. I wish that you wouldn’t change."

"Obviously I was and I should. Since I couldn't get you to love anything but my dick."

"Hey now. I liked your smile too. And how you knit me things and showed me magic. That was cute. I recommend that card trick on your next boyfriend. Just be yourself. I’m sure it will work out with the next person, as long as you find someone normal your age."

"Keep the gifts I gave you. At least a part of me gets to be with you forever. As a memory. Take care, hyung. If you ever want to meet up again even if it's casual or social just call me. I won't block you. Because the crushed hope would hurt all the worse."

Seongwoo mouthed ‘aww’ and chuckled, feeling his face heat a degree. "You're a good guy, Ohje. You’re even pleasant after being dumped. I'll keep that in mind. You take care too. Be healthy and happy. Good luck with school."

Ohje gave him one last big smooch on the phone and said he would always care for him and remember him as the greatest summer fling he'd ever had. Seongwoo hung up, waving at his heated face. He chuckled and shook his head as some of the good memories of his relationship which just officially ended flashed through his mind. From the earlier times when things were dandy, exciting, and simple.

"Ohje was practically perfect. Why couldn't I recall the good things about him before I stupidly ended it? How did I get so fucked up that I can't date someone normal for even one full season..."

He grumbled, running a hand through his hair. He'd just stomped out his cigarette when a shiver-inducing voice floated his way. One that was all too familiar, that was often echoing in his head despite his frequent attempts to block it out. The voice that he hated to love and loved to hate.

"That's cus you lost your virginity to your brother I bet. Have you missed me? Hyung~?"

Seongwoo brushed off the large, smooth hand from his shoulder and turned around to go up the stairs to his studio. His house was part of a building with three floors, each part owned and used by him. The first was his mother’s café that he managed. The second floor was his studio where he worked on and stored his paintings. The upper floor was his cozy flat.

"I don't know you. Go away, stranger."

Daniel chuckled, following the brunette up the stairs with his hand possessively on his trenchcoated waist which also was meant to prevent him from falling. It was the red-head’s habit to walk behind him while carefully observing if the clumsy brunette had an accident, usually a hand casually touching or gripping him somewhere.

Seongwoo hated that being watched and those addicting hands on him that made him tingle and feel cared for. Daniel always touched him in this strange way that made him feel cherished yet strongly desired, as ambiguous as their relationship. Not only lovers but something else. Not exactly close like family but closer than normal friends. His mind was already chaotic enough without the sudden appearance of the person he both wanted to see the most and the least depending on the minute.

"It's so cute when you're cold to me. I missed you so much, hyung. It's been a long month."

"It's been two months," Seongwoo commented crisply, stopping at the top of his stairs.

Daniel stopped as well, pressed up against his back and slid his arms around his waist. Much too forwardly.

"Aw, you were counting. You did miss me. That’s great to hear."

His cockiness irritated the elder but not as much as his mistake and how Daniel saw right through his attitude because of it. His strong, solid arms snugly wrapped around him made him flushed from slightly bared forehead to booted toes, his heart betrayed him further by racing. His skin quivered. His eyes stung as they filled with tears.

Dammit, had he missed this selfish asshole. He’d been running through his mind at least five times a day lately.

"No such thought ever crossed my mind. I'm busy. I don't have time to mess around with you, Niel. Leave before you piss me off and get kicked."

"Ah, you're too busy for me? Or is this you being sulky because I didn't answer your messages? I wasn't ignoring you. I was doing it on purpose because I wanted to surprise you. I have to be careful because you catch on quick with that sharp, sexy brain of yours."

The tension in his body left as he sighed (and the redhead brushed his nose over his temple). Of course that was what it was. This idiot. He was still playful and too sweet for his own good. He’d over-reacted, thinking something else by Daniel’s silence. How immature of himself. When was he going to stop falling for his foolish pranks?

"You know I hate surprises. Stop leaving me on read like that. It creates misunderstandings that ruins the next time we converse. How many times do we have to have this argument?"

"Eh, I don't do it that much. I always have a reason."

"You always have an excuse," he accused as he turned around, laying his arms casually over the other’s shoulders, fighting to keep a straight, chic face. “A lame one that I barely can trust.”

Daniel's smile was beautiful and triumphant on his gorgeous face with his vibrant ginger hair shaggy, drooping into his hazy eyes (the most charming shape and very much like a puppy).

_Fuck he's too cute, handsome, and sexy. I can't stay angry at him, but I really should or this is going to go how it always does and he’s not going to learn._

"I swear it's the truth, hyung. If I could, I would talk to you every second of every day, I swear. I enjoy our bickering and random chats, especially the drunken nonsense and sexting."

Seongwoo flicked the back of his neck, flushing deeply. "That never happened. Forget about it."

"No way I can. I screenshotted the cutest and hottest ones and look at them whenever I miss you. Which is almost every day, you know.”

“Ha. Like I care enough to believe that.” Seongwoo smirked slightly.

“You're lonely as well. That's why you go out with a different dude every month and tell me all about it with photos, like you’re bragging about your new relationship, trying to make it seem perfect. You're trying to make me jealous and miss you and then I'll end up calling or messaging you more. It's been years of your bratty act, so just admit to it. Then, we can start dating officially."

Daniel leaned in close to rub the tips of their noses together, an affectionate smile spreading over his face. Seongwoo scowled, leaning back to avoid the danger zone. Who knew when the younger would spring a sudden kiss on him.

"Shut up. You’re speaking that nonsense again. You must be drunk. You know that I’m just an Instagram junkie. I’m hardly trying to make you jealous. What do I care if you see that I’m having fun, enjoying my youth?"

Hands slid into his coat, wrapping snugly around his back, a natural heater. He tilted his head like a curious puppy.

“I'm not drunk. Nor am I speaking nonsense. Your intentions are so obvious to me, like looking through crystal. Let's just quit going around in circles and date, hyung. I’ll treat you better than they will. I can give you a truly perfect relationship, not just a picture perfect one. They don’t love you like--”

Seongwoo cut him off with the iciest glare in existence, showing he was an inch from exploding.

“Stop messing around or I'll hit you, Daniel. I mean it. I'll change my number and lock code too, so you can't just come and go as you please anymore.”

"Alright, alright. I apologize. Seems you’re in an exceptionally foul mood. Let me in and let's have a chat. I won’t say anything you don’t want to hear, for now.”

Seongwoo bristiled, though it was hard to resist the calming circles drawn over his sweatered back. “No, you're not coming into my house.”

An obnoxious grin popped up. “Why? Is there a guy there? The one on your recent post or have you already switched? Even better. You know how I get a kick out of meeting these chumps who can't hold a candle to me. I get to play the super close, overly affectionate friend act and confuse them about what I am to you. Sounds entertaining.”

Seongwoo snapped, “There's no one there. I just broke up with someone. Don't act like you don't know that already. I'm sure you were eavesdropping.”

“Oh, was it that big guy? The athlete? He seemed like your type though, majorly. He lasted twice as long as the others. What happened?” the younger asked with mock concern.

Seongwoo rolled his eyes and pressed a finger to his forehead. He didn’t care enough to explain that Ohje had been into sports as a hobby only, knowing that Daniel would have of course stalked his Instagram to see what sort of guy he was seeing. What did it matter now he was never going to see him again?

“Don't pretend like you care. I can see you're happy about it. Smug at my failures again. Mistakenly thinking that means that I'm available for you and taking you up on your weird offers. But it's not like that. He was just too much of a crybaby for me to handle. Though he was almost perfect in every other way.”

“Ah, he did look like a sensitive baby. The sort of person you really don't know how to deal with. Being the half-robot who balks at emotional displays that you are. For the record, though, I'm serious every time but you're the one that thinks it's a joke.”

Seongwoo turned around, gesturing for Daniel to follow him back to the cafe. He wasn't going to get any work done with him chatting, constantly touching him for attention, looking over his shoulder asking about his next painting and the inspiration behind it. It was better he just considered his productive day ruined. He hadn't been able to do much because he'd been thinking of Ohje and this other overgrown child who vexed and boggled his mine anyway. He might as well have some decent conversation with the person who understood his hateful personality better than anyone.

He'd spike their coffee with some liquor to calm his nerves and improve his nasty mood. That usually made Daniel sleepier and more serious, which was easier to deal with than his jokester personality. He got the most frazzled when Daniel proposed to him. Sometimes he knew it wasn't a joke but he convinced himself that it was or that he'd change his mind after they became a couple. He couldn’t allow himself to think of it as a serious confession.

Because they simply couldn't be that way. Their painful, complicated past, their once married parents who were still business partners, their opposite personalities, their messed up dynamic where they went back and forth between arguing and ignoring each other to making wild love and doing couple things in secret. It was a dysfunctional relationship that didn't have much hope for a future. However, he couldn’t put an end to it completely.

As much as he hated to admit it, he didn't want to lose Daniel. He needed their connection, even just as friends. As much as the loneliness was alleviated when he dated someone, he felt deep down how much he missed Daniel and was lonely because he'd disappeared again with no promise to come back and without constantly contacting him either. The time he was the loneliest was right after the breakup. Because he realized how hopelessly messed-up he was.

Often Daniel showed up around then as well, giving him comfort, subtly reminding him of the relationship he was looking for. Showing him what he was missing and making him hate his misfortunate life.

If only he had met Daniel some other way. If only he was a less logical, cowardly person, then they could enjoy a short time of bliss. All he thought about when he was with Daniel was how wonderful and right things felt compared to how off it felt. When he was gone though, he thought about how wrong their connection was and how it was destined to crash and burn in hell.

Agreeing to date Daniel was everything his heart wanted, but his mind screamed at him, controlling him. If they had an actual relationship, it was highly probable that it would fail and he'd lose Daniel for good this time. He remembered how hard it was not to have him in his life at all in previous years and somehow keeping him around as a special friend didn't seem terrible. Except it prevented him from developing serious feelings.

Seongwoo was still a broken robot and the only glue that held him together was in the red-head’s hands unfortunately. He was starting to think that it was impossible he'd ever like anyone the way he liked Daniel. He watched Daniel observing his paintings in the cafe which he changed every month and also sold after completing them in his studio.

_How do you stop loving someone? Why do I tell myself I need to but that only lasts until I see him? _

His resolve crumbled more and more as he looked at that handsome face and charming, sweet smile. It was beautifully deceptive. Daniel was the devil and he wouldn't return his stolen heart after all these years. He just had to keep coming back, acting irresistibly, funny, kind, affectionate, and spilling fluffy nonsense the buried romanticist in him wanted to hear. Then, he was back to square one. Struggling with the feelings he had for his first love that was forbidden for him to have.

They were like fire and ice and their parents wouldn't approve of this if they knew.

_It won't work out, so it's better you don't start anything. No matter how charming and perfect, don't give in. This time things are going to go differently. It’s simple. Don’t let him into your house. Don’t kiss him._

Seongwoo repeated this mantra for the thousandth time this year but as usual it didn't feel like it was going to be affective once Daniel was close and physical, boring those warm yet intense eyes into his.

Maybe things would be different if Daniel had a relationship of his own but as far as he knew, that had never happened. A part of his dark, twisted soul was happy about that. He couldn't keep Daniel by his side the way the other claimed to want and seemed to be waiting for. But he didn't want him to go somewhere else. He, on the other hand, had a ton of other guys. So many short affairs and flings that he had lost count of and forgotten most of their names. But Daniel didn't ever have someone else, even casually as far as he knew, so he wasn't threatened. His position as a special person that he always came to when he was troubled or lonely or needed to blow off steam was unchanged.

"You're not interested in art and you're a terrible actor for trying to seem that way."

Daniel turned away from the wall with his hands in his pockets, flashing his signature youthful, arrogant but rather impossible to hate smile.

"You caught me. I don't really get the emotion or the story your telling by this. But it's beautiful and rather sad? I don't ever cry, you know, unless I'm in serious pain like when I sprained my wrist. But when I look at it, I can feel my eyes get dewy."

Seongwoo remained seated at the table they’d been sitting at. He observed the melancholy, darkly toned paintings, and nodded. "It's about loneliness."

The painting was designed from rainy photos he'd taken while walking around the neighborhood at night by himself to clear his thoughts. He'd just broken up with a guy who was very bitter which made him say harsh things. Apparently, he'd really liked Seongwoo enough to be strangely distraught about the breakup, though he had been a chill, mostly business before pleasure sort before.

Hwiyoung, his name was. A business man he'd met at a gay bar. Extremely tall, buff, handsome. He had a cheerful vibe and a similar mole to Daniel. He was always in suits which reminded him of how dashing Daniel was during one distant relatives’ wedding ceremony they attended when his mother forced them to get suits because they didn't have any since their middle school graduation ceremony.

Suited Hwiyoung wasn't nearly as dashing as Daniel had been, nor did he look as young, fresh, and cute in the face, but he enjoyed recalling the fond, pleasant memories and their fairly stimulating, philosophical conversation.

Seongwoo couldn’t recall the reason that he broke up with him. After a month, there was something that just felt off about the relationship, and so he acted on his instincts. He coolly broke up, as usual not showing much emotion or giving a long explanation. That man suddenly got furious enough that it was scary. He broke a bottle on the floor of the bar they were relaxing at that made a huge mess Seongwoo had to pay for later. He'd shouted insults at him that stung because he couldn't say a word in refute back.

That he was cold-hearted, unapathetic, selfish, and emotionless. That he was like a robot. That he never gave himself fully to anyone. That he sabotages a good thing that could have been something great by not giving anyone a chance. That he was destined to be alone and was punishing himself for something that went wrong in the past.

All he could think about was his first love and all his failed relationships after that. How he'd always ended them when it started seeming serious. How he always focused on the negative things about the person he was seeing then, no matter how insignificantly small, in order to convince himself that he needed to dump them. How he insisted he was sincere and tried his best but it just wasn’t working out, when in reality he didn't have the heart or energy to do half as much as you normally would to keep a relationship afloat.

How he thought he liked someone, but in reality, he was lying to himself because he wanted to like someone new, but he was always caught up on a person in the past. How he jumped on anyone that reminded him of his on and off again lover because he was lonely and wanted to make the other jealous, which would make him feel as if he were genuinely liked by him. How he should have confessed his feelings back then when he'd known for sure Daniel’s feelings had been sincere before they got into this messed up situation, where he couldn’t believe it.

Seongwoo was startled out of his blank staring at the photos by Daniel gently cupping his jaw, brushing the silky pad of his thumb across his moles. Daniel had come back to the table, sitting by his side instead of across from him this time.

"Hyung, if you're lonely just call me. I'll cheer you up."

"You're no good. You just joke around, talk about your parties, and show off your cats or the amazing food you’re eating and places you’ve been traveling. If you even answer your phone at all," he commented flatly, slipping away from his hand and hoping his flush and wavering feelings weren’t evident.

Daniel whined with a pout close to sprouting on his plump lips, "I won't~ I can be a good listener. Today let's just talk about you, hyung. I’m dying to hear all about how your life has been going, honest."

He didn't really want to talk about his miserable life, so he remained silent with a sour expression, scrunching up his button nose. It didn't discourage the man who got oddly stubborn when it came to his former brother.

Talking with Daniel over some hot drinks and sweet snacks always brought Seongwoo back to happier, simpler times. It felt like they were innocent, hopeful, carefree teenagers that hung out every day rather than messy, complicated, deceitful, careful adults that saw each other once or twice a month.

It took awhile to get him opened and comfortable but once he was, he was smiling, laughing, whining, and joking. The range of emotions he showed to this man and this man alone would have shocked the others he dated because they barely saw him more than two or three ways. They wouldn't have guessed he was capable of shouting or laughing so hard he shook the tables. Because usually he was stoic and collected, hardly smiling or chuckling.

Since Seongwoo first met him, Daniel had that weird ability to crack open his shell and make his emotions more intense to the point controlling was too tiresome.

They casually chatted about a wide range of topics from personal to work to memories, mostly pleasant and funny. They eventually swerved to serious topics about their current relationship status.

Seongwoo doubted that Daniel wasn't in a relationship still because of all the party photos on his Instagram. He was followed by thousands and had photos or been tagged with too many people to keep track of. Daniel was friends with a massive amount of both boys and girls alike. He was also casually intimate with many, such as draping his arms over their shoulders or waists. It was plausible that any of those people he could be seeing but simply choosing not to tell him about so that he could keep him to himself or make him feel like the only scumbag in the room.

Daniel teased him for being jealous a bunch before finally kissing the pout off his face and swearing he wasn't dating anyone, that he hadn't slept with those in the photos either. Seongwoo glared at him suspiciously for awhile, but the younger maintained his innocent expression. The artist decided to believe it this time because he felt better that way.

Though honestly, Daniel was such a catch and he had physical needs like any other adult male. Surely other young, attractive people were throwing themselves at him while he was inebriated. It would make sense that he gave in while he was drunk at least, from time to time. He couldn't possibly remember him and resist his urges and the temptations surrounding him all the time. If he did manage that, he was a saint and the only thing keeping Seongwoo from falling into his tempting arms was the thought that he was an untrustworthy devil.

Daniel was sweet but he had to be full of lies. No one was that perfect and romantic. He certainly was a long distance away from that. Since he last saw Daniel though, he made it feel like it was just a few days passed instead of months. In that time while feeling lonely, frustrated, and horny, he had had three flings and one serious relationship. If Daniel wasn't at least a bit of a whore like he was, then he'd feel like the shittiest person on the planet.

Once the distance he felt had grown between them was shortened and the bond of their genuine friendship strengthened, Seongwoo naturally opened up about his relationship with Ohje. Daniel never minded listening about his boyfriends, he even initiated it by asking questions. At first, Seongwoo would refuse to talk about it because it felt wrong, considering they had sort of been dating off and on unofficially throughout the years (usually those times when Daniel was in the country for an extended time and stayed at his house without asking first and so they were stuck together for an extended amount of time which made him do couple things he normally wouldn't do). Then, a nasty part of him wanted to make him jealous in person, which almost never seemed to work. While a larger part of him just needed to get things off his chest.

Daniel happened to be one of his best friends. He was one of the few people in the world he felt like telling things to. Usually, he just word-vomited to the dolls in his room, himself in the mirror, or wrote his jumbled, wicked, morbid thoughts in his journal sometimes as poetry he was embarrassed to show the majority of.

He had some other close friends from university but none that knew the details of their past and its effect on his deep emotional issues. They just thought Daniel was a normal ex that he was attracted to and hooked up with by mistake here and there and that he had commitment issues so that was why his relationships never worked out, usually from him sabotaging them though there were several decent guys who genuinely liked him.

"Hmm. He seemed like a nice kid. Too nice for you, I guess. He bit off more than he can chew with you. You should really start dating around your age, hyung. Those immature kiddos can't handle you. They'll just get hurt and suffer."

Seongwoo scowled, kicking him in the shin. Daniel flinched but laughed right after. He used to get angry at him, but since they were in a good mood and decently buzzed, he didn't mind the slight violence. Well, truthfully, he had to have been used to it. Seongwoo had done a lot worse when they were teenagers. He wasn't an extremely violent person but Daniel sort of brought the worst and best parts of him out and nothing in between, in play and otherwise. This time he was half serious.

"I give them lots of good memories too!" he commented defensively.

Daniel smirked while rubbing his knee, charismatic, light brown eyes turning the other’s insides like creamy butter.

"No matter how fantastic the sex that doesn't really make up for being an indifferent ice cube who sucks at romance, hyung."

"Hey now! I'm not a robot! I have feelings too. They're just not good at seeing beneath the surface. Just because I don't wear my emotions on my sleeve doesn't mean I'm hopeless or expressionless!"

"Woah, hyung. I stepped on a bomb there. Calm down. You look like you're about to cry."

Daniel slid over and wrapped his arm around his shoulders. Seongwoo sniffled and wiped at his dewy eyes, feeling better as he nestled into the familiar crook under his arm. He laid against his broad shoulders and Daniel soothingly pat his head. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and let out a pleasant hum.

Daniel chuckled as he watched him burrow into his coat. Seongwoo knew his expression would be smug and affectionate. He hated that he'd gotten worked up and then shown his greatest weakness.

He turned from a tiger to a house cat with one hug from Daniel. He was that warm and cozy. He stabilized his shaky moods and brought peace and calm to the tornado in his head when they were cuddling. Which was why once they started, it was near impossible to stop until they had to part. Then when he was out of sight, the chaos and especially the anxiousness and loneliness came back strongly, like a truck hitting his chest.

Daniel pulled his far arm around his waist. Seongwoo kept it there, gripping his shirt like a toddler scared to let his mother leave home. They were now full on embracing each other like a couple for anyone outside to see.

"Was it that guy that made you paint that photo? It was, wasn't it? He said some nasty things about you when you broke up with him, right?"

Seongwoo went to deny it but then sighed. What was the use? Daniel easily saw through his lies when hardly anyone else was able to. It was infuriating but also refreshing. With Daniel, he was forced to live mostly honestly, which was ironically the way that he preferred to live when he was younger before he fell in love with his brother. His soul was back to screaming at him to tell him his feelings. He stuffed them down, focusing on admitting his sad story.

After hearing it, Daniel snarled. "I knew it. So there WAS a jerk behind that sad painting. I should steal his contact info from you while you sleep and give him a whooping. He barely knows you. How dare he act like your psychiatrist."

Seongwoo turned to nuzzle his warm, solid chest, feeling relieved after spilling. "You're more of one than him, that's for sure. I don't know how you can see through things like that. How you can put together all the details. You barely graduated high school and you're certainly no genius. What's your secret?"

"Secret? Loving you and being observative, I guess? I just know you well is all. It's not like I can do this with any others. You're special, hyung. Anyway, don't listen to that guy but me instead. I know you the best, right? We've spent years together.

I know for sure that you're not a heartless emotionless robot. You feel things intensely compared to others that you don't know how to deal with it, so you lock your emotions behind a composed handsome, chic expression. You have a nearly perfect poker face. Though I can see the cracks and increase them. You are different when you're around someone you're comfortable with is all. Not everyone can see this sensitive guy’s emotions. Just those he trusts and considers special."

"Tch. Don't go getting full of yourself. Your head is big enough already."

“Which head are we talking about though?”

Seongwoo attempted to push his chest and sit up. Daniel pulled him back with an iron grip though he was ever so gentle with his fingers so that he didn't get hurt, a delicate mix of firm strength and gentleness that Seongwoo had no idea how he perfected. Maybe it was a unique characteristic dancers possessed. As an artist, he appreciated it. As a lover he was addicted to it. To the point-no one's touch was quite the same, never good enough for him. Once you had the best hands on you, it was difficult to be impressed by another lover.

Daniel pressed his lips sweetly to the flushed, disgruntled man’s temple. Seongwoo"s eyes widened, then drifted close. He melted inside and a shy, flattered smile came to his face he didn't permit and attempted to hide in the folds of fabric.

"I hate that attitude of yours. Plus, how you’re grabby and stubborn and impulsive."

"There's things I hate about you too, hyung. But I can't truly hate you. Because I like you too much. You're too cute right now. Just stay here. Cry or hit me or curse at me if you need to.

From today on, I order you to forget the nonsense that asshole said. It's simply not true, it’s bogus in fact.

These kids just don't know you because you can't open up to them. That's why I keep telling you. Just come to me. I'm the only one that can deal with your back and forth personality and mood swings and backward way of thinking. I'm the one who will make you happiest the longest. You need a man, not a boy."

"Whatever. You're hardly in the country and we fight every other day especially when we're apart. That doesn't sound like a promising happy ending to me."

He said that coolly but his heart and stomach were a mess from the swirls of butterflies. Those were exactly the sort of words that he'd been hoping for and Daniel sounded serious for once. He wanted to agree right away, but his rationality reigned him back. Even if it wasn't a joke, they couldn't possibly be together the way Daniel suggested. There were too many things that could go wrong. They weren't destined to be together like that so easily. It wouldn't work out and they wouldn't be able to even be friends after this time around.

"Hmm. How about I change my job to a stable one in Seoul? And move in with you? What do you think of that?"

Seongwoo looked up, terrified of the spark of hope that flared in him at that statement. Daniel was smiling softly down at him, his brown eyes so warm like melted chocolate and sunshine. Then he shook his head as if to fling the tempting thought out of his head and flicked Daniel on the forehead.

"I told you to stop speaking romantic nonsense you're not serious about, you bratty mutt. You're not going to give up your dream career just so I will be less lonely and bed you every day. We're young, free-spirited, and complicated. Things are fine the way they are. I'll let you off today cus we're between boyfriends and I was sad and jealous a bit earlier. But only up to here. I won't date you nor do I like you all that much. You're just a good company and a great fuck and you get me best, so you're comfortable. I order you not to go changing your job for some fleeting romance that won’t last. Don’t delude yourself."

Daniel chuckled as he pressed their foreheads together.

"Seeing how you spilled that many compliments at once, you must be either sick or tipsy," he teased with a sexy grin.

"That’s all you got from that? You really are delusional.” Seongwoo scoffed and then sighed. “I guess I did act nicer than usual. I can’t really blame it on being drunk either. Maybe I missed your obnoxious ass more than I thought."

Seongwoo threaded his hands through his hair, tilting his head and moving closer so their mouths were an inch apart.

"Hmm, now we're getting where I want. Ass talk and kisses…" Daniel hummed before moving inward the rest of the way.

Their lips pressed together light and innocent as if to say ‘hey there, nice to see you again, how have you been?’ Then, a few firmer, longer lasting presses later, the lips were parted and the playful tips of tongues came out to lazily lap, swirl, and explore. They got lost in the amazing sinful feeling of making out just like when they were teens. Except their passion was easier curbed and their moves more skillful and precise since they were experienced adults.

Daniel knew how to gracefully or passionately dance also with his tongue in the way it made the other melt against him with thick groans. Seongwoo knew how to get Daniel hard as an iron pole and growling just by teasingly nipping and tugging at his lips. Seongwoo was in his lap not much later, grinding their hard cocks together.

They moaned and panted between sensual slightly sloppier kisses. Daniel had his hands in his pants, grabbing the minus ass that he used to make fun of but became his favorite squishy toy over the years. He caressed and pulled him down harder against him, maintaining a slow but steady rocking motion.

"Can we?" He muttered while suckling down the elder’s long, creamy neck.

Seongwoo tugged his silky, ginger hair, high pitched voice gasping and moaning beautifully with each stroke of his tongue or scratch of his sharp teeth on his sensitive skin. 

"Ah~ In the cafe? Hmm, ha...Not now. It's not late enough someone could see. Ahh, hmm..."

Daniel pulled off his throat and pushed the man back to his knees far from the lump that he was thoroughly enjoying pressing up against. Seongwoo whined and pouted, looking adorably frustrated and displeased. He was such a beautiful mess inside and out that Daniel couldn't get over him.

The dancer was more helplessly in love with his hyung than when he had been a teenager. He'd given up ages ago on liking someone else. They couldn't compare to Seongwoo and even if he couldn't see him that often, even if he didn't have his full heart or trust in the way that he wanted, he wanted this more than anything else. The way Seongwoo made him feel was irreplaceable and he was worth the wait and difficulties.

Daniel knew that someday Seongwoo would ask to be officially his, as long as he was persistent and patient. Every time he had a boyfriend, the elder told him about it like he was trying to make him suffer a fit of jealousy. That was ridiculously cute. However, his own jealousy he kept buried inside because he wanted to fight as little as possible and he knew that he had nothing to be concerned about. There was proof that Seongwoo loved him, though he refused to admit to it and tried his best not to show it the first couple hours after they met up.

Seongwoo always came back to him as soon as he showed up in the neighborhood and his shallow, physical relationships never lasted. Seongwoo never opened up to anyone and showed the fluffy, insecure, scared, delicate center of himself but him. That's why Daniel didn't bother to have even casual relationships because he might lose his chance with Seongwoo then when he decided that he wanted to stop playing this cat-dog chase game. He was ready to be an officially taken, whipped puppy any day the kitten decided it was time.

"If you don't want all your customers to see the cafe owner getting ravished on the tables here, then I suggest we pause this until we can get upstairs."

"Damn. Table sex is so hot though. Especially public ones."

Daniel chuckled, looking over the flushed, swollen lipped brunette with adoration. He was even more gorgeous and irresistible with his sweater tugged down and his perfect hair out of place.

"You can take away the emo looks but you can never take the rebel out of this, hyung. I know it's just your horniness talking. You will regret it and slap me hard later for taking advantage of your weakness, so let's get going. Being outside should cool you off."

Seongwoo whined and pulled on his hand, even pressing it to his crotch and nibbling on his jaw in a tempting manner. The redhead flushed and rolled his eyes, swallowing back a groan.

"You are damn lucky I have amazing control of my urges now, hyung. But just barely. I haven't been with anyone since we last met, so I'm at risk of going Hulk mode on you any moment. Behave."

He warned the other while pushing him away more firmly. Seongwoo reluctantly walked towards the door, flashing a sultry siren look over his shoulder. Daniel glided up to him in no time on his longer legs and playfully smacked his pert, adorable tush.

"Stop being a temptress, you pretty devil," he growled near his ear before blowing on it.

As he expected, a shiver went through the brunette and he licked at his swollen lips, his eyes darkening from ash grey to sparkling twilight. Daniel hung back so he could admire the other’s ass though it wasn't as visible as he wished because of his sweater. He liked when Seongwoo wore baggy conservative clothes. It hid his flawless skin and mesmerizing, fit shape from others while he undressed him in his mind, stuffing his hands underneath. He liked the sensation of the other’s gorgeous body being a present only he could unwrap behind closed doors.

His hands were itching to touch him but he mentally slapped and scolded himself. Because Daniel jumped on him not long after they saw each other and nearly every day they met after their reunion, sometimes several times a day without even leaving the house if they could afford it, Seongwoo seemed to doubt his feelings and think all he ever wanted was the physical stuff. Just like before, he liked being intimate with Seongwoo because that was when they were the closest.

It was the only time that he felt like Seongwoo let his guard down and was fully honest with him or even himself. It felt like they were a couple in love enough that they'd sacrifice their lives and careers for each other and never would spend time with any other person. Like they existed in a separate, blissful universe with only the two of them, none of the usual problems, complications, responsibilities, or negativity present.

He of course was addicted to this feeling and that particular version of Seongwoo. He also loved that moment when they professed and claimed each other again even without words. That moment it felt like they were each other's and as a compatible, formidable pair, they could dominate and rule the world.

However, he needed to try and hold off his urges because these feelings were too complex for him to explain. He wasn't amazing with words or able to express himself with any art form other than dance. He was worse than Seongwoo as the time went on, though he attempted to be honest and romantic as much as he could. The timing or tone or wording was usually lacking though. Likely that's why Seongwoo still didn't believe he was being serious.

How can I confess in a way that he can't take as a joke or nonsense said in the spur of the moment, he wondered.

Daniel was so deep into his pondering that he hadn't noticed they had gone up the two flights of stairs to Seongwoo's small apartment. It was immaculate just like his fashion, natural make-up, and hair style. It was also simple, tasteful, and minimal. The walls and furniture were all in monochrome scale just like his wardrobe.

Colors gave the artist a headache. All except for on Daniel. He told him that colors matched his positive, cheerful personality and just looking at his colorful, smiling self made him happy. It took away the dreariness and heavy feeling that existed in his life and cleared up the fogginess from his mind he had admitted one drunken night a year ago when they'd just been chilling on his bed in this gloomy, boring room drinking handmade cocktails because Seongwoo liked his drinks strong but sweet and Daniel simply went along with that like he had when they were younger (anything as hyung wants it goes, that showed how whipped he was loud and clear).

That's why he hadn't changed his hair color yet though he was getting old and it was a pain to maintain. Seongwoo liked roses, red wine, and cherries. They were some of his favorite things. The hair color reminded him of that and he loved to touch it while Daniel laid in his lap.

Oddly most of the artist’s paintings were colorful unless he painted on a day when he was exceptionally depressed and troubled like the rainy, dark alley paintings in the cafe earlier. He figured that the artist got hope and attempted to better himself, brighten his personality, and battle his depression by painting the opposite of how he usually thought and felt. It was interesting how an emotionally complex, sometimes utter mess of a man could create such beautiful, soft, romantic, cheerful paintings.

Daniel had hope for his future though, especially when he saw those paintings. He told him that they came from deep somewhere inside of him, so he wasn’t as helplessly fucked up as he thought he was. He promised that he’d keep his hair color red and wear bright colors and always be cheerful and joking around with him so that his mood would improve. If there was anyway that he could make Seongwoo happier, he would do it without hesitation. Even jump off a bridge naked into the depths of arctic waters.

“Niel? What are you thinking about so deeply that you even have frown lines making you look like a freaking grandpa? So unlike you.”

Daniel blinked, eyes coming into focus on the figure in front of him. Seongwoo was standing close, pressing at the lines on his face, with a pretty, amused smile, his dark orbs soft and lukewarm, more like a dark grey like murky water then. He smiled brightly, his eyebrows returning to their usually graceful arch.

“Nothing much. What do you say we hang out like old times?”

“The usual? Sure, sounds good. I need some time to unwind. I’ve been stressed the fuck out since last week.”

“Still have to do public service?” Daniel guessed with a sympathetic smile.

“Yeah, unfortunately.”

Because of his depression and ongoing, necessary treatments, he’d gotten out of doing regular military duty like Daniel had done just after graduation. However, he had to do it for a full two years and the public service jobs were tedious and boring.

Seongwoo talked about it as they set up the table with more of his alcohol stash, a box of cigarettes, a boardgame and a deck of cards. Then they sat on some fold-up chairs both casually crossing their legs and drinking cocktails from plastic cups with sunflowers on them that Daniel had bought a couple years before for his birthday to add some brightness and cuteness to the place.

After sharing some of their military experiences, they got bored so they played a boardgame. As always, Seongwoo lost and had to drink shots of whisky which made him act like he was going to die and had Daniel on the floor, laughing his guts out. After Seongwoo angrily tossed the pieces of the boardgame under the bed, they played a game they used to play when they were teenagers that they never got sick of and was fair for both of them (Daniel won in games of strength and luck while Seongwoo tended to win in games that required strategy or problem solving).

Since Daniel spent most of his early childhood in Canada, although he was nearly fluent in both languages, his English was naturally better than his Korean. Seongwoo on the other hand had struggled in English, especially when he had lived in Canada surrounded by only native English speakers. They’d give each other spelling quizzes in the language they were less fluent in and take a flick to the forehead if they got it incorrect.

“Sacrilegious.”

“What the f--- Now you’re just making words up, Niel. What the hell does that even mean?”

“It’s like against your religion, something inappropriate to do. Something like that. It’s really a word. Look it up in the dictionary if you don’t believe me. Oh, wait, you can’t because you have no idea how to spell it.”

Seongwoo flushed with embarrassment at the younger’s snarky remark, spurting out, “I can try, can’t I? S-a-c-r-e—”

The redhead became excited at his mistake, clapping his hands and bouncing. “Deng! That’s wrong already and you didn’t even get to the hard part. That’s another hit for you. Show me that pretty forehead. Wah, it’s as pink as a grapefruit now.”

Seongwoo winced before his fingers landed with a loud thwak. He whined and held his head as his ears rang and the dizziness came.

“Uh, you jerk. You keep hitting way too hard. You said you’re going to go easy on me.”

Out of anger, he kicked the laughing redhead who was rubbing his arm as a way to make up for hurting him.

“I AM going easy on you,” Daniel insisted through dorky chuckles. “It’s just that you’re sensitive from all the hits you took.”

The bruised brunette glared and hissed out, “I’m going to give you something that you definitely can’t spell then. You asked for it, prick.”

To his irritation, Daniel barely flinched and even smiled at his hit, insisting he was weak. “Was that a fly that just bumped into me? I hardly felt it. Try this one, hyung. Onomatopoeia.”

Seongwoo tossed up his hands in frustration.

“Ugh! I’m sorry that I ever called you an idiot back in school. You win. Where the fuck are you coming up with these words? Let me see your head. Is there an Encyclopedia Brittanica stored in there?”

Daniel shied away from Seongwoo tugging and tickling his ear. “Ah, hyung. That tickles. Stop it~” he cackled, only getting Seongwoo to stop when he retaliated by poking under his armpits which were his strange, most ticklish spot.

“Ah!” he exclaimed, jumping several feet back like he was avoiding a stroke of lightning, tucking his elbows snug to his ribs in an unbreakable defense.

“Truce?”

“Truce. I feel like I need a smoke to forget this pain.”

“Can I join?”

“Didn’t you quit?”

“Yeah, but I can casually smoke with you here and there. For old time’s sake. It’s not like I’m going to get addicted from a social smoke every once in awhile. I’m not weak.”

“Tch. Says the kid still addicted to jellies and cola.” The elder snickered as he took out two cigarettes form the carton and pocketed a lighter.

“What?” Daniel asked with a raised eyebrow, nudging his foot playfully.

He figured accurately that Seongwoo was thinking something amusing about him that he’d rather not relive, one of his many stupid moments.

“Remember when you washed your face with cider because I told you that it was good for your skin? I can’t believe you actually fell for that.”

Daniel’s face flamed. “You can be very convincing, hyung. That’s why. Back then I didn’t know how to see through your lies.”

“So, now you are all the wiser and you know all my tells, huh?” the brunette challenged while walking to the veranda. “You’re positive that you’ll never be tricked by me again?”

Daniel smiled with confidence. “Yeah, basically. But don’t ask what they are because that’s my little secret. I’m taking it to my grave.”

“Hmm, shall I just push you from the veranda then?” he teased as they stepped out onto the small veranda so that the smoke wouldn’t permeate his house.

Daniel leaned against the railing, looking cool and fearless as ever as if he were in the midst of a catalogue shoot.

“That sort of death is boring. Why don’t you murder me in a more interesting fashion? Like spike my food with a ton of Viagra and then sex me until I have a heart attack? That sounds like an exciting way to go. It would make headlines too.”

Seongwoo snorted and rolled his eyes, then focused on lighting up the two cigarettes in his mouth. He passed one to Daniel and inhaled the other. Daniel purposefully held his hand so that he could kiss his finger before taking the butt in his mouth with that familiar wicked, erotic smirk of his.

After a long drag and slow exhale of twirling, light grey wisps, he commented, “Of course you’d want to die doing something nasty.”

“It’s not nasty with you though, hyung. With you, it’s like magnificent art. We dance, sing, and paint a gorgeous picture anyone would be awed by. If you don’t believe me, want to make a home video and send it to a channel? I bet we’d get famous and loaded.”

“Oh my god, don’t you dare! One time I caught an ex doing that, you know. I luckily smashed the video and got the video pulled before it went out to people. Think about if people who knew us saw that! About our parents! I would have to flee the country and create another identity.”

Seongwoo shivered, appearing horrified. Daniel slid over and wrapped his arm around him as if by instinct. Since he often used his body to warm up the other who was easily cold. It was one of hundred of smooth moves that he pulled as often and naturally as he breathing.

“Hmm, not a bad idea. If you go, let me join you.”

Seongsoo snorted, then coolly replied, “As if I would. You’ve annoyed me enough as the person I am now for a lifetime. I don’t wish the misery on the next me.”

Daniel chuckled, then nuzzled the back of his neck. “Are you sure that I’ve only ever annoyed and made you miserable? I recall lots of other pleasant memories. You laughing or moaning or snuggling up to me in your sleep. Whining that you didn’t want me to go or that you were cold so you wanted me to hug you tighter—”

“Do shush, puppy. I’m enjoying myself now. You’re spoiling the mood,” the brunette lightly snarled, bumping his head back against his mouth which filled with vanilla scented hair. “None of that ever happened. It’s in your imagination. Stop fantasizing about me being some sort of clingy sap.”

The younger buried his nose at the silky crown and sniffed deeply, deciding he’d let the elder stay in his denial bubble for now. “Hmm, I missed this scent. Even using a similar smelling perfume on my pillows isn’t the same. It’s exquisite. I could sniff you all day.”

After taking a drag, the artist chuckled. “You freaking wierdo. You claim to be a cat, but you have the sensitive nose of a hound and you’re always going around sniffing things. Just admit that you’re a puppy already.”

“Nope. I’m more like a cat. I’m lazy and I like pets.”

“Right,” he commented with disbelief and rolled his eyes again.

Daniel tossed away his cigarette when it was halfway done and Seongwoo scolded him for wasting his money and littering.

“You’re the one wasting your money, hyung. You shouldn’t be smoking when you’re stressed in the first place. Nor should you be bringing strange men home that could rob you or turn out to be psychopaths who want to cut your throat in your sleep and rape your dead body.”

“Oh, ew. That’s so morbid. What do you have to be such a downer for? That’s so ridiculously unlikely.”

Daniel squeezed his stomach tight, laying on his shoulder. “But it’s not impossible and you need to be careful about that. You at least wore a condom, right? Who knows where those people have been. You can’t trust what they say, especially if you met them at a shady place like a bar or a club. You could get diseases.”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I always use a condom if I can’t trust where the person has been. You’re included in that, you party mongrel.”

His voice was cold and irritated but the hand that reached back to rub Daniel’s nape and pat the back of his hair was reassuring and sweet. Daniel was relieved that he could at least believe him, though the idea of his crush fucking others in this room suddenly made him pout.

“How many?”

“Hmm?” Seongwoo took another long drag, appearing indifferent.

Daniel encouraged himself to be patient and not sound so accusatory or upset before repeating, “How many men did you bring home to fool around with you?”

The other went silent, finishing his cigarette and disposing it in the ashtray before answering. It made Daniel so antsy that he wanted to shake him. Instead, his fingers pressed harder into his stomach.

“Not that many. I prefer to do my business at hotels. Only the more serious ones came over and that was at their insistence. I don’t really like people seeing and touching my things. It reveals too much about me and it makes them feel they have some sort of permanent hold on me. They start leaving things, wanting to stay over. I don’t like that kind of thing. We have our fun, we do the deed minus any feelings, and then we go our separate ways. It’s business, just the entertaining sort.”

“That’s…cold. But I’m glad to hear that. I’m the only one that’s allowed to stay over.” He smiled slightly, pressing his nose to the back of his neck again, his favorite place.

“If you wish.” Seongwoo shrugged, then his tone turned bitter. “Not that you take me up on that often. Do you have to go early tomorrow?”

Daniel avoided the topic, not wanting to make any promises that he couldn’t keep but also not wanting to spoil his mood. As he recalled it, he did have something to do in the early morning but Seongwoo grew prickly if he knew that he would be leaving the next morning in advance. He’d finally got his mood improved. If he wasn’t careful, he wouldn’t even be allowed to even hug him without a fight.

Daniel kissed the younger’s neck along his well groomed hairline, suggesting in a deep, husky murmur, “Let’s go back in. It’s chilly. You’ll catch a cold and I think you’ve poisoned your lungs enough.”

“Daniel, wait, maybe we shouldn’t…” Seongwoo murmured, pulling his mouth away from being ravished.

They were back in the room, where Daniel had pulled Seongwoo towards the bed and attacked his lips. Daniel merely pushed him to the bed and started to suck and teeth along the underside of his jaw. Seongwoo’s protests drifted off into moans, his head falling back to expose more of his sensitive throat. Daniel’s hands wandered under his sweater, bunching it up in his hurry to explore his chest.

His hands were exceptionally soft, large, and burning hot, making Seongwoo shiver and press up against them for more. His head clouded over with desire and pleasure, his every nerve screaming in bliss ‘finally, this is what we wanted all along, oh how we missed this wonderful man, more, hurry and give me so much more~’

“Niel…hold on. We haven’t seen each other in so long. Isn’t this…a bit fast…”

A rational part of him took control of his inner demons to choke out amongst his sinful, embarrassing moans as Daniel wreaked havoc on his skin. Daniel pulled off, raising a hand from his shirt to stroke his cheek.

“Is that what you want? Maybe we are moving too fast. You just broke up with someone and you’ve had a busy week. You must be tired. It’s not right to just jump into bed with someone else either. Come to think of it, I’m not really in the mood. I’m still jet-lagged…”

He sighed, lifting up his body to pull away. When he saw that Daniel was actually going to take him up, Seongwoo suddenly felt like a kitten with their cat nip mouse taken away. He absolutely hated the idea and he was desperate to capture it for more play time. The sex fiend inside of him stamped down his rationality to crumbles as he grabbed Daniel’s neck and pulled him down, wrapping his long legs around his hips so he couldn’t consider moving away.

Their wet, swollen mouths crashed together violently, followed by searching, steamy tongues and husky, excited groans. Once Daniel had his invitation and knew that Seongwoo was done warming up and fighting against his resolve, he turned serious. Once they were intimate, Daniel was usually intense yet caring while Seongwoo tended to be clingy, sensual, and whiney.

“Ah, Niel, clothes…take them off...it’s too hot and I want to feel your skin…” he pleaded with a cute whiney tone.

“Alright, baby. Just wait a second. It’s cute when you’re impatient and needy though.”

He chuckled, kissing his temple, then his pout, and then his sharp jawline, down his marked throat, all the while working on his pants. Seongwoo was too impatient to be naked, so while he was working on his bottoms, Seongwoo was tugging off his shirt. Then they were kissing fiercely because Seongwoo was greedy to taste his mouth as they worked on stripping him as quickly as possible. His clothes were probably ruined from how Seongwoo scratched and tugged them when they wouldn’t immediately give way.

The redhead’s amused laughter faded into husky groans as Seongwoo greedily scratched his toned chest and sucked harshly on his lower lip while rubbing their clothed erections together. He pinned the other and freed his mouth, giving Seongwoo a look that made him freeze. He was gorgeous, flushed, seductive and flawless underneath him.

“Take it easy, hyung. What are you in such a hurry for? Let’s enjoy this since it’s been ages. At this rate you’re going to hurt us both.”

Seongwoo seemed as if he were far too gone to form words and not willing to listen. His tongue licked his puffy lips while his eyes were as wild as his tussled hair. Daniel held his wrists to the bed firmly while slowly rocking into him, lowering down his lips. This time he took full control of the kiss, making it sensual, slow, and intense. Seongwoo clearly wanted more but he went along with what Daniel wished, taking all he could get eagerly.

After he was satisfied that his lover had become breathless, properly flushed and swollen, he started kissing down his pale, mostly flat chest, his hot hands sliding at a snail’s pace with minimal pressure. Seongwoo shivered, biting down on his lip so as not to release a series of embarrassing sounds. He was impatient for the younger to go lower and hurry up but he knew that if he voiced that, Daniel would purposefully go slower with that punchable, wicked smirk he got. It nearly killed him but he waited through the delicious torture.

The redhead pulled off his pointy bud and licked his smirking lips as if drinking in his flavor while unbuttoning his pants. “You surprisingly are holding it in and listening well. I’ll give you a reward then, since you deserve it, my good kitty.”

Seongwoo smiled in relief, greatly squeezing his arm, letting his eyes do the talking. Daniel stared at him intensely for a moment as his hands undressed his lower half and tossed off the fabric. It didn’t take him long to read what his lover desired there. They hardly needed words when they were being intimate, those were usually used more for show, to get the other excited later on. Then, his head sank down, tickling his stomach with fiery strands. Seongwoo grabbed and hissed, arching his back, quivering thighs spreading across the grey sheets. Daniel sucked to his hips and then lapped leisurely up to the tip, repeating until the brunette was about to lose his mind.

“It’s been too long. That’s enough. I can’t wait.” Seongwoo tugged on the other’s thick biceps, attempting to pull him up.

Daniel slid up to hang over him, eyes full of fierce need and dark brown. “Me neither. I guess we just skip to the main act today.”

“Thank god we’re on the same page about this at least,” the brunette murmured before capturing his lips, both of their hands bumping as they hurried to release just his bulging member from his fly.

The younger nearly collapsed as the elder’s cool hand gripped and pumped firmly, groaning into his mouth like he was on the verge of dying. He was already leaking warm beads, which Seongwoo spread with his thumb, making it easier for his hand to slide. Daniel hissed and then bit down on his lip, tensing. It was a warning that he’d better stop before their fun abruptly ended. Seongwoo slowed and loosened his grip but he enjoyed the silky sensation too much to stop.

He lightly teased, “Seems it really has been awhile for you.”

“Told you so.” Daniel released his lip and kissed the place he’d bitten apologetically. “I always wait for you. Because you’re the best.”

Seongwoo played with his tongue in mid-air a bit before answering. “Or is it because you couldn’t ask anyone else to play incest with you?”

Daniel growled and slapped his leg before flipping him to his front. Seongwoo gasped, gripping the pillow and arching his back naturally. Daniel tugged his hips until his bottom was raised high in the air. He loved this position and just getting into the motion made him turned on.

“That’s not the only reason I was and am attracted to you. It’s not about things being hot because the forbidden feeling, hyung. It’s because I care about you. So that’s why sex feels better.”

Seongwoo peeked over his shoulder at the man stroking his back and grinned. “Not because I’m tight?”

“Okay, well I can’t deny that truth. That’s also a reason you’re irresistible and forgettable. Let’s see, did that athlete manage to loosen you up since I last had you? I’m curious.”

Seongwoo hid his pink face in the pillow. Daniel chuckled, fingers gently examining his behind. A minute later of nothing happening down there, Seongwoo was beyond impatient and humiliated.

“I know it’s pretty, but would you stop staring and DO something already!”

“Hmm, like this?” Then he dived his head in with his long tongue stretched out, making contact with his center. He started to wiggle it mercilessly.

Seongwoo nearly buckled to the bed, a spark of pleasure shooting through his veins, He strangled the pillow, his mouth parting, his eyes seeing stars. It was ridiculous how good Daniel was with his tongue, especially in that area.

“Ahhhnnn, yes like that…Niel, yes, just what I want, hmm…”

The sex was as breath-takingly amazing as it always has been. Because it had that tinge of forbidden feeling left. Although they weren’t technically related, part of them still felt like they were family when they were together in Seongwoo’s room because of all the months they spent together as secret lovers while being step-brothers. That forbidden tinge to their relationship made the intimacy all the more thrilling which was something that was missing with others.

Plus, the way that Daniel touched and looked at him was different. It was so emotional and suffocating and sweet. As if he were his entire word in that moment. As if he were his servant existing only to please him to his fullest. Whatever Seongwoo wanted, Daniel sensed before he could even mouth it and expertly delivered several times over what would have been satisfactory. The way that Daniel could read him, how he knew all of his sensitive spots and what he liked by heart, how he caressed him with a mixture of the utmost care and fiery firmness—he was the most wonderful, addicting lover.

No one could get him to heaven the way that Daniel did. It was perfect, except for that Daniel said words that made him fall apart and become embarrassed. He wanted to hear them but at the same time it was hard to.

“I love you. Seongwoo hyung, I love you,” the redhead cried as he pounded into him from above with his body held easily up off the bed.

“Shut up. Stop saying that. You know how it gets me. Don’t,” the lithe brunette gasped, covering his face because he didn’t want Daniel to see his expression when he heard that plus he was near his climax.

“I love you…”

“You’re ruining the moment, you dick.”

Daniel murmured sweet nothings into his neck as he continued to wildly thrust, chasing his climax and brutally sabotaging his prostate. Finally, he wasn’t saying those words. Seongwoo wrapped his arms and legs around the other’s sweaty, toned body, rocking up to meet his erratic thrusts, taking his pulsing member deep and clenching his body to maximize the pleasure for him.

Then there was nothing but the sounds of their laborious pants and erotic, desperate moans, the slapping of wet skin, and the creaking of the shaking bed. They squeezed tight and kissed whatever patches of skin they found in gratefulness as their climax hit hard, almost simultaneously. Daniel always made sure that he held off so they could come together because he knew that Seongwoo liked that the best. It was wonderful how he never forgot those sort of tiny details.

“That was…fantastic…how you’re always tight and sensitive is a wonder…” Daniel huffed, nuzzling and kissing his neck affectionately while rubbing his quivering thighs.

“I’m…exhausted…we should shower…and then just sleep…” Seongwoo huffed, plopping back on the tangled, damp sheets, feeling as if he’d been running ten miles and lost all his strength and sweat buckets.

He felt gross because of all the fluids on him and the smells clouding them from semen and saliva and who knew what else. His sheets were in desperate need of changing already.

Daniel whined, refusing to budge though he knew Seongwoo disliked cuddling after sex and found him extremely heavy and hot.

“No round two?”

“I don’t even know if I can go for half a round. Can you?”

“Yeah, I could.”

“I guess the old age has hit me earlier than you.”

They weakly laughed, their breathing still uneven. Their hearts were pounding in their chests.

“I’ll let you off with one round this time, old man. Since that was fabulous and I emptied a gallon. I think my strength is pretty much sucked out now. You succubus. Let’s go shower. I’ll wash you.”

Seongwoo’s face scrunched and he whined as Daniel pulled him to sit up. “Do you have to do that? You know—”

“How it makes you feel like a child and how you hate having your body examined up close in the lighting? Yes, I know. You whine about it every time I’m over. And I still insist on it. Because for one, you’re gorgeous even if I took a microscope to your harry legs. For two, you’re the person I care for most in the world and you deserve some pampering. I’m sure the babies you date don’t even think about it. Let’s go princess. Up and at em.”

“Must you talk like that? I thought we established I’m an old man. Or kitty. An old kitty. How many nicknames are you planning to keep from our teenage days?” Seongwoo griped with a wrinkled nose as Daniel pulled him onto his back as if he weighed no more than a bag of hay.

“You know me. I never let go of something. I’m stubborn like that.”

“Stubborn ass.”

“At least I have an ass.”

“I do too—”

Daniel silenced him with a playful peck over his lips, then kissed the disgruntled wrinkles away between his eyes. “Nope, you don’t. Never have and never will. No matter how many hundreds of squats you do a day. Just face the facts. I like you despite your minus ass, so no worries. I prefer your pretty legs.”

Seongwoo flushed, bare toes curling at the compliment. He acted like he hated it and didn’t believe it but actually he loved hearing compliments from Daniel, enough that he sometimes fished for them. He always felt better about himself, looks or personality wise, whenever he was around Daniel. Maybe that’s why he found being with him so dangerously addictive.

_I’m such a hopeless hypocrite. Why does he get to me like that? Why do I always have to play games instead of being honest and expressive like he is? I can’t even tell him in the throws of our passionate love making that I like him like I once did. Even if I wanted to, it would be difficult to do, like solving calculus. Yet those confessions seem to come much easier to him. I’m so ridiculous._

“It’s a wonder how you put up with me. Why do you?” he muttered.

Daniel set him down in the shower, holding his waist in case he happened to slip. He hummed thoughtfully.

“I wonder. Why do I put up with your difficult self? Because your little hole is fantastic? Or you give blow jobs like a professional hooker but it’s free? Because your smooth, airy voice sounds amazing moaning my name?”

“Yah, you pervert! Answer me seriously!” Seongwoo slapped his chest hard, glaring at him. Daniel laughed and ruffled his hair, so that it became a total mess like modern art.

“Just kidding. I don’t think I need any particular reason. I don’t put up with you per se, hyung. I enjoy your company. You’re intriguing and entertaining. As complex and hypocritical as you are.”

Seongwoo’s eyes widened, wondering if Daniel was truly able to read minds. Then, he turned away, reaching for the faucet.

_Don’t think nonsense. He doesn’t mean that anyway. It’s just him messing around. He’s only it in for the regular sex. He says these things because he knows you want to hear it, because it gets you riled up which is beneficial for him. You’re a friend that he’s amused by and is a good booty call. That’s all you’ve been for years. _

_The Daniel that used to love and cherish you and want to be serious about you is long gone. Thanks to you crushing his heart, leaving him when he asked you to stay and saying that you didn’t like him seriously. You’re to blame for the way he is and the way your relationship is now. It’s your fault you can’t believe him or be something more as well. Fix yourself and then maybe you can fix this never-ending problem. _

The only thing that Seongwoo truly disliked about Daniel was the fact that he came into his life as rapidly as he left, making disasters both times. Whenever he met Daniel and let him into his house, the countdown began, though he couldn’t tell if it was a day or two days or a week. In the end, Daniel would leave and then who knew the next time when he’d hear from him. He messaged and called him just as erratically as he showed up at his café.

It was like the storms during the rainy season. When it suddenly rained, it poured, but just when you were getting used to the weather, it was gone. He was sweet and passionate and they had a wonderful time together once he let his guard down, but then in flash he was out doing who knew what, leaving Seongwoo to pick up the pieces of his shattered walls, deal with the gaping, chilly hole of his absence that felt much larger than usual, and regret his decisions while secretly pining, wishing he was brave enough to call him to ask him things.

_When are you coming back? Will you miss me? Would you call me every day if I wanted that? Will you message me often? Where and why are you going? Who are you meeting? Is there someone else? Do you love me? What am I to you? Can’t you just live here with me?_

The brunette was deliciously sated and half-asleep when he felt Daniel leave his bed. He stirred, glancing at the clock through his grogginess. It was six in the morning and the light had started to peek in under the black shades covering his window. Daniel sat on the edge of the bed, stroking his messy hair gently.

“Did I wake you? Sleep some more, hyung. It’s early. I’ve got to go somewhere. I’ll be in Korea for awhile though, so I’ll see you again soon. I had a wonderful time. I always sleep better when I’m able to cuddle with you. You really bring me peace. I wish I could stay and watch you sleep because you’re so precious and innocent seeming then, but next time.”

“You’re going? Have a good day. Don’t skip meals…” Seongwoo muttered sleepily then yawned.

Later he’d be sad at their casual goodbye without any promises to meet but never saying they wouldn’t, but at the moment he was too blissful and out of it.

“Thanks for caring for me, mom,” Daniel teased, leaning in to kiss his forehead. “You too. You’re too skinny. Stop with the dieting already. Just eat whatever you want. Sleep in too. You’re starting to look like a panda. Sleep is much better for fatigue than coffee.”

“I can’t sleep in. I should open the café at nine,” he grumbled, then turned the other way, wrapping the blankets up to his ears to sleep some more. “I’m not going to see you out. My body hurts and I’m still sleepy. That’s all your fault for keeping me up late and deciding to leave at an awful hour. You know where the door is.”

“You didn’t need to, though I will miss that sweet goodbye kiss.”

Seongwoo turned his head and sent him an air kiss, then laid back on the pillow with a cheeky grin. Daniel rubbed his shoulder through the blanket, softly chuckling.

“Better than nothing, I guess. You’re the cutest in the morning. Like a baby. Makes me not want to leave here.”

“I’m not your baby though, so stop thinking that. Don’t come over unannounced in the future, Daniel. I might have someone over and that would be awkward.”

“Hmm? Is that so? After I gave you that advice even? Such a rebellious kitten. That guy that you were with a couple months. Was he serious? How often did he stay here?” Daniel asked thoughtfully.

Seongwoo lied with an arrogant tone, “Yeah, we were pretty serious. He stayed here all the time. You’re lucky he was a crybaby or we’d have been married by now. Then you’d lose your regular fuck in this country.”

Daniel snorted. “You’re lying to make me jealous, huh? I see right through you. And it doesn’t work, sorry to say, hyung. Because I know no matter who you date, I won’t be bothered. I don’t care if you fool around with a hundred guys a month. Because I know that you will get bored and come back to me. I know that I’m the only one who gets a free ticket to stay at your place and leave my things here. Because I’m special. Because you’re my hyung. You’re mine. Someday you’ll admit it and know that my feelings have always been real for you.”

He whispered the last part, leaving a kiss over his hot ear. Seongwoo was flustered and refused to acknowledge him after that, hiding his smile below the edge of the blanket. Daniel kissed and watched him feigning sleep for several more moments before he left, stealing one of his black caps. Actually, the cap had belonged to Daniel. Since he was in and out of his house, borrowing and leaving his clothes in the process, eventually their clothes got mixed up.

It didn’t take long for the loneliness to slip over Seongwoo in the absence of his lover. With complicated thoughts coming to plague at his sleepy brain, he pulled the blanket over his chilly body tighter and buried his face in one of his seal dolls.

“I miss him already. Why does he always have to go and leave me alone. I really hate being alone,” he murmured, choking up. “Fuck, I hate that I love you…especially how unbearably much…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Thursday but tomorrow I'm flying to Busan after work so I decided to update earlier. This is the most important chapter possibly of this story. It's like the highlight because it has a mix of tones and emotions, reveals various important things about these characters, it's the start of the current time (no more flashes) and it's the hottest part (possibly). I hope that you can see what I liked about their relationship in the webtoon that I attempted to recreate here. That idea that even though they're dysfunctional they truly care about each other and they keep coming back because no-one attracts them or understands them better. It just somehow works for them and they can't forget or give up on each other. I know it's a far-fetched idea but I like to explore it in my stories. Things don't work out with others because they're meant for each other no matter how much time passes and they try to fight that or put distance between or meet others (in Ong's case). I love these babies together, I think their relationship is really unique and precious. They have so much history and their bond is so tight. How can anyone come between them.
> 
> From here on, the story will vastly differ from the webtoon. Just my creative alternative to how the webtoon went from the middle on, especially with relation to the photographer character. He's coming, just wait and see. I'm curious who you think that will be. Comment juseyo~ Have a great weekend! 
> 
> And the first cameo was Ohje! Cus he really reminds me of Niel, and I totally ship OngBin! 
> 
> <3 Raina


	5. Someday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someday, he will know how I feel is real and give in.
> 
> Someday, he will give up on me and find someone better.
> 
> Right?
> 
> Life is full of somedays, maybes, what ifs, and deceiving ourselves by hoping.

Seongwoo usually noticed when guys in the café stared at him, but it hardly phased him. He was used to it. Even felt flattered. It reminded him that though his body was getting older, looser, and more tired, that he was still kicking ass in the looks department. Guys wouldn’t stick around for his personality (and he couldn’t defend himself as he also sometimes hated himself; so much so that he sometimes wanted to detach his soul from his body and start again with a different one) but they would put up with it because of his face.

At least he had that much going for him. Because if he desperately needed men to fool around with. A new relationship--as long as it remained casual--allowed him to escape, took his mind off of things he was exhausted of running through constantly, and it had the added bonus of possibly making Daniel jealous, forcing him to show that he appreciated his worth. He often had times where he rebelled, usually right after Daniel came to visit him, saying ridiculous things he wished he could believe but would be foolish to.

The artist would basically go off the grid, giving Daniel a taste of his own medicine. He’d ignore him, claim that he’s busy, and hang up after talking for a short minute. He’d go out with other guys and brag about them, trying to get some sort of reaction out of the other. It wasn’t much but there were sometimes when the dancer showed a slight hint of jealousy and possessiveness, at least he acted like he worried for him.

Seongwoo liked that, as sinful as it was to want. He knew he was hypocritical and somewhat of a cruel, promiscuous person. But what could he do? Before he knew it, he’d become corrupted and this had become his pattern.

His way of dealing with his tangled feelings after Daniel disappeared was desperate. He’d throw himself into a new guy, thinking that it might just work out this time. At least it would distract him and give him something to do besides checking his phone. He’d enjoy getting a bit of revenge while bothering and hurting Daniel. Then, somewhere it would go wrong and Daniel would swoop in like a hero to pick up the pieces. They’d get caught up in their attraction and do unforgivable things which brought those hidden feelings to the surface.

The process started from there all over again. Seongwoo was now at the start of his rebel phase. He’d realized it as soon as Daniel called him that morning. He’d merely been asking if he’d slept well and when was he free this week to meet up. Seongwoo had responded that he was busy with this and that, making up whatever excuses that came to his foggy brain at the moment, now not even recalling what he’d said which wasn’t good because he’d get caught in a trap later and called out for lying and attempting to avoid him. Though Daniel hadn’t done anything wrong yet. He was pushing him away prematurely, figuring that he was going to disappear soon. Then, he’d hung up on him without a proper goodbye.

That didn’t phase Daniel, as usual. He’d responded by text right away, saying sugary sweet, heart-fluttering words that rang through his head as the café owner, occasional barista wiped the counter.

_Don’t stay out all night. Don’t drink too much, if you drink a lot make sure you take a taxi instead of a subway. Don’t walk alone at night ever, Korea isn’t as safe as you think it is. It’s getting cold and you get sick easily, so make sure you wear a scarf, even if you’re wearing a turtleneck. Drink lots of warm water, not just sweet coffee, it’s not good for you. Turn on the humidifier, the weather is dry and your sweet voice will turn into a smoker’s. Please eat properly, at least two full meals a day, you’re always too skinny, stop trying to be a model, you look better with some extra fluff. _

These were reminders that were frequently repeated, some different depending on the seasons. Daniel still knew him infuriatingly well. It showed through the way he messaged, the things he ordered of him. He knew that he was going to ignore him if he made a request, so he made it a bit stronger by writing it as a gentle order with a bunch of serious or angry looking cats.

It also was a huge indicator that Daniel was possibly the catch of the millennium. He had the potential to be the best boyfriend in the universe. If only he was consistent and not disappearing off the grid and always moving around the world on a whim. If only Daniel was more stable, settled, and good at keeping in touch regularly. If only they’d never been related; if their parents didn’t have a long history together, staying in contact even now.

The brunette sighed, exhausted from how complicated his life is.

“Why the gloomy face? You look much better when you smile. Smile, hmm? Ah, maybe I can tell you a joke.”

Seongwoo looked up to see a tall man smirking at him. He was handsome in a sleezy, mysterious sort of way. He appeared young, though the suit and watch he was wearing suggested that he was an adult, possibly in his late twenties. He quickly fixed his face into a brilliant, welcoming smile.

This guy he recognized. He was a regular. He always sat in the darkest corner with his laptop and hot black coffee. He was one of those people that often stared at him while he worked, a confident, amused smirk on his face. He hadn’t realized that he was handsome or that tall, however. Being rich and with a stable job was a definite turn on, as well as that rather sexy, flirty smirk he was wearing. It meant that he had more time to meet and spoiled him with treats, took him to fancy places, etc.

“Sorry I was spacing out while thinking of something sad on the news. I could use a joke. But first, how may I help you? Would you like to order something? A snack perhaps?”

“I don’t need anything but for you to smile. How much will that cost?”

Seongwoo smiled slightly without intention at the line, then pretended to think seriously on it while tapping on his chin. “Hmm. It’s not on our menu and I’m pretty sure if it was, it would be pricy.”

The man told him a few lame jokes that he hadn’t heard since he was an elementary school student. He attempted to resist but it was so ridiculous and unexpected that he snorted and giggled.

“Ha! I got you to laugh and smile! Nice. Now you owe me.”

He hid his smile behind the buzzer, feeling sheepish. “And how can I repay you, sir?”

“How about a date? I want to take you out. To be honest, I’ve been coming here because I’m interested in you, but I was pretty sure you had a boyfriend. Since you’re a catch and popular. But I decided to stop being a coward and take my chances. If you’re taken, I’m sorry and that man is one super lucky dude.”

“Lucky?” Seongwoo couldn’t help but scoff and roll his eyes. “You hardly know me, but you think that the miserable saps that go on a date with me are actually lucky? If you’re not careful, you’re going to regret it. Don’t forget that roses have nasty thorns.”

“I’ll put on my gloves and take my chances.”

He passed his empty coffee cup across the counter. Seongwoo took it, raising his eyebrow curiously at the numbers and name written there. Oh, this man was bold, which was rather refreshing. Since most of the people that were his ‘type’ happened to be younger, they didn’t usually have flirting skills. Those sort of pros he usually found in a classy bar.

“That’s my information. If you want to go out with me sometime, just contact me there. The sooner the better. I’ll keep my night schedules cleared. I finish work usually at six thirty. Of course, that depends on if you’ve found my company entertaining.”

It seemed this guy couldn’t take much of a hint and that he was fearless. Seongwoo felt drawn to that personality. He wasn’t similar to Daniel in the least physically wise, but that obnoxious personality, the over-confidence, the boldness, the flirty tone, the attractive smirk, how he knew how to charm—that somehow reminded him of Daniel. Enough that he felt attracted, though he wouldn’t have thought this guy was his usual type (for one, he didn’t have much muscle and for two, he was likely older).

Maybe it was good that he tried something different for a change. It didn’t hurt to at least go on one innocent date. He needed to have fun and he was ready for a casual rebound. He could just flirt and have something physical. That’s what he wanted in the first place. Things with other guys just got tangled up, maybe because they were younger and purer. Maybe an experienced, mature player sort of type was what he needed.

“The show was worth seeing once more I suppose. You’re decently entertaining. At least you got a chuckle out of me, which isn’t an easy feat. I’ll meet you tonight. At the Italian restaurant down the street by the market. But let’s keep this casual, Sanghoon-ssi. I don’t do relationships. I’m just getting out of some complicated stuff with others, so I’m more looking for something fun as a distraction. If you catch feelings for me, you’ll only get hurt. So, I strongly, and I repeat _strongly_, advise against it.”

The suited man snickered. “Ah,_ strongly_. I like how straightforward you are. How you know what you want and draw clear lines. That sounds good. I don’t care for them much either. Let’s shake on it, Seongwoo-ssi. I’ll see you tonight then? For a casual date, no strings attached.”

Their hands came together and stayed for several seconds, a warm, lingering, pleasant sensation that suggested that they were interested in more. A positive sign that things were working out between them already, that their minds were open to the personality, that the attraction was there. Nothing could feel as comfortable, familiar, and spine-tingling good as Daniel’s hand was in his though.

It was unfortunate. This man also wasn’t likely to be the one that would free him from being in love with his ex-brother. Seongwoo tossed the thought away, smiling in a more enticing fashion to please the new fling he’d coincidentally found just when he’d desperately needed one.

“Yeah, see you later. Take care of me. I’m more fragile than I seem.”

“Sure, I will. I’ll give you the time of your life.”

His wink made Seongwoo flush slightly and bite down on the center of his lip, a familiar hot coiling occurring in his lower stomach.

_Ah, this is the personality that really gets to me. That flirty, straightforward attitude. Hmm, it’s quite a turn on. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen someone who is a master at flattery with good game like Daniel is. He’s got some potential. At least it’s sure to be an entertaining evening on top of a free meal._

Seongwoo met Sanghoon at the restaurant at seven. They had a simple course of wine and pasta, more drinking than eating occuring. He found him the man a delight to talk to.

Sanghoon was an international businessman that had seen the world and met all kinds of famous people. He had all sorts of interesting tales to tell and he was talkative but not in the least bit boring. It was nice to just sit back, sipping wine, being entertained while merely having to listen, nod, and laugh.

This was why he liked cheerful, talkative people, he recalled. Because he wasn’t a fan of talking, especially about his own self, his past, or his current life. His past was depressing, his current life an uneventful bore, his own self complex and cynical. His hobbies centered around art, coffee, and his family. His thoughts and past were full of Daniel, their sins, their messed up ambiguous, forbidden relationship, their parents, regrets, his pain and tangled emotions that never seemed to fade that he was sick of.

Even if he could talk about these things, he felt as if they were not worth somebody hearing about. There was nothing comical, exciting, or impressive about him or his life.

Thus, he preferred someone who enjoyed talking more than listening. Someone who didn’t ask a lot of questions or push him to talk about himself. In that way, Sanghoon was perfect. He fit right into his comfort zone. He was arrogant, obnoxious in a comical way, and only ever talked about himself. Someone might hate that. But for Seongwoo, it was perfect. In terms of being a casual thing anyway.

By the end of the date, he was pleasantly buzzed without having revealed more than four to five personal details about himself. Sanghoon barely remembered to ask and he didn’t volunteer information. He’d learned a hundred things about the man who was quite honest, sometimes too much so. Some things he learned turned him off, but then again, they’d agreed on things staying casual so he didn’t need to worry about that.

“Thanks for the meal. I had a good time.”

“I’m sure you did. It’s with me, after all. I’m known as the first date killer.”

He had to force himself to laugh. If he had to admit it, that pretentious self-appraisal if he had to hear it every day would likely make him want to choke the man. He wouldn’t say that he was a date killer necessarily. It had been a decent date for someone like him who wanted to talk the least amount. However, if he’d been more normal, this guy likely wouldn’t be getting a second date since he was too into himself. That showing off, the narcissism, and the Casanova aura screamed that he couldn’t be trusted with your heart and would likely be an instant turn off for many.

“Yeah, you’re…something else,” he admitted with a hint of sarcasm.

“If I’ve impressed you, then I should get an award. Ah, I’m tired. I could use a pick-me up.”

Sanghoon leaned in, tapping his cheek and smirking mischievously. Seongwoo took his bait, figuring there weren’t many people on the street and the wine had been pricy and he had decently entertained him, making him laugh several times. That earned him a treat, though he didn’t feel like giving him all that much contact.

Giving too much at first wasn’t a good idea. Then he wouldn’t work harder and he’d try to take advantage of him in the future. It was better with this sort of type to keep them in line and give them just nibbles before allowing them to take what they really wanted. If you didn’t, then they’d really be out of control, stomp all over you, and end up making you exhausted.

Seongwoo leaned in, lightly kissing the patiently waiting, expectant man’s cheek twice, the second one just a finger’s width away from the corner of his mouth and lingering, giving him something to think about the rest of the night so that he wouldn’t sleep well. Seongwoo liked the idea of being in a person’s mind after a date, leaving them wanting him so badly they couldn’t sleep. He liked feeling power of another person, especially the more challenging player type. It gave him confidence and it was amusing. He smirked with pride as he stood back to judge his work.

Sanghoon appeared pleasantly surprised. The heat and twinkle in his eyes suggested desire. He’d succeeded in making the man want more of him. In this way, he’d easily scored a second date, which if he managed to entertain him again and maybe spent a bit more on him, then he’d allow him to make-out, maybe grind in the staircase between the café and the studio.

He wouldn’t take it further than that until the third date. That of course depended on things. If the guy bored him on that second date, he’d only give him a kiss as a second chance or a parting gift possibly. If the guy was terrible at making out or he didn’t feel much of a spark between them when they got physical, then a third date simply wouldn’t happen. Because he didn’t waste his time on those who he found dull or bad in bed.

Those were the only requirements next to being physically attractive or reminding him of Daniel and they must be kept. Otherwise he’d lose interest almost immediately and turn into a block of ice, rejecting them as easily as one cut the ends of a spring onion.

“You’ll call me when you’re free?”

“Yeah, maybe I will.”

“Goodnight. I’m sure you can walk down the street by yourself. I’ve got a meeting tomorrow, so I should get home and sleep.”

“It’s perfectly fine. You should go rest. It’s a long drive for you. You didn’t have to do that, you know.”

“It’s been worth it to see you. There’s no guys as gorgeous and charming as you where I live. It made my day. And now my night.”

Seongwoo’s smile was soft and mysterious. “I’m glad. If it helps you relieve stress, then you can dream of me tonight. I’ll give you permission.”

The other man smiled wider, obviously liking that a lot. “I’ll take advantage of that. See you in my dreams then.”

“Some dream guy. He doesn’t even walk you back to your place when it’s a five-minute walk. You sure have strange tastes. And what was with that flirty, sappy conversation? Not like you even have dreams.”

Seongwoo whipped around after seeing Sanghoon drive off. Daniel was in the usual rented mustang, this time cherry red, similar to the shade of his hair. It was a pretty color but he preferred the previous copper, ginger color that he got between dye jobs which made him look softer and tanner. Paired with his all black look and red lips, he looked like a vampire. An incredibly hot one, especially with that amused, knowing smirk and sexy exposed eyebrow challenging him.

“What are you doing here? I told you I don’t like you coming over unannounced. I thought you were busy.”

“Obviously I wasn’t that busy. I’ve been calling you and messaging you. But you were ignoring me. Intentionally, I suppose. Did you have fun with your new rebound? Trying to make me jealous? But, what to do, hyung? I don’t think it’s going to work this time around. Because that’s clearly not you’re type. He’ll be lucky if he even gets through the second date. I bet you’ll call off the second date actually. He’s far too sappy and full of himself for you to stand another hour.”

Seongwoo bristled, tempted to simply ignore him and stomp into the building. “Don’t act like you know everything about me or what I’m thinking. I happen to like that guy. He’s hot and he’s rich and he’s got good game and he’s amusing. I enjoyed the date immensely. Not that it’s any of your business.”

Daniel got up off the car and shrugged. It was clear he was curious and tempted to argue, but letting it go because Seongwoo was getting defensive and tense. That only made Seongwo more irritated because they both knew that Daniel was right about everything.

“It’s not my business, you’re right. I’m not all that concerned. No matter who you date, you’re special to me as I’m special to you. In a way those people can’t be. They’re temporary but I’m a permanent part of your life.”

“Yeah, like a fungus I can’t get rid of,” he muttered.

The redhead chuckled, smiling crookedly which was infuriatingly sexy. How he hated that punchable smirk.

“Ah, I guess I am like that. I’m red on the top of my head like toad is. Toad and Princess Peach. It’s a good match, don’t you think? A match made in h—”

The brunette spat with a nasty face, “Hell. Exactly. You’re my own personal hell that the universe is cursing me with. I must have been a serial killer in a past life.”

The other joked, “Who says you’re not a killer in this life, hyung? You’re basically a man killer. Straight, bisexual, older, younger, and otherwise. There’s no man on the planet that wouldn’t fall for you at first glance. They’d probably be dying with envy towards me if they knew.”

The artist rolled his eyes so hard they nearly popped out. “Knew what? Don’t act like you’re special to me because you’re not. You’re just…a friend with benefits. Sometimes.”

“Hmm. That’s all? I guess you don’t deserve the presents that I brought from Denmark then. I went around to all your favorite stores and got the latest trendy items, but then here you go, saying him nothing but a FWB. That I’m disposable like all the others. Hmm, I see…”

Daniel walked towards him with his hands in his pockets, shoulders and head drooped like a sad puppy. Seongwoo knew that he was acting, but for a second he felt bad. No matter how frustrated and defensive he was, no matter how much he wanted to protect his heart and hide his feelings by pushing Daniel away and keeping him at a distance, putting their relationship in some sort of somewhat weakly defined yet explainable box for his own sanity—he shouldn’t flat out lie like that. He shouldn’t risk potentially hurting Daniel. He shouldn’t belittle all their years of memories, many that were pleasant, fantastically so.

_Of course, Daniel is special to me. It’s just that I feel uncomfortable with him knowing that or finding out just how much. Then, how would I be able to resist his foolish propositions when he’s taking advantage of that knowledge?_

“Presents?” Seongwoo hated himself for not being able to fully damper his excitement and curiosity.

Daniel knew perfectly well that he liked surprises and presents despite he claimed to either hate them or not need them. There was something addicting about knowing that someone was thinking of you and what you might like while they were traveling. It made him feel annoyingly, dangerously good. As if maybe he meant something to Daniel. As if they were dating for real. As if he missed him and cared about him like he often said in a joking manner. As if those old feelings might still be there and Seongwoo had been casting a delusion on himself out of his own fear of commitment and emotional attachment.

It made him think all the things that he shouldn’t. It made his heart flutter and knees weak. He was a total sucker for gifts, especially fashion, food or art related ones. At first, Daniel’s gifts had been exactly the opposite of his tastes and he’d thrown a fit about it, that he shouldn’t waste his money on things that he didn’t like. Nowadays though Daniel had been studying him without his knowledge, carefully observing his room and wardrobe, stalking his Instagram. He now knew his tastes like the back of his hand and the past few times the gifts had been enough to make him squeal despite all attempts to control himself.

“I’ll let you see them if you get in the car.”

Seongwoo snorted and placed his hands on his hips, amused.

“Why? You’re going to drive me home? When it’s just five minutes by walking? Are you really worried about what might attack me in the night or are you just too lazy? I thought dancers were supposed to have good stamina. What’s the use of all that work in the gym when—”

“Ah, I guess you don’t need these. I’ll just fly back tomorrow and return them.”

Daniel got into the car, acting like a brat with a tempting pout on his plump, reddish lips. Seongwoo rushed to climb in the other side before he could seriously think of that. He turned his kitten eyes on him and held out his hands, being as cute, innocent and humble as possible so that he could get his rightfully earned gifts. It was the least that Daniel could do after how he disappeared from the city without an explanation and went out of touch completely last month for two entire weeks, ignoring his messages or leaving him on read even when he was genuinely worried that he might have been shot or sold off.

“I’m not sure if you’ll like it. I sort of went on a whim and got experimental,” the younger admitted sheepishly as he passed over the bags from the back seat, suddenly reminding Seongwoo of the day when he’d given him a Christmas present (picked out and forced on him by his mother because back then they were pretending they didn’t exist as much as possible, when they weren’t out to kill each other with stupid pranks).

He had that same unsure, nervous, yet hopeful expression that suggested he wanted Seongwoo to like it and that he’d spent a lot of time thinking about what to get him. How could he not appreciate it?

Seongwoo peeked into the bags like a curios kitten getting into shoe boxes with a hint of a smile on his face--a genuine, sweet, super pretty one.

“It doesn’t matter whether I like it or not. In the past, even those items I claimed to hate became my favorite ones anyway. Somehow my tastes change. As they say, ti’s the thought that counts.”

“Well, in that case, I have nothing to worry about. Look at the number of stuff I bought you this time. If it doesn’t show how much I was thinking of you while we were apart, then I guess I’m screwed. Nothing will.”

Seongwoo playfully glared at him with a light scoff.

He retorted mockingly, “You know what shows me that you’re thinking of me most? Actually messaging me back or giving me a call. Not ignoring my existence and doing god knows what with who at all those fancy parties you go to. At least have the nerve not to post your activities all over Instagram while claiming later that you were swamped with work. Hmm? There’s a place to start there.”

Daniel acted cute, rubbing his knee.

“Eh~ You know I’m sorry about that. That’s why I came to see you as soon as I got a break while the rest of the team went travelling. I turned them down because I wanted to come to Korea instead. Mainly for you. Because I missed you. I knew you’d be upset so that’s why I spent a fortune. I shopped for five hours for all of this until I got blisters on my feet. Hyung, forgive me. Hmm?”

Seongwoo considered slipping his hand off but left it because he was chilly and the warmth was helping. “I’ll think about it. Let’s see how you did with the goods first.”

The elder ducked to hide his amused smirk. It was easy to be angry at Daniel when they were apart but when they were face-to-face it was nearly possible. Could you really stay angry at a puppy who was trying his best to get on your good side and always so darn affectionate and obvious about his interest in you? Daniel would do anything to gain his fogrivenes and get on his good side.

Why, now that he didn’t know. If it was just so that he could have sex with him. Or if it was because he disliked feeling guilty making someone upset. Or if it was…something else. He didn’t go down that dark, deep, foreboding pit that moment though. He refused to let himself. He was in a good mood and that would only ruin it.

After checking out the gifts which were high quality and very much his taste, he nodded and put the bags in the back. Though his fingers were excitedly twitching to try them on, thinking they’d look exquisite on him.

“Your choices are satisfactory. I guess I can forgive you this time around. But in the future just for your reference, if you dare continue to ign—”

He was cut off by a pair of plush, warm lips excitedly glued to his. Daniel held his face and showered him with grateful, light kisses. He was angry that the other didn’t ask permission or even hint before attacking his mouth, but he was having difficulty not melting at the sweet affection. Daniel brushed their noses together, both breathless and star-struck.

“Thanks, hyung. I’ll do my best to make it up to you before I’ve got to go. Are you free soon? What about tomorrow night? I’ve got no plans then. Let me take you out. For a real date. It’s been ages, hasn’t it?

I’m sorry that I always get carried away and we end up just hanging out in the room like old times. We’ve got nothing to be ashamed about and you deserve better than that. You’re not some dove that should be caged up. I’ll take you out and show you a really good time. I promise. You know that I’m the best at planning dates, right? I’ll make you ten times happier than that sleezy guy did.”

“Don’t call him sleezy. He could be my next boyfriend. Show some respect.”

Seongwoo pulled back and slipped away from his hands, reprimanding him with an irritated grumble. He attempted to hide his reddened face from the sudden kiss attack that did serious damage to his nervous system and used every bit of muscle strength in his face not to smile. Though the sound of a real date, which hadn’t happened between them in months, sounded absolutely exquisite. If he’d been at home alone when Daniel had suggested that, he likely would have rolled about his bed, kicking his feet excitedly in the air and giggling like a maniac.

“Seriously, hyung? You _like _that guy?”

Daniel rolled his eyes, smirked, and then bored those all-too-knowing eyes into him as if he could read his soul and see through all of his lies as easy as looking through a window. Seongwoo cleared his throat and avoided his eyes.

He coolly snapped, “Yeah. Maybe I do. So what? It’s my life.”

Daniel chuckled and shook his head in disbelief.

“It’s more like your funeral. That guy’s going to bore you to death in no time. He probably only talked about himself, right? He’s probably more into bragging about himself and his own looks than he is about what interests you, right? I can see straight through that chaebol wannabe. He’s not good boyfriend material for anyone. Especially not for you.

At least if you’re going to date people to make me go insane with jealousy, hyung, then you should choose from a certain higher caliber. Have some pride and class. You are way too good for him. You clearly know that too. You’re just pretending that you like him because you have no other rebounds to taunt me with, right?”

Seongwoo continued to avoid him. “I don’t need to comment on that. Think what you want. You always have. Your head’s full of nonsense and delusions. I’ve never been able to get you to see reason, so I’ve basically given up. As long as you’re not doing something that’s putting us at risk.”

“Hmm. Putting us at risk. Our relationship being discovered has always been considered risky to you, though I don’t care if people know about what we were or confused about what we are now. It’s not like it’s any of their business. Or like they haven’t ever been in a complicated between relationship before.

I wonder what you said to your last boyfriend about our photos together. Or when we were messaging while you were supposedly on a date with him. He probably got pissed about it and asked you if you were two-timing, seeing he was younger and clingy. You probably told him, like you do everyone else, that we’re just acquaintances, right? Or maybe that you knew me from college? Or did you say that I’m a customer who’s a fan of your art?

Ah, there was that time that was really funny. When you told your boyfriend that I’m your stalker since high school. Remember when he reported me and I had to stay in jail for a night? You picked me up the next day because you were overwhelmed with guilt.

That was a fun time. That’s why I’m so addicted to you, hyung. One of the reasons. You’re so unpredictable. We get wild and have the greatest times together. What do you say, hyung? You want to take another risk with me right now? I know that car sex turns you on.”

“Daniel, what are you doing? This is the middle of the street. Are you crazy?”

His hisses turned into moans and his pushing hands turned to pulling ones as Daniel stroked his thighs and kissed along his neck. He’d attempted to avoid his lips kissing along his cheek by leaning as far away up against the door as he could, but the car was small and Daniel wasn’t blocked by a seat belt. Like he had said though, Seongwoo was turned on by doing things in cars and he could hardly resist the temptation of doing things in a public place. The darkness, the close quarters, the steamed up windows, the echoing sounds of pleasure, the feeling like they could get caught, the nature of their relationship—the combinations of sins was an irresistible aphrodisiac.

“I’ll make you feel good, hyung. Lay back and relax.”

“Shit, Niel-ah, this is a terrible idea…” he huffed into the steamy window, shaky fingers scratching a mark through the grey.

“But you want to do it badly, right? I can sense it, hyung. In your fingers, in your voice. You’re already hard and wet, aren’t you? You want me to blow you right now, so badly that you’re shaking with excitement.”

Seongwoo turned to glare fiercely at him through hooded, long-lashed eyes. “If you know, then stop teasing me and get on with it. For fuck’s sake. Don’t make me angry. It ruins the mood.”

Daniel chuckled as he moved to his ear. He sucked and tongued the lobe lazily while adjusting the seat backwards. Once it reclined, Seongwoo tossed up his hands and held the headrest, his hips twitching, calling desperately for attention. Daniel dived down, deftly unzipping his pants and freeing his member which was rock hard and dripping. He eagerly licked the tip and swirled the fluid around to help wetten the surface of the hot skin. Seongwoo’s hips bucked as he inhaled sharply at the initial brush of contact. His fingers and toes curled with pleasure the lower he went. He cried out and then stifled it to a soft moan by biting his lip, his pretty eyes fluttering closed beneath a curtain of spindly, ebony lashes.

“Ah, tss, hmm…”

Daniel watched his face from the side mirror as he slowly circled his tongue around the silky tip. Then he opened his mouth wide and swallowed his full length. Seongwoo was absolutely delicious, every bit of him was sweet, especially that part. It was warm while the rest of him was cold. It was hard while the rest of him was fluffy and squishy.

He hadn’t had any dick better than Seongwoo’s which was a reason he kept coming back here. Had he been with other people? Probably. When he was wasted and desperately lonely. He wasn’t sure. He couldn’t remember them even if he had wanted to. Which he didn’t. There was no one he was ever pursuing with the intention of dating or even sleeping with them, so they hardly mattered.

He needed no-one but Seongwoo. Seongwoo was the only one that he wanted. Seongwoo was the only one that he cared about. The first, the only, and the last. Forever. He would wait until he was a hundred years old if that’s what it took. Anything was worth it to have even a day with Seongwoo as his official lover before he died.

Anyone else was a waste of time because they couldn’t compare. He’d realized it long before they’d even reunited. That it was hopeless getting over him. The only one that could move his heart and keep his interest for longer than a couple of days, the only one that drove him insane with lust and other feels was Seongwoo. The very person that had first broken his heart and left him miserable and cruelly. The very person that refused to believe his feelings for real and wouldn’t trust him, back then or even now. The person that was mixed up in his mind—a friend, a family member, a lover, a confidant, a rival, a hero.

Whatever Seongwoo was to him, the man wasn’t sure. But he was sure that his gorgeous, intoxicating hyung was the most special person in his life, in this world, no, in the universe. And that no matter what it took, no matter what he had to be to the other, he had to remain by Seongwoo’s side, in his life. For the rest of eternity.

If Seongwoo officially pushed him away and refused to see him or talk to him. That would be the day that he lost his reason for living. To even consider it was his own personal hell. He had dreams and hobbies and friends, sure. But the thing that was giving him a reason to actually LIVE on in times of difficulty was Seongwoo. His eternal one, the love of his life, the only person that truly mattered to him, that he couldn’t exist without. Just thinking of him while he was working made him smile and gain strength.

“Ah, you’re sucking so hard, Niel. Go easy on me, ah, or I’ll…burst— Ah, fuck, so good, I feel like I’m gonna die. Niel, hmm, haaa…”

Seongwoo held his head, pushing him down as he roughly bobbed his head at a break-neck speed. Lude sounds filled the car, seeping into the black leather seats. This car was seeing some serious action, they should ask for a viewer fee. Though the windows were too fogged up to see much likely.

Daniel was addicted to the taste and the feeling, the sounds of pleasuring the person that he cared about, the intimate connection that occurred between them that was hard to explain. It felt like Seongwoo was being honest, that he needed and cared for him desperately as well. That he was offering himself up as his and that he was claiming him, marking his territory.

_Those guys can’t ever get you as good as I can, baby. Just look at the beautiful mess you are, falling apart from just a blow job. Because they don’t know you as well as I do. They don’t have the history that we do. They don’t care about you and your needs the same way either. _

_I am able to push on because I truly believe that someday you will see what I can see so clearly. You feel this good because you have special feelings for me. You might be running, hiding, denying them with all your might because your scared of being hurt or you feel that it’s wrong because of our parents. But someday you will see what those special feelings are, that my feelings are true and unchanging, that I’m trustworthy enough to be with you the way that we both want to be, and you’ll realize that running is fruitless and only makes you tired. _

_Someday you will give up on this chase and push-pull game. You will be officially, finally mine willingly and we will be the happiest couple on Earth. I just have to keep patiently waiting and showing you how I honestly feel through any means that I can. Until you can no longer ignore me or your own feelings anymore. _

_Eventually, it will happen. As long as I play my cards right and manage to be stuck to your side. I just have to make sure not to make you too angry or lonely. I have to make sure to be caring and not to be stupid. Above all, I have to keep you satisfied and feeling adored._

Seongwoo gripped the back of his vibrant lucks, rolling his hips up erratically to thrust deeper into his mouth. Daniel took it like a pro, long ago having fixed his gag-reflex so deep throating which Seongwoo loved would become no problem for him. He focused on sucking as hard as he could while flicking the edge of his tongue along the sensitive, pulsing vein, staring him down hotly through his lashes. The result was that he made his lover go insane. His cries grew loud, echoing off the frame of the car, music to his ears.

“Niel, oh god, oh fuck, it’s so good, so hot, I’m com, hmm…”

He swallowed the salty, bitter fluid, continuing to slowly bob his head and swivel his tongue to massage the quivering organ in his mouth. Seongwoo loved that and he praised him generously by rubbing the back of his head and moaning sweetly around tired pants.

“Good job, Niel, yes like that, so good, that was amazing, you did great, yes, oh god was that hot…”

He sat up and wiped off the spit with a proud smile. “It seems you needed that. Did you enjoy it, hyung?”

Seongwoo rolled his head over, looking a beautiful, sweaty, sexy mess with his face flushed, shining, and his hair tussled from tossing his head and running his hand through it, his eyes blissfully dazed and half-shut. He smiled lazily and nodded.

“I seriously enjoyed that. You’re as wonderful at that as a professional. I would ask where you learned how but I also don’t really want to know about your practices. It will make my mood sour.”

Daniel chuckled, caringly brushing his bangs so they were in his usual artful curve over his gorgeous forehead. He leaned in to nuzzle and peck his flushed cheek with affection.

“I sort of want to tell you. You are really adorable when you’re jealous, hyung. Did you know that? It makes me want to fuck the lights out of you. Unfortunately, you always get jealous when I’m away from you instead of when I’m around you, so I never get the chance to act on it. Shall I make you jealous by telling you about the times I practiced, which was all for you, by the way? In truth, I practiced simply because I know that you liked that and I was lacking in that area so I wanted to be better at it. In case I ever happened to get another chance with you.”

Seongwoo leaned in to softly kiss his nose and scratched his hair like he was a puppy. “You know what, that makes me feel good enough, that you were doing it for me or thinking of me when you’re with others. I can imagine but I don’t need to hear about it then. Keep that bit to yourself.”

Daniel grumped with a sulky pout. “No fair. You tell me all about the guys you do it with. Even how big they are. Who can make their tits dance. Who likes you to spank them. I have to see all these photos of you being lovey dovey. Hell, I’ve even accidentally run into them like today, hyung. It’s just cruel and unfair. Don’t you know that?”

Seongwoo brushed the back of his hair with a bittersweet smile, his twilight orbs tinted with sadness.

“Yeah, I know that. Believe me,I know how horrible and hypocritical I am better than anyone, Niel. If you have an issue, you know where the door is. No-one is stopping you. I’m certainly not going to chain your ankle and stop you from going. Leave this rotten person behind and go be sweet and affection and give your fantastic blow jobs to someone more deserving. Since you have a better chance of being in a normal, happy relationship with them. That sounds like a safer option.”

Daniel smiled warmly against his wrist, pressing his lips to the silky flesh.

“You know better than anyone that I like to take risks and choose the more challenging options. I’m forever stuck in the rebellious stage. And I prefer challenges to safer options. It’s more fun and more rewarding when you achieve your goal.”

Seongwoo sighed and tugged on his earlobe. “Hopeless mutt.”

Daniel playfully nipped his wrist, grinning more mischievously. “Miserable, impossible punk. I love you.”

Seongwoo pulled his hand away and shifted his gaze, his face flushing a darker shade. “Shut it. I need to rest. That wiped me out. Why’d you go so hard on me? I’m an old man now. I could have died of a heart attack.”

“Okay, I’ll be quiet, old man. But I still love you. You should know that. And maybe someday stop pretending that you don’t feel the same and respond in turn.”

The only response was a growl as the limp, exhausted brunette bumped his forehead against the other’s in reprimand. Daniel rubbed their foreheads together, cuddling up closer to his lover with his arms wrapped snugly around his waist. Seongwoo attempted to push him away but Daniel easily fought against it, sensing from the weak amount of pressure that it was merely another act.

Their date was simple and private, as Seongwoo preferred. They watched a movie and then went to one of his favorite cafes that also held a different photography exhibition ever week. He sipped his sweet macchiato while gazing at the photos.

Usually, Daniel would bother him by constantly staring with this obnoxious, affectionate smirk. He’d pretend that he hated it and tell him to look away or do something else, but he wouldn’t listen. Because he never had--that certainly hadn’t changed over the near decade that they’d known each other.

However, today was different. He’d only watched him for about ten minutes before he was on his phone. Seongwoo observed him, drinking more, hoping the liquid would press down that annoying lump of suspicion, anxiety, and jealousy. It wasn’t like Daniel to so openly smile and laugh while chatting with someone else in his presence.

_Is what I feared finally happening? Does he have someone official? Or is he doing this on purpose to get a rouse out of me because he finds me being upset amusing? But that smile, it seems genuine. He seems seriously into that conversation. Whoever it is must be someone that gets him well. That also amuses him. Hmm, who is that? Just how close are they? Are they friends? Or have they already…_

Seongwoo chewed on his fingernails anxiously as he practically glared at that phone, willing it out of existence. He might push the other away more than the opposite, but in reality he desperately hated his lover giving attention elsewhere.

Daniel realized that he was being preoccupied and set the phone aside with a sheepish, guilty smile.

“Sorry. There’s actually someone that’s going to be swinging by soon. I was talking to them. I wanted to introduce them to you.”

Seongwoo’s head popped up and his eyes widened, his gnawed finger dropping absently. “That’s a first. You hardly even told me the names of any your friends, let alone introduce them.”

“Well, this person’s Korean. And I’ve known him for awhile. He was my friend back in middle school. He moved and we lost touch, but I found him recently by coincidence at a class reunion. He’s a nice guy. Really funny and bubbly. I think you’ll like him.”

“Tch. I doubt it. Why would I like anyone that voluntarily decides to hang out with the likes of you? He must be an idiot,” Seongwoo grumbled, looking away and crossing his arms over his chest, his flush likely giving him away.

Daniel smirked, eyes twinkling. He seemed to be able to see right through him, the fact that he was more jealous and curious than ever. On top of being anxious and full of questions.

_Did that kid have a crush on him before? Just how close did they get? Did they do anything physical? What’s their relationship now? Will I have to share? I don’t really like sharing and I already have to share him. What’s the real deal with him introducing me to this guy? Are they like…serious? Wait, Daniel didn’t introduce him as a friend specifically. Shit…_

Daniel watched Seongwoo gradually turning into an ice sculpture, seeming amused by his inner terrors.

“The reason that I’m asking him to come buy is that he’s a photographer. He needs a couple of guys who for a shoot. I thought it might be fun for you. I owe him a favor too.”

Seongwoo was so relieved that he let it show on his face. Daniel’s grin widened, looking quite menacing.

“What’s in that for me? Why should I model for someone I don’t know?”

His suspicious smile faded, then he replied innocently, “Because you’re interested in photography? And it would be good for your business to make connections with other local artists. Maybe he’ll like your paintings and put them up in his studio and brag about this painter friend he has.”

Connections. That couldn’t ever hurt. His main source of income was his painting because his mother wasn’t paying him much to run the café. Art was an expensive hobby and he happened to have rich tastes in everything else.

He did have an interest in photography these days as well. It was an art form that he thought was aesthetically beautiful and deep. He wanted to learn more about it and attempt it himself. He was an amateur that only took photos of landscapes and read books about photography skills and tools. Daniel as expected knew his weakness and how to exploit it. Sometimes he had to admire his strokes of genius.

“You’re interested,” he stated as a fact more than a question with that smug smirk that Seongwoo wanted to punch off.

The brunette chewed on his lip and drummed his pale, slender fingers on his warm porcelain mug for awhile, lost in thought. He felt as if a war was waging inside of himself. In the end, he decided to stick around and meet this person because he was curious and one of the things that he couldn’t stand was immature behavior. He was being immature even more so than usual because of his fears that Daniel was close to this person and therefor he detested him. Not for the first time, he was disliking himself for doing and thinking things that he shouldn’t.

“Fine. I’ll stick around and see the proposal. No promises that I’ll be doing it though. So, don’t give your friend false hopes.”

Five minutes later, a short man with fluffy cheeks, shiny and flawless skin and a wild curly mop of milk chocolate hair came. He was smiling brightly so his shimmering, creamy, mandu cheeks puffed out and walked with a bounce in his step. He reminded Seongwoo of a hamster or a monkey and his cuteness made him instantly dislike him intensely. It reminded him of how much of a dark downer he was in comparison. He never walked with any bounce or had extremely pinchable baby fat still lingering around.

“Hello, Seongwoo-ssi! It’s so nice to meet you. My name’s Kim Jaehwan. I’m a long time friend of this ruffian here. I’ve heard a lot about you from Daniel. So, you’re the best friend that replaced me, huh? Well, no wonder. That’s quite an upgrade. I look like a potato next to this Greek god, Niel. Wah, with the two of you I’m more like a freaking rock. I’m cursed to only be around beautiful people. You’re both shining so bright, my eyes hurt.”

Seongwoo went speechless as any casual words of greeting escaped him. His mind was frazzled and his eyes drawn to something unpleasant. Jaehwan held onto Daniel’s shoulder so naturally, before he covered his eyes in jest. Just as easily, Daniel wrapped his arm around his waist and pulled him close, his hand lingering on his side. The redhead’s smile was the breath-taking, heart-melting sort that made his dimples pop out and his hazel eyes nearly disappear. The sort that was familiar to him, his favorite sort.

This kid…who was he? Why did he feel threatened and irritated this much from a pipsqueak? Why did it look like they were more than friends? Like they were together for weeks? Was this Daniel’s way of saying that he was over him? Or that he decided to partake in the same sort of messed up games that he’d been playing for years?

The taste of his own medicine was exceptionally bitter. He was officially raving mad with jealousy and his heart felt like it were being plucked at with tweezers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting close to the end of this story now, two chapters left until lucky number 7. The drama is coming up soon. You've now met the last of the important characters. Sanghoon is another love interest of Ong's but Jaehwan I made a love interest of Niel instead, yes he's the photographer of this version. There's a surprise one later on that I didn't tag yet and it's another w1 member, who can they be~ Hope you enjoyed my spin on the webtoon thus far. There's a large nod to it with the before and during part of the car scene. Though I think the webtoon is probably hotter than what I did because I didn't elaborate much, well it's okay cus it's not the last smut scene you'll be seeing haha. Lucky you keke. Window fogging up stuff thanks to Marie Claire haha, great idea given just in time to edit it into this chapter!
> 
> Have a great weekend!
> 
> <3 Raina


	6. Worst Fears Come to Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehwan (photographer, new supposed boyfriend of Daniel) makes a mistake by pissing off the wrong person. Ice also leaves a burn.

“Hold on. Your tie is crooked. I’ll get that.”

Seongwoo’s outreached hands were pushed aside by Jaehwan, the photographer Seongwoo suspected was Daniel’s boyfriend. The guy with the mop of chocolate hair set down his camera and rushed over as if the other wasn’t allowed to touch his property. Seongwoo snorted and rolled his eyes, having to turn around and flex his hands before he acted on his temptation. To strangle that hamster.

_He happens to be MY…MY…my what_ exactly? he couldn’t say out loud specifically. Hence, he was forced to stay silent.

Jaehwan wasn’t nearly as cute or nice as Daniel seemed to think. He was manipulative, annoying, overly friendly and touchy. On top of being extremely strange.

_I mean, who on Earth would look that happy and even suggest romantic gestures to another man with your own boyfriend? No matter how important getting a good picture his him, it’s just weird to ask us to hug and hold hands and such. _

_The way that he smiles and laughs too when we’re doing that, wildly snapping the camera too. Is he a psycho? Or is it a kink? Did Daniel bring me into this because that weirdo wants to have a threesome? He gives me bad vibes. I just can’t seem to like him. And I hate this whole situation. How much longer must I endure? Why the hell have I not walked out, anyway? _

_Oh, right, because Daniel asked for a favor which is rare…and I should get in the way of them as much as possible. Wait, why? I don’t care. I shouldn’t care about who he’s with or not with. But I sort of do. Ugh, this is maddening. _

They were in the middle of the shoot that was a favor for his photographer friend. They were in tuxedos with their hair styled in classy waves off their face. It was something like a wedding pictorial, to advertise that he was a supporter of LGBT couples in order to get more customers.

Jaehwan had wanted to use Daniel apparently, telling Daniel that he should choose the person that he was naturally comfortable with to act like he was in love with so that the shots would come out beautiful and realistic.

They’d been at this for an hour already, with the occasional break. Even without breaks, Jaehwan kept coming in between them, forcing the shoot to halt and therefore extending Seongwoo’s hell. He was forced to stand along the sidelines of the set, not wanting to watch but unable to look away as Jaehwan chatted with Daniel, complimented him, and touched him all over. Brushed his hair back, pinched his cheek, flirtatiously squeezed his shoulder or rubbed his chest even under the suit jacket.

Likewise, Daniel was driving him insane by letting him, flashing his gorgeous smile, laughing at everything the monkey said like they shared some sort of secret joke. Seongwoo didn’t understand them. He had a different humor code, so he was unamused and cranky. Every lingering, amused look, every giggle, every casual or intimate touch—it seriously irked him.

After Jaehwan adjusted Daniel’s tie, his hands drifted to his chest, leaning against it and brushing there with his fingers. Seongwoo stared there, a rosy film of anger sliding over his eyes, his heart pinching, his stomach heating in coiling in an unfamiliar, unpleasant way.

_Hey, that’s MY firm chest you’re touching! Hands off!_

“Let’s get back to it, shall we? My feet hurt from all this standing,” he hissed, reminiscent of a cat.

Jaehwan turned to him with an innocent, annoyingly bright smile. He didn’t remove his hands from Daniel’s chest. Seongwoo noticed that Daniel was rubbing his shoulder while looking over at his jealous self, wearing the smuggest of grins. He was enjoying witnessing Seongwoo cracking at the seams.

_These pricks. Stop fucking flirting in front of me and just go get your own room, leaving me out of this. I don’t care if you mess around, but I hate that you’re daring to do it in front of me and basking in my reaction. It’s evil. _

_I could really kill you right now, Daniel. How dare you make me feel this way? No one makes me jealous or insecure. Who do you think you are? Don’t show it, don’t let him know he’s affecting you, don’t play into his game. You’re better than that, Seongwoo-yah. You’re winning as long as you don’t show it._

The chic brunette forced a wide smile on his face. “Sorry about that. Do you guys need a moment? I’ll go to the bathroom and rest a bit then.”

When he arrived, he felt as if a bucket of ice had dropped over his head. He froze, staring with shock and rising fury. Daniel was sitting on a chair. Jaehwan was in his lap with his arms around his neck. Daniel’s hand was running along his jaw, encouraging him to tilt his head and temptingly bringing him closer. Their eyes were locked, their expressions serious. It looked like they were about to kiss.

Seongwoo knew that the mature thing to do was to turn around as if he hadn’t seen it and let them have some more time alone. He couldn’t do that, however. The thought of Daniel kissing someone besides him, within the same building—it was horrendous. It made him act the most mature that he’d possibly ever been. So much that he hated himself as soon as he did it.

Clearing his throat, he stomped towards them so that he’d for certain be heard (since sometimes they pretended or seemed not to). The two broke apart, Jaehwan turning flushed and appearing guilty. Daniel appeared as ever unphased and cocky, not the least bit guilty but more proud of himself. He sat back and spread his legs, reminiscent of a king. His eyes went back and forth between the two brunettes, one that was glaring unceremoniously at the other, his cherry colored, glossy lips crooked quite sexily.

Seongwoo mocked in a biting tone, “Sorry for interrupting.”

“Oh, you weren’t. I was just showing what I wanted to do with the next shoot, Seongwoo-ssi. I want you to sit on his lap just like that. I was thinking it would be really nice to have a near-kiss or an actual kiss scene. Whatever’s comfortable with you.”

The artist scrunched up his face in disgust directed strongly at the photographer. He knew he wouldn’t be able to hold back anymore.

“A kiss scene? For fuck’s s—Ugh, fine. I’ll do it. This better be the last of it. I’ve got things to do.”

The irritation and bitterness in his tone couldn’t be hid anymore. At his snap and cold grimace, Jaehwan brushed the back of his head with a hint of that strange laugh.

“Ah, was I taking up too much of your time? You’re busy I’m sure. Running a café and doing your painting as well. My bad. Let’s have this be the end of it then. Sit down please.”

Seongwoo sighed, then stomped over towards Daniel. He plopped down on his lap, purposefully hard, glaring lividly at the amused redhead as he looped his arms over his neck.

“Enjoying this, are you?”

“Maybe. You aren’t?”

“Oh, clearly. I’m having the time of life,” he muttered sarcastically and sneered.

Daniel chuckled, reaching up to gently caress his cheek. Seongwoo bit his lip to hold back a moan, hating how his body responded to that familiar sweet touch despite his anger at him and how he’d just been doing this with another person which hurt so much more than he’d ever thought possible.

He’d imagined Daniel with people. He’d seen pictures of him with others at parties that were questionable. His skills in sex even the first time after their reunion suggested that he’d practiced with others, that he was experienced. Somehow the visuals, seeing him with another before his own eyes, was different. It was like a knife piercing and twisting his heart, a zombie gnawing on his guts, a bee stinging around his eyes repeatedly. He hated this feeling and he hated Daniel for making him feel this strongly, especially for how thrilled he was about it. For getting what he’d wanted for years.

“Let’s make this hot.”

Seongwoo rolled his eyes despite the shiver that ran down his spine at that husky tone and charismatic gaze. “You two are fucking weird. You’re actually giving in to his kink, I can’t believe. Who in their right mind would ask their boyfriend to kiss another man in front of him?”

“Hmm, the fun kind?” the redhead joked.

Seongwoo stared at him with wide eyes full of hurt and fear. Daniel’s eyes were soft, warm, and twinkling with amusement.

He didn’t deny it. Shit. They might really be dating then. Can’t it just be a game, Niel? I’ll still hate you for this, but I can understand you want revenge. It will hurt less if it’s just a childish act to make me jealous. But if you really have someone, I’ll..I’l…fuck, I’ll be broken.

No, don’t. Niel, you can’t. Only me. You’re only supposed to love me. I’m no good for you, I know that. But he’s no good for you either. At least I’m better than him. I can be fun too. I’m not ready. You can be with someone someday, sure. But I have to find someone else first. Someone to replace you with. Who is almost as perfect. You aren’t allowed to like someone more than me first. You aren’t allowed to leave me just yet. You’re mine. MY Daniel.

Daniel was surprised at first by how desperate and passionate Seongwoo kissed him, as if he were attempting to consume him like fire to paper. Then it seemed that he forget about where they were or who was watching as the familiar feelings took over. He sank into the kiss and parted his lips eagerly, meeting the sweet, pointy tip of Seongwoo’s diving tongue. They battled sensually for dominance under the blinding lights in the center of the set, getting lost in the deep kiss.

They only broke away when Jaehwan’s voice came in to shatter the moment.

“Okay, that’s a wrap, guys. Thanks so much. These shots are going to turn out really nice. You’ve got some amazing chemistry. If I didn’t know better, I’d guess that you’d been dating for years.”

Abruptly, Seongwoo jumped up and left the room, wiping his mouth, his face flushed and tense. Daniel combed his fingers through his hair, still leaning back on the chair from when Seongwoo’s sudden attack had pushed him backwards. He watched the brunette go while licking over his swollen lips and huffing from the hot kissing session. He was bothered by it, not hiding from the photographer or feeling the least bit ashamed by the tent in his black slacks.

“Fuck. Are they really? Should I just ask him? But that’s so lame and embarrassing. And it will give him what he wants. He wants me to be curious and anxious. I shouldn’t ask him. But I want to know. I can’t wait anymore. It’s really bothering me.”

Seongwoo paced around the dressing room, pulling at his hair and biting his thumb nails. His steps faltered as his eyes came across the phone. His eyes shifted to the door. He didn’t hear any sounds of anyone coming nearby. Before even considering the insanity of what he was doing, he was invading Daniel’s privacy.

He went to his followers and found Jaehwan, then he checked Jaehwan’s Instagram. He’d tried to figure out last night just what their relationship status was, but he couldn’t get much of a read from the couple of photos on Daniel’s Instagram, that were mostly from several months back. They seemed just normal friends then. There wasn’t anything special about the commentary on the photos either.

However, when he went to Jaehwan’s Instagram, there was a strange post. It was a photo of Daniel back hugging him, pretending to bite his ear with Jaehwan’s face scrunched in fear or disgust. The caption read ‘ah, don’t eat me, I’m not a real mandu! With my boo at a mandu shop, he decided I’m tastier than the food.’

“My boo, with my b-o-o…boo is a term that you’d never use with your friend but your significant other, usually, right? Or is it like boo as in what a ghost says? Is there some other connotation? Maybe it’s just a nickname?”

He sat down on a chair, biting his finger nails as he looked up on his own phone after putting the other one back in its original place what ‘boo’ could mean.

“Hyung? Are you decent? I’m coming in.” After a few knocks, the door opened and Daniel slid in.

Seongwoo stood up, unbuttoning his shirt as if he’d just started to get dressed, his phone left open accidentally on the chair in his haste.

“Ah, you’re just getting started. Take your time. We don’t want to ruin these clothes. They look pricey.”

Seongwoo nodded and turned his back on the redhead. Daniel glanced at his figure and then at the screen of the phone. He briefly read what Seongwoo had been looking up and smirked, then started to undress as well. The room was filled with a heavy, awkward silence.

“Did you learn things today? I hope that meeting a photographer could be useful to you.”

Seongwoo chewed on his lip and snorted lightly. Yeah, he’d sure learned a lot. He wouldn’t say that any of it was useful information though. In fact, he could have gone his whole life not knowing what he suspected was true. Curiosity really killed the cat today.

He grumbled softly, “It was fine.”

“Are you really busy now? Why don’t we go out for some grub? That must have made you hungry.”

“I’m not hungry. Maybe HE is though. You should take him out. Since he’s so important to you and such great company.” The artist couldn’t hide the bitterness in his voice if he tried, which he was done hiding anything from the other since he’d basically been found out.

Daniel turned to him with an expression of concern, his shirt half unbuttoned. “Hyung…Is there something wrong? Do you not like Jaehwan? Or is that…you hated that he asked us to kiss in front of him? There’s nothing you need to be shy about. He knows about…”

Seongwoo became horrified, his voice squeaking like a dolphin in his severe state of panic.

“He knows about us? What did you tell him about? This childhood friend of yours comes out of nowhere and then you’re so comfortable and trusting of him that you spill everything about us? I guess you guys are really serious then. For how long? Even when we last…Ugh, I can’t believe you. If you have someone you like. If you’re planning on moving on. Then you should have told me that. You didn’t need to show him off like that, how happy you are, how perfect and how much better he is than me. I’m not so dense. That’s so heartless of you.”

Once he started criticizing him, it became like an ongoing train. It gained too much momentum for him to stop until he’d run himself out of breath, glaring and clenching his hands.

“Ha. Heartless? Hyung. Don’t you realize how hypocritical you’re being right now? I only introduced you two, that’s all. You’ve done much worse to me over the years. What is different form what you always do?”

“It’s different! Because…because…”

“Because why? What is the issue here, hyung? What did I do that’s so wrong that you’re acting like this?” Daniel insisted dry with his hands on his hip, his face serious and stern unlike the elder had seen in years.

Seongwoo faltered slightly when he realized that Daniel was actually angry at him and he’d started an argument that he couldn’t win. He’d taken out his stress on Daniel who hadn’t done anything wrong. No more than what he’d ever done.

He desperately felt the need to run out away. He was on the verge of suffocating. It felt like a couch was resting on his chest and his eyes stung, a warning sign that he was going to start crying soon. He didn’t want Daniel to see that. Crying in this situation was ridiculous. He had no right and it wasn’t anything to cry about.

He knew that this was going to happen someday, and it was his own fault for continuously driving Daniel away, keeping him floating in the air never accepting him as his own. This was a punishment, a consequence he had to bear on his own. Crying would only make Daniel feel guilty and make himself seem all the more hypocritical and childish, both things that he couldn’t bare and new weren’t right.

Seongwoo grabbed his coat and rushed to the door.

“Hyung! Answer me.”

Seongwoo paused, hand on the doorknob. He gulped and blinked back tears, praying that his voice wouldn’t crack. He’d decided that he should answer honestly, as it might be the last time that he saw Daniel before he cowardly disappeared. At least for awhile. Until he’d gotten through his heartbreak enough that they could continue on as normal friends.

It wasn’t like he wished Daniel not to be happy, though he would likely jump for joy and start expecting things if a break-up happened. Because he was the miserable, lonely, hopeless sort. Though he didn’t deserve Daniel, somehow he felt like the only one for him and he kept coming back to him.

Why was that anyway? All these years and forever only stuck on one person that he couldn’t have, that he banned himself from having even when the opportunity presented it himself. Did he love pain? Did he want to be unhappy forever? Was he afraid of commitment? Would he never be able to trust someone and go after what he wanted?

It was always only Daniel for him, yet he couldn’t change himself even the minimal amount in order to have him. He was destined to be miserable and single the rest of his life.

“Because I wasn’t serious about them like it seems you are with him. Anyway, I’ve got things to do. Don’t visit me for awhile. Just…focus on making your boyfriend happy. I can’t say that I approve of him and this whole situation, how you handled it is so messed up that I’m honestly pissed and disappointed in you.

I don’t think he’s good enough for you but who am I to say that when I’m the shittiest person in existence and have kept holding your back from having a happy, normal relationship? Maybe I’m just a miserable judge of character and I can’t see that he’s decent because of my attraction to you. I keep wanting you to myself but knowing that I shouldn’t stops me from that ever happening. You should just forget me and avoid me, Niel. I’m toxic.”

“Hyung…Why would you think so negatively like that?”

Seongwoo didn’t hear beyond that because he’d already left the room. He dodged Jaehwan who seemed concerned and started bombarding him with questions, fleeing the building as if it were on fire. The panic rose up to his throat painfully, making him shiver and gasp. He continued to run down the street, slapping at his chest and huffing, trying to attempt to breathe. The tears stinging the back of his eyeballs finally slipped hot down his face despite he hadn’t given them permission.

“Ah..it hurts…hmm, it hurts so bad…” he whined, collapsing on his knees in a shadowed ally, clutching at his aching, clenching throat.

_Is this what dying feels like? How to survive this pain and self-hatred?_

Seongwoo was serving a customer coffee when the bell rang, signaling the arrival of a new person. He looked up with a smile, preparing to greet them. Halfway through saying hello, he noticed a familiar face and his smile changed into something more of a scowl, despite reminding himself to ‘play nice’. Kim Jaehwan hadn’t done anything but fall for the amazing person that Daniel was and show his affections. It was wrong of him to take out his heartbreak on him irrationally.

_It’s been a week. You can be mature this time around, Seongwoo-yah. You can and you will. Because he’s the one that Daniel chose and you respect Daniel. At least, you don’t want him to feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. Then he would have to choose. In that case, would he really choose you?_

“What can I do for you?” he tightly asked, though his tone suggested more along the lines of ‘what the hell are you doing here? Please just go’.

Jaehwan smiled brightly, suggesting he was a fool who couldn’t take a hint or he was a smart one with great acting skills and incredibly thick skin. Seongwoo thought it was the later. He was still sure, more than ever after hearing Daniel admit that Jaehwan knew something about them, that the hamster was manipulative.

He’d likely understood that Seongwoo had some sort of complex, lingering feelings for him and was staking out his territory and cutting apart their messy relationship by being possessive of Daniel in front of him. Though he still didn’t understand why he’d suggest that his boyfriend kiss the person he was having a fling with, especially if he knew they were exes with a long, complicated history.

What sort of weirdo would dangle the bait in front of the man who used to enjoy nibbling at it before, that used to have feelings for it? Was he that confident that he could win over and keep Daniel’s heart? Or was he merely a fool that liked playing risky games?

Maybe it was because Daniel had said that he wasn’t anything special to him. Maybe those things that he’d said recently had been a lie. After all, he hadn’t come to visit him all week despite him storming off abruptly after they argued and though he sent messages Seongwoo blatantly ignored, he hadn’t bombarded him with calls.

Well, was that anything new? Maybe he was expecting the impossible. Daniel had hardly ever done that sort of thing. If he pushed him away seriously, then he’d back off and do his own thing, waiting for time to allow Seongwoo to calm down and give him hints that he missed him and was over his attitude problems.

There wasn’t going to be any of that this time around though. For his friend’s sake, for him to be happy. Seongwoo needed to make sure Daniel stayed away and established a solid relationship. He needed to try to get ahold of his feelings and his attraction so that when the other came around wanting to establish their friendship, he wouldn’t undress, drag him to his bed, and beg to be loved intimately.

This time for real, that part of their connection was over with. Daniel deserved to be with someone in a normal relationship. If he liked that person, then Seongwoo would force himself to be decent to him and at least TRY to like him as well.

“You don’t like me, do you?” Jaehwan said bluntly.

Seongwoo laughed awkwardly and put on a wider, forced smile. “Eh, what are you saying, Jaehwan-ssi? What’s not to like about you? I hardly know you.”

“You wouldn’t like me though no matter how much time we spent together. Since you think that I’ve stolen the person you like away.”

His smile faltered and his shoulders tensed. He came around the counter, gesturing to the door.

“Let’s talk elsewhere. Follow me.”

Seongwoo took the photographer to his studio. The brunette wandered around, looking at his paintings without Seongwoo’s permission. It made him bristle, that man touching his things, judging his work, seeing his emotions rawly exposed all over the canvas. Many of these paintings were connected to his feelings towards Daniel, his complicated feelings about himself, their years upon years of memories.

“Oh, you’ve got some serous talent. These are lovely. How much do they usually go for?”

Seongwoo sighed. “Sorry, but I’d rather not sell my paintings to you. It’s a personal thing. Whatever you were saying earlier, let’s continue that. There’s no need to pretend to be a buyer.”

“I am interested in buying though, personal things aside. I think your paintings are lovely. They have something special. It’s subtle more often than not, but I can sense this outpour of emotion. As if you hold back and feel a lot and then spill it out in a sentimental fashion in your work. It hits me.”

“If you don’t get out of here soon, I might just hit you…” the painter muttered under his breath.

Jaehwan heard it though he hadn’t meant him to. He turned with an amused smirk on his face.

“I wonder who would win if we brawled. Who do you think Daniel would bet on? I’ve been meaning to ask this, since I wasn’t fully sure but what are you to Daniel? I understand that you were in some sort of off and on relationship since high school, that you couldn’t be together for some reason.”

“It wasn’t anything. We weren’t in a relationship. We’re friends.”

“Ah, so it was a physical thing. Friends with benefits? He’s a real hottie, right? I noticed before but you seem to have quite the huge vat of chemistry. My lens steamed up watching you guys kiss. Hmm, I wonder if I could photograph you two together again? This time for my own personal collection.”

Seongwoo grasped his sore throat as he choked on the air before stuttering, “C-come again? You don’t mean like…a shoot with us doing…”

Jaehwan nodded with a strangely innocent grin, considering what he was suggesting.

He answered with no shame, “Yeah. With you two doing it. I like the way that you guys look together. The hard and the soft. The burning passionate and the seemingly collected. The large and the small. Strong and delicate. Don’t you think you two have a really great aesthetic balance? I can imagine it.”

Feeling as if he were naked in front of a pervert, the brunette protectively wrapped his arms around his body.

“What the fuck, dude? Stop imagining us having sex, you pervert! You know, I was going to give you the benefit of the doubt because Daniel likes you and says you’re a good guy. But you seriously give me the creeps and I can’t approve of him dating a guy like you. He deserves better than someone who gets off seeing him kiss other guys. Don’t you think that’s weird? If you really liked him, you should be hurt and feeling insane with jealousy at the idea of him with another guy! You aren’t the person for Daniel. Break up with him. You can’t make him happy.”

The man obnoxiously scratched his chin with a doubtful look.

“Hmm. And you can? Why do you sound so sure? Because you feel jealous? Does feeling jealous mean that you love him? You think that you can make him happy then in my place? Because you’re good at sex? I wonder what you think of him. You pushed him away when he liked you and now you’re trying to get in the way of him having a real relationship, claiming you know what it means to truly love someone and that you can make them happy.”

“I never said that I can make him happy! I never said that I’m the right guy for him. But I can say that I was special to him, at one point. That what we feel, or felt, was real love. I do think that it’s right to feel jealous and want them for yourself if you like them. To me, Daniel is--! He’s--! He’s the only person I’ve ever loved.

I loved and love him so much that it drives me insane. I shouldn’t love him. I’m not good enough for him. We’re not right together and the world won’t let us be happy together if we try to date. We’re cursed like that. So, I hate the fact that I love him so much even though I know all of this.

It’s hopeless that I’m miserable and it’s because of him but even knowing that, that I should let him go, that he’s falling for someone else, that it’s what I should want for him because it’s what’s best I still love him to the moon and back. It fills me up to the brim and overflows no matter what I try and do to keep my mind off of it.

My feelings for him fill my heart up fully so there’s never been any room for anyone else. I try to delude myself that I can love someone else eventually but no one makes me feel that way. No one can compare to that person. But it never works! It’s so frustrating.

I hate myself, I hate my life, I hate living like this, being a total hypocritical miserable mess. I’ve thought of just ending my life, feeling like I didn’t deserve to go on, but I can’t because HE exists. Because seeing, talking, being with him makes me feel happy to be alive. Because I love him this ridiculously much, I am like this and I detest it, but also because I love him so desperately so I’m still surviving every day.

Can you swear that you love him like that? Do you have the confidence that someday you will? If you do, then I’ll disappear from his life and leave him to you. You try your best to make him happy and I’ll slink off into the shadows to die in my own misery and self-hatred and regret. Because you have the best man in the universe who I’ve likely stupidly lost because I couldn’t be honest and brave. And you better make him happy and not be a weird pervert and give him the normal relationship he was robbed of because he liked someone terribly fucked up like me. Or I swear, I will make you suffer!”

_“And you better make him happy and not be a weird pervert and give him the normal relationship he was robbed of because he liked someone terribly fucked up like me. Or I swear, I will make you suffer!”_

Daniel’s smile split across his handsome face, from strawberry tinted ear to ear. He couldn’t stop himself from giggling. He was blissfully happy. Jaehwan sat across him, the phone playing the recording he’d took on the table between them. He had his arms crossed, watching the redhead curiously with a similar smug grin.

Their plan had been more successful than they had imagined. It hadn’t taken long to get the freak out and confession that he’d wanted from Seongwoo. Much less than he’d expected. Daniel wondered if Seongwoo was weakened in his old age or possibly Jaehwan had an amazing ability to get under anyone’s skin, even the ice prince that had more pride than a lion.

“Finally, he says what he really feels. Do you know how many years I’ve waited to hear that he loves me, Jae? It’s been nearly a decade.”

“Well, he seems serious. Like I never saw someone look so crazy. He was on the verge of murdering me. Maybe I should have demanded more compensation. I never dreamed that you were in love with a psycho.”

Daniel laughed brightly, holding his phone which had Seongwoo’s picture on the front with fondness. He looked at it with a sweet smile, brushing over his crush’s handsome face.

“He’s not psychotic. He’s just a sensitive soul that feels things deeply and been backed up for years. His pride and the fact that he cares and thinks too much is the issue. You know, he just wants what’s best for me and he thinks that he’s the worst thing that ever happened in my life. He pretends not to know of my feelings, thinking that if he ignores them long enough that I’ll give up. But once he thought that I almost gave up, he goes ballistic like this. Because that’s when he realizes just how much he doesn’t want to give me up. How strongly he feels and wants me for himself. He’s a slightly messed up kid.”

“Yeah, no kidding. That’s so complicated.”

“Yeah, it’s more complicated than you can imagine. We’ve got our reasons. But it’s a really long story that we agreed not to tell anyone about unless it was absolutely necessary. There’s a reason that we have difficulty being officially together, just know that.”

Jaehwan held up his hands, backing away with a disagreeable expression. “I think I’d rather not know. I’ve already got a headache. That was a bunch of shouting. He’s got some serious vocal abilities.”

“He sure does. I love his voice, but he refused to be a singer because he hates attention. Such a shame. He’d be famous in no time and then I could be his back-up dancer and we’d be together all the time, touring the world. Anyway. Isn’t he adorable?”

Jaehwan chuckled and shook his head in disbelief, not seeming like he could fully agree to that statement. “I don’t know about that. You’ve got some peculiar tastes. Well, he’s handsome and he’s talented. I’ll give him that.”

Daniel clicked his tongue, wagging his pointer finger.

“Eh, you just don’t understand good quality man, Jae. Seongwoo’s the best catch. He’s incredibly charming. You haven’t gotten to know him. He sort of showed you his worst. But even at his worst, I think he’s the greatest, so cute when he’s angry like this. He’s so adorable I could just bite this phone right now.”

Jaehwan scrunched up his nose as the other pretended to bite his phone with a cringeworthy ‘ang’ sound. “You sicko. You’re the sort to get a joy out of teasing him, aren’t you? That’s why you suggested this?”

The redhead beamed.

“Yup. I’m a sicko who is thoroughly enjoying teasing the hell out of my lover. It was worth it too. To see him passionate and mouthy like this. More than I hoped for. It seems he might be even crazier for me than I am for him. Here I always thought I was the more hopelessly whipped one. This little gift you brought me, Jaenie, flipped what I believed for a decade now. You better take care of my baby Zhang-ah though. I’m going to check up once a week.”

His friend smiled and bobbed his head, promising, “I will. I’ll be the best cat butler. I can give her more attention too since I’m always in the country and have no other pets.”

“You can’t throw her out, even if she scratches your camera. She’s family to you now. I’ll sick a rabid artist on you if you don’t treat her well.”

Jaehwan shivered. “No, don’t. I’d rather not see him again. Until you’re wedding day. Maybe by then he will have forgiven my part in the scheme and no longer hate my guts.”

“Hmm, maybe? My babe holds a grudge though and doesn’t forget easily. Trust me on that.”

“Seongwoo, you’ve got to listen to this song. It’s amazing.”

Daniel danced into Seongwoo’s studio two days after his fight with Jaehwan had happened. He was holding up a phone to his hear, insisting that he listen to something. There was no word for the level of irritated and tired Seongwoo felt at that moment. He was about to bash in Daniel’s head with the canvas he was working on. He slammed down his painter’s brush which splashed some yellow paint onto his apron that was mean for the sunflowers he was coloring in.

“Daniel, I don’t feel like listening to music. I’m already annoyed that you barged in here without permission, first of all. I was serious when I told you that I’m busy these days. I plan on holding an exhibition next weekend and thanks to your untimely visits and all this drama you’ve created, I’m behind. Secondly, you have miserable taste in music that’s totally the opposite of mine. I’ve never liked a single song that you have reco—”

Daniel smirked as he held up the phone to his ear. As he listened to the all-to-familiar voices in the recording, Seongwoo’s face gradually went from coral to scarlet. Then he was on rage mode, slapping the younger and attempting to snag the phone.

“Yah! You asshole! You had Jaehwan recording me? Was he a spy? Has this all been some sort of twisted joke? Stop fucking playing games with me. I know that I’m messed up and that I played games with you too. I know it was wrong and I did it anyway and I understand that you want to have revenge on me. But to get your new boyfriend in on it? To play with our feelings like that? You shouldn’t be messed up as well. You really need to stop learning bad things from me.”

Daniel pocketed his phone and ruffled the hair of the pouting, sulky man shooting him an accusing glare.

“Hyung, don’t you get it? I got Jae in on this with me because he’s just a friend. We weren’t dating. I still only like you. I just wanted to mess with you. Get you to finally admit your feelings.”

Seongwoo wacked him so hard in the chest that the taller man fell backwards. “Yah, don’t you lie to me! I can see right through you! You might have done this for your own amusement, but the feelings were there.”

“But they aren’t? I only have feelings for you.”

The elder argued, not backing down a bit with the younger’s impish grin, “Bullshit. The way you smiled! The way you laughed at everything he said! The way that you kept touching him as if you didn’t want to let him go for a second! You clearly like him.”

The redhead shrugged. “That was just acting. Haven’t you ever thought that I might be good at acting after all the years I’ve watched you pretend you weren’t all that into me? Hmm?”

He pressed his pointer finger to his forehead. Seongwoo slapped it away, the stuck his finger up to his nose as if he were scolding a dog.

“Stop joking around, Daniel! This is serious. Stop fooling around and delete that and go back to your boyfriend. Have a normal relationship and stop making my heart waver. I don’t want to be the wicked, home-wrecker, clingy sort of ex, thinking there’s some chance to be with you again when there isn’t. This all works out for the better. He’s a decent guy. At least a lot more than me.”

Daniel fished the phone out of his pocket and waved it with a smirk. “Hmm? Shall we play that again? You clearly implied that you love me more so you’re better here though? Now who’s lying?”

Seongwoo successfully grabbed the phone and tossed it across the room with a frustrated scream. Daniel got angry when he saw.

“Hey, that’s expensive and brand new! You can’t just throw things around like a child!”

Seongwoo scoffed, putting his hands on his hips. “Oh? I’M the child? Who is it playing games at nearly thirty years old?!”

The redhead sighed and ran his hands through his hair. Then, he answered with a soft, tired sounding tone.

“I’m not playing a game now, hyung. Believe me and stop living in denial already. I’m really nothing to Jaehwan and vice versa. I was just using him to get to you. All these years, my heart has only raced for one man and that’s you. I only want you.”

“Do you just eat bullshit for every meal? Believe me, I’m not living in denial and you need to knock off this game you’re playing. It’s not funny. Are you trying to two-time, is that it? You want to have a cake and eat it too? Because the thrill of fucking your ex-brother is too good to let go of completely? Or you think you can have me as insurance in case you break up so that way you won’t be lonely, and you’ll have a definite person to screw?”

“Hyung! How could you seriously think that all I’ve ever felt for you is purely physical? I told you that if I wanted someone just to have fun with that it wouldn’t necessarily have to be you. You’re such a pain in the ass with your emotional constipation, who would be crazy enough to have you as their only option? Please, for fuck’s sake, use your brain.”

“I’m not the one that doesn’t have a brain here! You can’t even see that you are still into me because of the thrill, thinking that your feelings were genuine. You grew bored of me and found someone else already. You won’t die without stuff from me. We can still be friends too. If you just admit that you’re messing with me and have a boyfriend right now.”

“Hyung, you’re so freaking ridiculous. Why’s it so hard for you to believe me? What is it that I have to do?” Daniel exclaimed as he expressed his frustration.

“I can’t believe you! Even if I want to! Because it’s dangerous. Because I’ll get hurt if it’s not true and things don’t go the way I wish.”

“And what is it that you wish?”

“That you were mine and only mine, okay? I wish that you’d dump that hamster and tell me that you love me and only me and this has all been a nightmare. I wish that we could just be together like normal. But it’s an impossible dream. It can’t happen.”

“Why not hyung? Why is it impossible? Why can’t it happen? Why are you always making things more complicated than it needs to be? Stop thinking so much, for once in your life. You love me. I love you. We’re not related by blood. We speak the same language. We sometimes live in the same city. We get along and we know everything about each other. Our chemistry is off the charts. Why can’t we date? Like normal people? Give me a reason.”

“Because. Because…Fuck, I don’t know, Daniel. I just don’t know anymore. My mind is a mess.”

“If you can’t give me a solid reason why we can’t date, hyung, in three seconds, then we are. And I’m going to kiss the daylights out of you. As your boyfriend. Understand? Three, two, one…”

“Yah, don’t you dare. I need more time to think. I told you that my mind is a mess right—hmm…hmmm…”

They’d been childishly pushing each other and marking each other’s faces with paint as their frustrations with each other escalated—a scene that brought up memories of their old arguments and pranks. It was nostalgic and rather comical, though their shouting voices probably seriously disturbed the customers in the café below and cost him some profits that day.

All their anger and irritation faded as soon as their lips met and their bodies connected. Daniel held his paint smeared face with more strength and heat then normal, kissing him passionate but more emotional than rough and sensual. It was a kiss that exposed his deep feelings of love towards the brunette.

Seongwoo couldn’t deny or turn a blind eye anymore. He had no choice but to believe and face the consequences of accepting Daniel’s mutual feelings for him would bring. They were going to be dating after this and it was the start of the scariest, riskiest event in his life. But at that moment it felt like the happiest, greatest irrational decision that he could ever make.

He bravely embraced the feelings and the new idea he finally wasn’t running from in all these years of this cat-mouse game they’d been unintentionally playing as he physically embraced his boyfriend’s strong back. He wrapped his arms around his waist and pressed up snugly, wanting desperately to be as close to Daniel in every part of his body that he could be in that moment. Daniel continued kissing him deeply and holding his neck so that he couldn’t get away. However, Seongwoo wasn’t at all trying to. He surrendered fully, kissing back with eagerness and enthusiasm.

The phone was buzzing. The two serenely cuddling on the couch studio—now with their faces and hands wiped of paint smears--looked over at it absently, their hands linked and heads pressed together.

“Are you going to get that?”

Seongwoo raised up his groomed, dark brow in a challenging manner. “It’s the guy I just started seeing. You saw him before. He’s probably going to ask about when I’m free. What should I do about it?”

Daniel grazed their noses together and pressed their lips together in a light peck. “You can do whatever it is that you want, hyung. I was messing around with you earlier. Of course, if you don’t want to officially date me, then I’ll understand. But it’s the truth that I’m not dating anyone, and I really do love you. You and only you, always. With all my heart and soul. No matter who you date for how long, I don’t think it’s going to change at this rate. I’ll keep being faithful, since I’m one-track minded.”

Seongwoo looked over his face with a blank expression, gently caressing his fluffy cheek and sharp jawline. Not a bone in his body felt like getting up to answer that call. He hardly recalled that guy’s face and he knew that there was no hope for them. There was no hope for anyone, in fact. Because no-one could replace Daniel. And now Daniel was within his reach, sincerely expressing his feelings and giving him the option to choose.

Did he take the risk at being happy for the time being until something happened that might ruin their relationship or did he run away and never feel happiness with anyone at all, never experiencing what it was like to be in a normal, serious relationship with someone he cared about? He’d already been brave once today, so maybe if he kept trying in the future, it would be easier.

Daniel’s face flashed with disappointment as Seongwoo reached for the phone. “Well, he’s rich. So, I should at least drag him along for a couple more days. Don’t you think?”

Usually Daniel would have laughed, but he couldn’t this time. His brow furrowed and he scowled, looking a bit upset but trying to hide it by turning it into a joke.  


“Of course, to use and abuse a poor soul for your own benefit is your choice. Anyone who’s handsome is a heart-breaker, I guess. Just like my mother warned.”

Seongwoo chuckled as he snuggled back into Daniel’s arms head under his chin and held the phone up to his ear. Daniel held him but remained stiff, glaring at the flowers he’d been using as a reference during painting.

“Hello?”

“Hey! You finally answered. How’ve you been Seongwoo?”

“I’m good. I’m assuming you are?”

“Well, no not really. I’ve been missing you and trying to get ahold of you for a second date. But you’ve seemed to have gone off the grid. When are you free? Let’s go out again.”

“Ah, about that…I don’t think I can…Actually, I’d rather not meet you in the future. Sorry to have to put it so bluntly like this. I guess you don’t take hints easily. Well, your type are usually to focused on yourselves to…”

The mon on the line sounded dejected. “Why not? Did something come up? Or did I do something wrong?”

“The reason is actually that I’ve found someone. Someone I want to be serious with for the rest of my life. Someone that drives me nuts. We fight all the time. Our parents will probably not approve of us dating.

Overall, it’s a dangerous risk and I’m a total fool to be with him knowing it might not end well and will be full of hardships possibly. But I just can’t help it. I’m hopelessly in love with him so that reasoning and running away from my feelings don’t work. It took me a decade, but I’ve realized something important you should know too. The heart wants what it wants. I hope that you find someone that your heart wants even when your mind knows it’s foolish, Sanghoon-ssi. Goodbye.”

“Neh? Seongwoo-ssi. It doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship is in your future with that person. Maybe you should reconsider. Do you need someone to talk to? Let’s meet up and—”

They never heard the rest of it. The one throwing his phone this time was Daniel. Seongwoo winced as it thumped on the floor and pouted.

“Hey. Maybe it’s not as pricy as yours, but it’s still a decent phone and it’s more delicate than yours. What do you think you’re doing just tossing it like a damn baseball? If it breaks, then—”

“Then I’ll buy you a new one. Baby. Cus I love you enough to do that. Every time that a guy calls you besides me, I’m gonna throw it. So, no more promiscuity or flirting or special friends. Cut them all off and look only at me from now on. That’s my only condition. You can stamp on my heart in other ways but I won’t be allowing anymore guys between us. I absolutely refuse to share you from today on. I don’t do threesomes, whatever Jae made you think.”

Seongwoo smirked, pleasantly surprised by the hug and being tossed back on the couch. Daniel pinned him, his hand going into his sweater around the messy apron to caress his smooth flesh. He shivered and bit back a moan as a rush of heat went through him. He could feel Daniel’s large erection on his thigh already and it aroused him in seconds.

He wanted the other something fierce, even knowing he was supposed to be doing something and he considered doing it in the studio as sacrilege because then he’d be turned on during his work hours thinking of it whenever he saw the couch or wherever they did it. Somehow though he knew he was too impatient and desperate to be taken by his lover again and wash away all these lingering nasty feelings to move to his bedroom.

“Okay. Whatever you want, I’ll do it. Jagiya. Because I also love you. Way more than you could even imagine.”

Daniel paused in nuzzling and biting his jawline to look him square in the face. ‘That’s exactly what I want to hear, god damn you’ve made me the happiest man in the world’ was written on his face before the redhead attacked him fiercely. Seongwoo moaned as he ravaged his mouth with wild abandon, his fingers playing his nipples like a keyboard, making the other man’s beautiful pitch rise.

“Da..ni…el…ah…goo…d…fu…ck…haa…”

Daniel had moved to his neck and started sucking, one hand palming the lump in his pants while the other twisted his swollen bud.

“Oh, please, Niel…I need you now…”

“Not in the mood for foreplay today, huh? Alright, you impatient kitty. I’ll take care of you quick and hard then.”

“Yeah, sounds good, hmm…” Seongwoo turned his head and pressed his hand over his mouth to muffle his excited pants as Daniel unbuttoned his pants, unintentionally tickling his waist. “Ah!” he yelped, then whimpered and shivered as Daniel tore the pants to his knees, his hot fingers tickling his skin.

The redhead licked his crooked lips while grazing his exposed front, flushed face, and starry eyes with appreciation. “Wow, you’re so sensitive today. And look at how hard you are. Hmm, gotta get a taste of that lolly…”

“Oh god, how embarrassing…Ah! Niel! Fuck!”

Seongwoo had his face covered in shame so he was taken aback by Daniel jumping on his cock like he was starving. He sucked enthusiastic and forcefully with crude, erotic slurping noises. Seongwoo was embarrassed yet couldn’t help but watch the steamy scene of his boyfriend servicing him between his pants and bunched up apron, spreading his thighs as far as the attacked fabric would allow him.

Daniel growled with annoyance and tugged at the fabric getting in the way of allowing him to lay down between his quivering legs properly. Seongwoo helped him get them off by pulling and kicking, nearly as impatient. He sighed with relief, turning into an enticing, soft moan of pleasure as his thighs wrapped around his shoulders and crossed behind his back. Daniel raked his hands greedily along his smooth legs and pulled him up to thrust deeper into his mouth from a different angle. Seongwoo arched his back and pressed his hands to the sofa in order to propel off it, rocking his hips into the other’s hot mouth as he sank to the base with a hard suck.

“Oh…yes…so good…” he whimpered, eyes fluttering closed, enjoying the vibrating, wet, warm sensations to the core.

Daniel inserted two fingers coated in his own saliva and started to pump at a steady rhythm that matched the bobbing of his head. Seongwoo melted into a gasping, moaning, shaking mess, begging him for more and to never stop. When he’d nearly reached the ultimate peak of paradise, Daniel’s mouth was gone abruptly. The brunette whined and pouted, shooting him a look of contempt. The redhead was on his knees, hands on his fly, wearing a sheepish smile, his eyes hazed over with desire.

“I want to get you from inside. Let’s get there together today.”

“Oh…Sure. That makes sense. It’s our first time as an official couple. I guess we should attempt to make it romantic, make it memorable. As much as we can, considering where we ended up…”

Seongwoo giggled, gesturing at the studio walls. Daniel chuckled, then dropped his pants to his knees, his member massive, leaking, and raring to go for a ride.

“Yeah.”

“Oh, yeah….” Seongwoo murmured appreciatively while gazing at his groin and licking his lips hungrily. “I missed that part of you.”

“The most?” he teased with a wicked grin, rubbing it along the other’s smooth, creamy thigh.

Seongwoo shivered, pressing his hips up as the member was brought closer to the center, wanting to connect with it desperately in the most intimate fashion. His teeth gnawed on his lips and his breath became uneven.

“Not the most, but it’s certainly near the top of the list.”

“Good to know. It missed you too. Especially, being deep inside of you.”

“Fuck, Niel. I’m going to die from want at this rate. Just give it to me already.”

“Are you hungry for dick?”

“Starving.”

“Hot sausage coming right up then, sir. In just a moment.”

Once Daniel was inside, Seongwoo wrapped around him like a koala, trying to get as close as possible. He bit into his neck, but it hardly could contain his grateful, enthusiastic moans. Likewise, Daniel was feeling exquisite. Being joined felt better than he remembered from weeks ago somehow. It was different when Seongwoo was officially his and he knew that he never had to share with another man ever again. He half-swallowed back his thick groan and nibbled playfully on the other’s ear as he pressed in deep, staying flexed.

“So much for being romantic. We’re already dirty talking.”

The sound of Seongwoo’s giggle was sweet and addicting. “I guess not everything will change with us.”  
“I hope that there isn’t much that does. Actually, you and us, we’re perfect as we are. Besides the status of our relationship and that we can both openly admit how we feel about each other, I wouldn’t voluntarily change a thing.”  
Seongwoo snorted, lapping at the wound he’d inflicted on his neck. “More dysfunctional.”

Daniel nuzzled his cheek and moved along until their noses were bumping, his eyes drifted closed in a small, stolen moment of peace. “But it’s a beautiful sort of dysfunctional that somehow works in its own crazy way.”

“Hmm, yeah you’re right. Speaking of crazy. If you don’t get moving soon, I have to apologize in advance for the sort of crazy things I might do to you out of pure sexual frustration.”

A light smack on his hip made the redhead’s eyes popped open. He smirked, hazel eyes twinkling.

“Alright, alright. You addicted pervert. Your boyfriend’s gonna get to work soon.”

The brunette with twilight colored eyes peeking out from a fan of wispy lashes ordered brattily, “You better make me feel good. After that stupid incident you pulled. You owe me.”

It was Daniel’s turn to snort and roll his eyes, playfully slapping his pert behind. “I’m pretty sure that you owe me way more, if you want to go there. I only played the game one round while you played a year’s worth.”

Seongwoo snickered with a mischievous, enticing look. “Ah, that’s right. I did that. I’ve been a naughty boy. So, what will you do?”

“Punish you severely,” the redhead growled, then dived down, biting into the flesh of his neck that wasn’t marked yet, a second later snapping his hips as fast and hard as he could go.

Seongwoo clutched the back of the sofa and squeezed his legs around his waist, holding on for dear life. The high-pitched cries bounced off the walls of the small studio, combining with the rays of afternoon sunshine streaming in to bath over their writhing, tangled bodies on the beige sofa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you weren’t expecting the happy ending of this chapter, considering the angsty title and summary hehe. I was hoping to make it a pleasant surprise. Basically this is the original ending of the story I had planned when I first considered writing. I will have an epilogue though that ties back to the first part of the story though, involving their parents. 
> 
> We’re almost at the end. Hope you liked the finale. My twist from the original is that Jaehwan and Daniel dating was all a scheme planned to get Seongwoo to confess through his blind jealousy. Master manipulators and little evil devils. But Seongwoo will forgive them over time, since in the end, he really needed that. He was finally able to reveal his feelings and be brave and act on his heart instead of his brain all the time. He was able to officially get the man that he always wanted, the first love he could never forget or get over throughout all the years he tried. 
> 
> I hope this romantic, sweet spin is similar to what the author has in mind for the original webtoon. Honestly I have no idea where it’s going with the second season thus far. But I hope that it would be this way, which is why I wrote it. Put my hopes and positive vibes in the universe. Please author of Love Or Hate, please let those brothers be together and happy someday. They’re so cute and sweet together as dysfunctional and complex as their relationship is, I just love their dynamic as I put in this story as well, fighting one moment, making out and acting like boyfriends, the push and pull between them. Joowon seems to love Heesoo so much and Heesoo, really you're going to make him get together with the person that he is using and is using him when there's faithful, loving Joowon right there? I'll find your address and slap you around lol. Sorry, just I don't like the other guy and his relationship with Heesoo isn't that healthy either. He seems like an untrustworthy sleaze to me. 
> 
> Anyway, support the manga, it’s more messed up and angsty than this story but the art is beautiful, it’s interesting, and it’s not predictable! Thank you for reading up through the finale. See you in a week or so hopefully for the final chapter. My life has become quite busier these days though, so it could be late, maybe on the weekend instead of on Friday. If you’re curious about update times, follow me on Twitter: @NuuGuSeYONG
> 
> <3 Raina


	7. The Risk Was Worth It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some wins in life are worth gambling for. If you're brave enough to take the risk, even willing to lose it all. To Daniel, Seongwoo is worth losing everything because he will gain everything that's important and necessary to keep living happily. But, to Seongwoo, is being with Daniel worth all the bad things that could happen?

**Spring 2020**

“Is there something in particular you’re looking for?”

“I’m a painter. I’m debating on what flowers to draw next. Orchids? Roses? Dahlias? What do you think is more romantic?”

“I guess roses would be. Romance and roses usually go together. Especially red ones, when a handsome man bites them. Like so. Dah-dah!”

Seongwoo turned and giggled. The short, golden haired man who was the flower shop owner was biting the middle part of the rose stem he was presenting to be sold. He appreciated the sense and creativity of this marketing tactic.

“Cute,” he admitted. “It does look more appealing that way.”

He might be taken now, but he didn’t think there was any harm in being honest. An attractive person was attractive. Facts were facts. He wasn’t committing a crime by calling an honestly cute person cute. Or flirting a little. He sort of missed that.

The artist once had been an expert at flirting but now his skills went to waste because Daniel was whipped if he just looked at him for two seconds, no matter what kind of mood he was in or if they’d been spending an entire weekend. He hardly had to make efforts because his boyfriend was that much in love with him.

It had its ups and its downs (mostly ups, of course). Since it’s what he’d wanted for decades. However, it was still normal to miss what you had once been your comfort-zone norm.

“Well, you’re pretty rather than cute. Pretty enough to be a flower in my shop. Would you like to get a cup of coffee? If you’re not busy…”

The blonde turned bashful then, adorably scratching the back of his neck with the rose stem. Seongwoo smiled slightly, then hesitated. He bit the center of his lip instead.

“Ah, I’d love to, but you should know. Actually, I’m…”

“Happily spoken for. Sorry but this lovely rose is already sold-out. I bought the one and only.”

Daniel appeared out of nowhere like some sort of ninja, pulling him swiftly away a decent distance and shielding him like a bodyguard. Seongwoo stepped forward, refusing to be some protected damsel. He stood next to him but kept their arms linked since it was comfortable and pleasant. He snorted, playfully bumping his boyfriend who was flashing their silver couple ring.

“Saying that you bought me is going too far, jagiya. That sounds wrong. You could be reported to the police that way.”

The light warning fell on deaf ears. The short and tall men, both with similar bulky builds and fluffy faces still full of their baby fat were busy sizing each other up not at all subtly.

“Ah, so you have a boyfriend already? Sorry. I didn’t mean to offend.”

“There’s no offense,” Seongwoo insisted with a kind smile towards the suddenly pale, grief-stricken man who had lost the stare down.

Daniel continued to look threatening and irritated like a growling, massive Samoyed hovering over a Pomeranian, scaring the much shorter man who dared to hit on his boyfriend. The shop owner cowered in fear, picking some roses and holding them up as a shield or a cover as Daniel full on glared at him.

“I’m offended.”

Seongwoo bumped him and offered the shop owner a sweet smile that rivaled Daniel’s nastiness. “He’s not really offended. Merely a bit jealous. Don’t worry about it, mister.”

“I gravely apologize. How about I give you these for free? How many would you like?”

“Six should be fine.”

The brunette rolled his eyes in exasperation, on the cusp of laughing at the situation his mischievous and cunning boyfriend was expertly manipulating. “Daniel, really. We should pay. Stop messing with the poor man.”

“We don’t need to pay, do we? If you give us these for free, sir, we’ll consider your terribly offensive grievances as non-existent and pleasantly go our separate ways.”

Daniel was smiling but it was cold and menacing. Seongwoo was flabbergasted but amused and slightly flattered. He liked those times when men dared to hit on him and Daniel got all territorial and irrationally jealous. It reminded him of how much he was loved, and it also was entertaining.

Daniel looked seriously cute when he was jealous. Like a puppy growling over his favorite chew toy though the people passing by weren’t all that interested in stealing it from him.

He lightly brushed his boyfriend’s back, giving him a gentle, calming look that suggested ‘that’s enough harassment, Niel, I’m not going to run off with him, I’ve got you after all, the only person I’ve ever truly wanted, remember?’.

Daniel finally eased up and smiled sheepishly, eyes apologizing for being an overbearing brute.

“I didn’t mean to lead him on, you know. I thought he was cute biting the rose and it just slipped out without much thought. I was about to explain that I was taken. Honest,” he commented in a subtle way of apology.

Daniel smelled the roses that he was holding and then let him smell them. “I know. As long as you feel guilty and we got something out of it, then it’s all in the distant past now. I really should marry you and bring you traveling with me. It’s worrisome to leave you in Korea with all these bold, interested men. I can hardly sleep thinking what sort of trouble that handsome face of yours is causing.

Can you get surgery to be uglier? For your boyfriend’s sense of security and sanity as well? That handsome face isn’t really good for my own heart either, now that I think about it. Especially your bare face when you first wake up. Now that’s a killer sight.”

Seongwoo chuckled and gave him a patronizing look. “You know both of those things are impossible. Getting married is way too fast. Although we’ve known each other for nearly ten years, we haven’t been in a relationship that whole time. In those terms, our relationship is a baby. It needs to time to grow properly. To be pampered and trained. Or it will become spoiled.”

Daniel scoffed, hazel eyes sparkling. “I will admit that I am a puppy. I’ll allow you to train me, Master. And you can put a collar on me even if you wish. So, let’s get married, Master.”

Seongwoo scrunched up his nose, then smiled. “That’s an idea. But even then, no to marriage.”

“But Master~ I mean, baby~ Why not? Let’s get married, hmm, please, marry me~ I’ll be a good husband. I’ll do all the chores and buy you lots of gifts.”

Seongwoo sighed, it coming out heavier than he’d intended. Actually, some things about Daniel hadn’t changed and it made him a bit exhausted to deal with. Daniel was still immature, still a dancer, and still flying in and out of the country on a regular basis. There were still promises that he didn’t always keep. There were still days where he didn’t contact him or ignored his messages, though it wasn’t intentional, it was that he was sincerely busy with his job.

What had changed more so in their relationship that made things work the last year was Seongwoo’s attitude. His personality had changed naturally once he was no longer feeling insecure and anxious anymore. Now when Daniel had to be away for performances, Seongwoo fully trusted him not to disappear or fool around with someone else and he looked forward to whenever he would contact him.

At least most of the time he did say where he was leaving to and when he was going to be home in advance (they lived together to maximize their time together when Daniel was in Korea and save on the costs of rent). Sometimes, like today, when and where he was going to reveal himself after his plane arrived, however, was kept a secret so that they could have that blissful pleasant surprise moment. Daniel didn’t believe even now in telling him his full schedule because he thought that surprises and mystery kept the spark alive longer and Seongwoo couldn’t deny that it did.

He’d finally managed to grow used to it instead of always feeling frustrated. Someday he’d see him again and he had some idea now what the other was doing when he was away, so he was overall less on edge. When Daniel was gone, he’d focus more on painting than usual, waiting excitedly for his boyfriend to show his handsome face. Though this time had been ruined because he’d thoughtlessly flirted with the flower shop owner. Talk about a bad time for his inner rebel to kick in.

“That childish side of you never changes. When are you going to learn that being impulsive causes the biggest damages in life? We should be rational and think it over.”

“Hey, now. If we had been rational, we’d still be in that weird benefits relationship we had going. That was _your _rational idea, smarty pants, and it was a mess.”

Seongwoo argued back, mimicking his naggy tone, “Hey, I’ll have _you _remember it was an _organized_ mess. It was working totally fine. Until you decided to show up with a photographer you bribed to be your boyfriend.”

“And it worked out exceptionally, didn’t it? My impulsive idea cleared up our mess. And now you couldn’t be happier. I know you regret all those years and the random people you slept with trying to get over me.”

Seongwoo slapped away the finger that was tickling his armpit. If only he could wipe off that irritating, smug smirk off so easily.

While lifting his chin high, he argued, “They weren’t totally random. Not all of them.”

Daniel shrugged, then teased the stubborn elder, acting nonchalant. “Ah, do you miss them, hyung? Is that why you’re not willing to show me off? Are you afraid of commitment or is it that you want to keep the possibility of back-ups around? If you want to be a swinger, that’s fine. But I’m gonna be with people too. Some gorgeous models come to those after concert parties, you wouldn’t believe--”

“You better not. Don’t even joke about cheating! I hate cheaters!” the brunette ordered sharply, slapping his arm and making it sting.

“But you were basically cheating on me for years?” Daniel pointed out with his brow raised.

“We weren’t dating. That’s different!” the other insisted, now becoming more greatly flustered.

“And just whose fault was that? You commitment phobia.”

“I don’t have commitment phobia. I’m glad to spend the rest of my life with you and only you. I don’t care about those others. I don’t even think or talk to them. You know that.”

“Then, prove it. If you aren’t embarrassed about me, then post up a photo on your Instagram of us. Doing something that shows we’re in a relationship. It’s been a whole year, Seongwoo hyung, and we have nothing. Zip. Nada. ZERO. I’m basically a ghost in your life, according to your followers. They probably think I’m dead because your ‘supposed’ closest friend never shows up on your Instagram anymore. Don’t you think it’s a bit unfair and ridiculous? Just how much longer are you going to hide—”

Seongwoo wiped away the pout on his plump lips with a peck. He smiled and responded with a soft, understanding tone.

“Alright. Alright, that’s enough. You’re right. You’re absolutely right. We should be open about it since we’re serious. I’m sorry. I was just being paranoid because of my mother.”

“Why? They’re bound to find out eventually. But does your mom use SNS much? My father hardly uses it.”

“I don’t think she does often. It’s probably fine. Her reaction honestly makes me fairly nervous. She might tell your father too, because they still talk. They’ll probably give us the fifth degree and scold us about if it’s the right decision and do we know what we’re doing. Well, we’ll deal with it when it comes. Come here, let’s take a photo then, this stubborn, adorable mutt of mine. Let’s abruptly announce our relationship to the world in a way that can’t be questioned any longer.”

Seongwoo snaked his arm around the taller man’s neck and pulled him down so their faces were close, holding up his phone with the camera turned towards them. Daniel and Seongwoo made a heart together with their combined hands, Seongwoo surprising Daniel with a kiss on the cheek, making Daniel’s smile weaken and squeal.

After taking the picture, Seongwoo put a filter on it with a bunch of hearts and sparkles. He uploaded it without hesitating to his Instagram and captioned it ‘this is the definition of happiness, out on a beautiful day with my man.’

Daniel hugged him from behind and rested on his shoulder as they stared at the post. It was adorable and it filled them with pride and relief. It felt like a weight off their shoulders to proudly put it out in the online universe that they were together. Something so simple had taken then a nearly impossible to count number of years. Though most of their friends already knew that because they weren’t keeping it secret in the least, not in person anyway.

“Don’t you feel better?”

“Hmm. I do. It’s nice. I’m glad we did that. That you pushed me to. You always know what’s best for me and how to push my stubborn buttons the right way to make me do it.”

Daniel kissed his cheek while Seongwoo fondly rubbed his smooth face.

“And there’s no issue coming out to bite us in the butt. Your mom is too busy to check SNS regularly and she calls you to check on what you’re up to regularly, so she has no reason to stalk your Instagram. You worried your pretty head for no necessary reason, as usual. See?” the younger bragged.

Seongwoo looked down at the phone again, his smile warm and breezy. “Yeah, I guess so.”

They both gasped and then groaned a moment later. Seongwoo’s mother had just liked their photo and then commented, ‘Exactly what is this I’m seeing? When did my Seongwoo get a new boyfriend? And that certainly looks like Daniel unless my eye-sight is worsening. Hmm? Call me and tell me all about this. Soon. Darling’

Daniel pocketed the phone because Seongwoo was in a state of shock and risked dropping it. Then he wrapped his arm around the lithe man burying his head in his jacket like a cold kitten.

“Shit. She saw. She seems angry. I should not have listened to you. You jinxed it, Niel. Fuck, you and that big mouth of yours. Never does us any good outside the bedroom. What do we do?” he whined, distressed, airy voice muffled in his sweater.

Daniel rubbed the back of his head and kissed his temple, feeling guilty and worried as well. “We’ll just have to tackle it head on when we meet her, I guess. We’ll figure something out. We always do. Most important is now we’re on the same page. Right?”

Seongwoo nodded, squeezing him close, then kissed his neck. “Yes. It’s different than back then. I won’t run away anymore or let her split us up. I refuse to break up with you, no matter if they disapprove for whatever reason, even if it’s perfectly logical. Nothing’s going to keep us apart anymore. I chose love over logic and I’m loving every moment of it. I have no regrets taking the risk and choosing you. You’re more than worth challenging my comfort zone.”

Daniel chuckled and scratched his hair with affection, his smile huge and proud. “That’s my hyung. Hmm, don’t worry so much. Things will be alright. I’m here by your side. We’ll tackle all these problems together. I love you.”

The elder sighed softly, snuggling close and feeling comforted by his husky voice and large, warm, solid body. “And I love you. Thank you for being such a sweetheart.”

“I’ve got to be sweet to cover all your bitterness and spice, don’t you think?” the younger teased lightly as his hand dropped to his nape and squeezed, warming him more than any scarf in the world could.

As he’d hoped, Daniel’s joke had lightened up the atmosphere and cheered up Seongwoo. He lightly punched his abs which made them hard and pressed back as if they had a fighting spirit of their own.

“You brat. You didn’t dare just call me bitter. I’m mishearing things, aren’t I? You wouldn’t have the stupidity to insult your hyung, I’m sure.”

Later that night, in the midst of cooking some pasta and grilling some steak together, Seongwoo’s mother called. It was because Seongwoo hadn’t yet responded to her comment or called her. She was impatient to talk to them surely but Seongwoo was terrified and wishing to avoid the issue as long as possible. Daniel was back after two weeks and he’d had a romantic plan for their first night together which didn’t involve family related problems.

“Answer it, baby. We can’t just push it off forever. It’s rude to ignore your mother. Hmm?” Daniel lightly chided, sliding over to kiss and then nibble the top of his ear which he often did to distract during their hobby time.

Seongwoo sighed, flashing him pleading, pathetic kitten eyes like ‘do I have to? Can you talk to her fore me?’ Daniel chuckled, reading him loud and clear. He bumped his hip playfully, then moved towards the flashing phone.

“Fine. Always making me do the dirty stuff, I see. Such a Princess Peach sort of thing to do.”Seongwoo smiled, both grateful and apologetic as Daniel answered the phone. He chewed on the end of the wooden spoon, observing the other’s expression nervously.

“Hello, ma’am. Yes, it’s Niel. I’m great. Yes, I’m in Korea. I’m with Seongwoo right now. At his place. Yes, that’s right. We’re living together. It’s been about a year now. We were just cooking dinner, but we’re almost done. No, you’re not interrupting anything. We’ve been hoping to hear from you. You want to talk to him? Sure, I’ll pass it along. We can catch up some other time. Here’s your precious son.”

Seongwoo lightly shook his head, looking terrified, attempting to back away but it was a dead end. After he’d cornered the brunette, Daniel held his hand over the receiver and gave him a reassuring, breath-taking smile.

“She’s not angry about it, I don’t think. Just talk to her. I’ve already spilled the worst of the beans. Hmm? You can do it. It might be just fine, even better than you thought was possible. Be strong, baby.”

Seongwoo eventually put down the spoon and held out his hand for the phone, looking reluctant. Daniel handed it to him and then continued grilling the steak while holding his free hand and squeezing lightly to give him comfort. It was adorable how Seongwoo was actually shivering. The thing that Daniel possibly loved the most about his first love was that sensitivity hiding under his cool, chic princely shell.

“Hi, mom. Let me just say, I’m sorry for lying and avoiding you and keeping this all secret. I just didn’t know how you’d take it and I didn’t want our relationship to be troubled because of that sort of pressure. It took us a long time to get to where we are. And I wanted the happy moments to last as long as possible…”

Seongwoo was prepared for a lashing, which was he blabbed out the speech he’d been preparing in his mind. He didn’t expect that there’d be a fangirl like squeal coming across the line that was completely uncharacteristic of his mature career woman of a mother.

“Seongwoo-yah, darling~ Congratulations! You finally have an official boyfriend! And it’s Daniel, huh? You have such excellent taste. I’m so happy for you. You should have told me about it. I love that this happened. It’s a happy event, not something you should hide. Shame on you for keeping this juicy, wonderful news from your mother.”

Seongwoo was baffled, blinking rapidly. “But mom…weren’t you against me being with Daniel before? You told me to forget him.”

“What? When?”

“Back in Incheon…”

“Oh, that?” She cackled. “I just meant that if it’s hurting you and you decide that you don’t love him, maybe it’s better if you forget about him and find someone else. For your sake. Because you were a broken robot back then. I was worried you were going to jump off a bridge any day if your emotions got any more chaotic.

Of course, I never disliked Daniel! Look at him. He’s kind, funny, handsome and he’s even sort of famous now. He’s put up with your brattiness for so many years even. I’m amazed. He’s such a good catch. He’s good for you, darling. He takes away your gloominess. He makes your rough edges soft. He makes you a better person. He doesn’t put up with your bullshit, he sees through your iciness, he melts it. He’s the perfect partner for you since he compliments you. How do you feel when you’re with him? Tell me honesty.”

Seongwoo glanced at the cooking man staying nearby in case he was needed. He shyly looked away, flushing and biting his lip. His stomach felt all warm and fuzzy from that sweet, domestic display.

“Like he makes me a better person. I feel like for the first time I don’t hate myself around him. I like myself better when I’m with him.” He looked up at Daniel and brushed his cheek. “I like me better when I’m with you,” he repeated, this time admitting it to him face-to-face because he felt it was something the other should know.

Daniel turned subtly his way, slightly surprised. Then he smiled softly and nodded, signaling either he knew or that he felt the same.

“Then that means he’s like your other half, honey. Daniel completes you. He’s the yin to your yang. If he makes you happy and you want to be with him, that’s all that matters to me anyway. I’ll fully accept your relationship and root for you.”

He smiled sincerely, a wave of relief rushing over him. Daniel smiled widely as well and brushed his back, sensing that it was news that caused them to celebrate with some strawberry champagne later.

“Thanks mom. Will you tell his dad?”

“I’d like to but it’s up to you guys. You should probably tell him yourself in person. The next time he comes to Korea we can have a gathering and you can subtly bring it up then. It’s right that he knows. I think that he will be cool about it all.

Just trust me on that. I know him better than anyone, don’t I? He’s not as conservative or dense as you think. With how often that Daniel visits Korea though he doesn’t have many friends there, I’m sure he already suspects that you two are exceptionally close. It’s not like he or I ever forbid you from meeting, you know.

If you two aren’t fighting, that’s great. We wanted that for you. Because that time when things were good, we noticed that you two were good for each other. You both had a positive influence on each other’s lives, though you did tend to get into mischief and cause more trouble. You’re not doing any bad things, are you?”

He laughed. “No, we’re abiding by the law. We stay out of trouble outside the house, I promise. You won’t be hearing from us from a prison anytime soon. We’re over that phase and get thrills other ways.”

“That’s a relief. As long as you make money and stay out of prison, you’re living well, I suppose. Be healthy and safe, darling. Keep doing an excellent job with the shop and your art. Ask me if you need anything. I’ll let you know when his father is available to meet up. Love you. Mmm-muah. Kiss for Daniel too please. A big one. I can’t wait to see that handsome gentleman soon.”

Seongwoo shyly kissed the phone though he hated that sort of thing because it was so childish and greasy. He said goodbye to his mother and set aside the phone. Daniel had been taking care of both dishes since he was able to use both hands dexterously. He turned and asked about what she’d said, though he seemed like he were asking more out of courtesy.

“She’s thrilled, it seems. She said she won’t tell your dad. She says if we want to, she can arrange a gathering in Korea when he’s next here. They’re supposed to have a meeting. She suggested we tell him that and that she thinks your father will be cool about it. That he already suspects that we’re strangely close since you come to Korea often and apparently have no friends here.”

“Ouch. That’s not totally true. I have some. But yeah, to be honest, my main reason is to come see you. My dad sort of knows about that. Like he knows that we’re in touch and close these past couple years. That our relationship improved. I don’t exactly hide things from him. Well, more like compared to you who is a clam, I’m a big mouth. Sometimes I just ended up talking about you because I thought he’d want to know about his other son and I sort of wanted to brag I guess. About how well you’re doing for yourself and how good you looked and such...”

“Ah, I see.”

“Are you upset?” The redhead asked with concern peeking through his shaggy bangs.

Seongwoo reached up to lightly brush them out of his face and shook his head with a small smile.

“Not at all. I think it’s cute that you bragged about me. You must have really liked me.”

“Tch. Yeah, I did. I was always the more blatantly whipped one. This pathetic guy will finish cooking your meal, your royal peachness, so you may go rest.”

Daniel’s grumpiness faded to a giddy laugh and foolish smile as Seongwoo planted a sweet, long kiss on his cheek.

“What’s that for?” he wondered, slightly flushed and pleasantly surprised.

“It’s from mom. She said to give you a kiss. I’m a filial son and so I transferred as requested.”

“Oh… I always did like her. Maybe because she was sweeter and more gracious than you and my dad ever were. Now she’s helping me get surprise kisses. Great woman, your mom. That’s where you get your charm from. Kinder and sweeter than I thought, but only to those you deem worthy.”

His expression changed abruptly, mouth cutely dropping wide open. “Ah, wait, we should call her back. I have to ask her something.”

“Sure, I can do that. She didn’t seem busy. What are you going to ask her?” Seongwoo wondered curiously as he licked the pasty sauce leftover on the spoon like a kid happily eating cake batter.

“I have to ask her for your hand, of course. We can’t get married without approval.”

“Yah! Don’t you even dare! Knock it off with this marriage nonsense! We’re not even thirty and we only dated a year!”

Daniel winced as Seongwoo whacked his denim covered butt several times with the back of the wooden spoon. It stung like a bitch.

“Hey! You better not have dirtied my pants with that! CK’s are dry clean only!”

Seongwoo tossed the spoon in the sink and left while brattily flashing his tongue at him. Daniel shut off the burner, prepared to chase him and give that punk a proper punishment for his attitude. Maybe putting him over his knee for a spanking and then ravishing him hard on top of the kitchen counter they’d yet to clean up of their cooking supplies. That sounded perfect.

“Yah, Ong Seongwoo, you little shit! Yeah, you better run while you still can!”

“Nice to see you again.” Seongwoo and Daniel bowed to their parents and greeted them before sitting down next to each other across the table at the small, private Thai restaurant.

Seongwoo’s mother was beaming, nearly bouncing on her chair with excitement. She had some silver streaks in her hair but otherwise she’d been aging exceptionally well.

“You both look great. So tall and handsome. Filled out and healthy. Wow, I didn’t realize that we raised natural models.”

Daniel’s father nodded. His silvery blonde hair was thinner but had yet to recede. He was as always dressed in a crisp suit, looking professional, suave, collected and stunning. It was easy to see where Daniel’s looks and charisma came from.

“Yeah, they really turned into visuals. Especially, your son. Wow, shouldn’t he be on TV?”

Daniel bragged, gesturing to him like he were art on display, “I keep telling him that he should be! Imagine how well his paintings would sell if he appeared on TV. It’s not every day that an artist is as handsome as a model. Just look at him, especially this majestic profile. Wah, one of a kind.”

Seongwoo covered his mouth as he shyly laughed. Daniel’s smile was the brightest of all, the slightly nervous tone earlier turning to one of pride and affection as he openly admired his picturesque, statue-like boyfriend.

“It would be dangerous for me though if he were to go on TV. Imagine the lines of suiters we’d have at his place every day.”

Seongwoo flushed and slapped his arm lightly. “Stop with the exaggerating, Niel.”

“It’s not an exaggeration though. It already happens at the café. You know, he gets asked out by half the customers there. I think many of them come just to stare at him not so secretly. They take photos and made a fan page for him.”

Seongwoo gasped. “They didn’t?”

The younger nodded, scowling like an aggravated dog. “There is. I’m half tempted to ask them to take it down, but well, the candid working photos are a nice addition to my collection and they don’t say anything creepy.”

Seongwoo rolled his eyes at the sound of a collection.

“Of course that’s how it is. You will spare my privacy as long as it’s for your own creepy personal gain.”

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to have pictures of the person that you love. Right, father?” Daniel commented breezily with a shrug.

The group went silent. Daniel’s father looked as if someone had just started clapping in his face. Taken aback and blinking rapidly.

“P-pardon?” he stuttered out hoarsely.

Confidently, Daniel repeated, “The person I love. We’re dating. You’re fine with that, right?”

Just like that, with one move and bold confession, the beans had been spilled. Daniel held Seongwoo’s hand and raised it up proudly so that the others could see. He was wearing a massive, exuberant grin as if this were another performance. Seongwoo appeared mortified and furious, as if he were a red balloon about to burst with tension.

“Sir…?” Seongwoo asked nervously as he watched the elder’s unreadable, paling face. “I’m sorry that he admitted it so abruptly. Really, you’re so thoughtless sometimes, Daniel. I told you bad things happen when you’re impulsive.”

The old man abruptly stretched his hand out over the table and waited until Seongwoo gulped and shakily put his hand in his, wondering if he was upset and about to crush his hand. Daniel’s father warmly grasped it, his face softening into a delighted one, his other hand rubbing and clapping the back of it. In a second, his entire expression changed drastically.

“I’m grateful that Daniel has such a sensible, suitable boyfriend like you and to have you back in our family. I immensely regretted losing such a fine, intelligent person who was a positive influence on my foolish, troublemaker son and someone to brag about. Even after the divorce, I thought of you often and I told people that my son painted the works in my office with great pride.”

“You…bought my paintings? I had no idea…”

The silvery frosted blonde nodded. Seongwoo’s mother explained with a wide smile as if she were thrilled to tell this secret that she had.

“I helped because I figured you’d be burdened by it or try to give it to him for free. You spend so much time on your work and so you deserve compensation. Actually, many of your buyers were people that he recommended to you.”

The elder man ensnared Seongwoo’s attention once more by patting on his hand.

“That’s not the important thing. The important thing is that you completely have my blessing. I’m happy for the both of you. There’s no need for you to be nervous or hide anything. It was something I suspected and was hoping for actually. Thank you for taking in my son. Please take care of him. If you need someone to help knock sense into him or keep him out of trouble, then don’t hesitate to call me.”

Seongwoo smiled softly and squeezed both his hand and Daniel’s that was casually resting on the table top with warmth. “I will. I’m the one that should be thankful. For giving Daniel life and for raising him to be such a great person. Though he might not look or think it. He’s my hero. I admire him and learn from him. He makes me a better person.”

“Aw, that’s so sweet. I’ve never seen you look this happy, darling. Thank you, Daniel. Thank you for fixing my robotic son and making him human again. I’m certain that his gloomy days are overwith since he has his own personal sunshine by his side. Come here, my lovely sons~”

Seongwoo’s mom gave them both a warm embrace and affectionate pats which made them tear up. It was a strange, touching feeling to be accepted so easily by the most important people in their lives besides each other.

“And you. Come here, you rascal.”

“Aw, Pops, come on now…”

Daniel scratched his head, appearing embarrassed by his father standing up and holding his arms wide open with a familiar radiant smile that made his eyes disappear. He was reluctant to return the embrace but surely would, knowing he’d be pushed by the others like when he was younger. Seongwoo smiled softly, realizing that they looked nearly identical when they did that. The pair of burly, towering men gave each other a long bear hug and thumped each other affectionately on the back at the edge of the table.

“I’m proud of you, my boy. You picked a great catch as your life partner. As long as you try your best to take care of him, then he will do the same and you will be happy for a long time. You have to cherish that person more than anything and if you’re meant to be, then it will go forever. Don’t be a workaholic always traveling the country and leave the one you love all alone.”

“Thanks for the advice, father. I understand. I’m going to figure it out. I won’t be a travelling back-up dancer forever. It might take some time, but I plan to have a stable job and settle down. In whatever country Seongwoo feels like. After we get married, that is.”

The pair were startled out of their hug and Seongwoo’s mother jumped in alarm. That was because Seongwoo had slammed his hand hard on the table, making a racket. Daniel started snickering, predicting what he was going to say and finding his temper-tantrum amusing. That was why he kept mentioning it. He found it funny how Seongwoo kept getting worked up and flustered at the mere mention of marriage. The adorably upset kitten glared at him and hissed out.

“I told you to stop talking about that! It’s not logically possible with our situation. Stop doing that to piss me off just because you think I’m cute or funny. I know that you understand and agree perfectly to what I said about that topic before.”

Daniel teased, sliding over to tickle his side. “What are you so prickly for? I wasn’t talking about right now. You’re too sensitive and uptight, babe. Loosen up and learn to take a joke already.”

Seongwoo grabbed his hand and twisted it, snarling, “How can I take that as a joke? Who knows what your impulsive ass is already planning. If I let it go, then you might take that as an agreement and next thing I know, I wake up at a wedding hall in a tuxedo!”

The redhead grinned. “Oh, how did you guess my genius plan already? I’m going to have to go to plan number two.”

“You better tell me what plan number two is. Or I’m not going to let you sit down.”

“You put your dirty shoes on my seat? Hyung, that’s rude. Just like you’re attempting to twist my arm off in public.”

The brunette who had his feet up on Daniel’s chair sassily stuck out his tongue. “Whatever. You have no right to call me rude. This jerk’s been rude from the first second that he opened his mouth to me, right? He’s got zero manners or class and he’s impulsive and impossible and never listens to boot.”

Daniel argued, “What world are you living in? You were rude to me first! You were the one that was on your phone all the time. You didn’t even notice that I was looking at you, you brat.”

“Clearly insulting someone when first greeting them is much ruder. Right, guys?”

“Okay, maybe I was the overall ruder one. But he was the one that started it by being on his phone. Aren’t I right?”

Their parents were now sitting down while the two men faced off, standing in the middle of the restaurant, their hands on their hips and their voices gradually raising.

“You’re the one that started the war though. I was just going to ignore your existence but _you _and to go pushing my buttons. We could have lived a decent first few months if you hadn’t picked a fight.”

“Hyung, _you’re_ definitely the one that was first picking a fight. You really don’t remember how much of a bitch you were as a teenager? You had next to no friends!”

Their parents rather than looking concerned like they would have when they lived together and had their thousandth argument of the month shared a friendly smile. They didn’t have the same romantic feelings that they’d once harbored but because they had been close friends besides just romantic partners, when those feelings of love faded, they still had kinship. They were the best of friends and didn’t feel the least bit awkward with each other by now.

It was a blast from the past to see their boys fighting so childishly and attempting to drag them in the middle of it, reminding them of their first meeting at the restaurant. The feelings of all four were different but the picture was similar. Only their expressions and what their eyes were saying were different from back then.

Whereas the adults had once looked at each other with adoration, it was their sons that did that (despite their slightly harsh words and lightly pushing or slapping each other). The way that the couple fight was more of a cute love spat now so it hardly worried them. They both shrugged and chose to stay out of it, secretly laughing as the other two continued.

Eventually the tone of their argument changed, the breaks between their sentences laced with chuckles, their touches becoming more lingering and affectionate. In less than five minutes, the couple was holding hands instead of each other’s collars and smiling warmly at each other, completely cooled off. The family then started to discuss other things, the atmosphere pleasant as they shared about their current lives and how they’d gotten together and occasionally reminisced about their past.

The group was clearly close, but inwardly they all felt a bit strange about it, how natural and comfortable things were despite they hadn’t gathered together in nearly a decade, some not even seeing each other once in person in all that time. Everything had changed in that family and their relationships yet also somehow nothing had. It was a perfectly, beautifully, most certain dysfunctional family that somehow appeared like it would function miraculously well. Defeating all odds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for making it to the end of this journey. I appreciate taking the time out of your busy day with all the other things you could be doing or stories that you could be reading to give my story a chance. You are an amazing person and I love you very much! Sorry that my life is too hectic just now to reply to comments but I've ready them all like three to four times now. I'll really appreciate your encouragement, thanks so much. I hope that the ending of this short story kept you entertained and you're not left disappointed. The manga is still ongoing and well, actually my story is really just a spin off, borrowed idea from that. Fiction within fiction. I've tried to predict how that might end and wrap it up with a family setting and reminiscing the first time they met when they're enemies. Hopefully that allows you to see how much they've grown and how they're lives will continue on from there; this time as a slightly dysfunctional 'family' but much happier.
> 
> BTW, the last cameo was Sungwoon if you didn't guess it ^^
> 
> Please read and support the original manga, Love or Hate, it's also very very good! Especially the art is so nice and there's lots of hot, sweet, and funny scenes. And angst for the angst lovers. Can be read in English from here: http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/love_or_hate_yeongha/
> 
> See you in the future with new stories, whenever that may be! Comment replies coming~ Do tell me what you think just one/one more time please ^^
> 
> I'm also debating whether to add an extra side story about this pair making perfume together. Go here to give your answer on the poll: https://twitter.com/NuuGuSeYONG/status/1192823774711832579
> 
> <3 Raina

**Author's Note:**

> This story is based rather loosely on the manga/manhwa called Love or Hate (the first season). The plot and the relationships are not the same, so whateve ryou liked/didn't like about that manhwa probably isn't included in this. Also, I made the story linear instead of starting in the middle with various flashbacks and a warning that there's a lot of time skipping. I hope that you will enjoy this love-hate forbidden relationship ^^ Do tell me what you think, I love to read your comments~


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